If you are like me, a Chindian that is proud to be Indian and Chinese, you can't help but read the comedy that is playing in the political arena of MCA and MIC. These are the 2 largest and oldest political parties that are supposed to represent the interest of the Chinese and Indian races. Most of you will ask, how is it in the 21st century and in a supposedly developing nation are we still looking at race-dependant parties?
That's because we have idiotic, money grubbing, murderers for our "leaders". I don't know what is worse, the leaders we have (which are more than qualified to sit with the lab mice in a laboratory for bubonic plague cure) or the people who keep putting them there.
So let me play out the simple scenario of these 2 circus'. MIC which is to stand for Indian rights, was going for an election to see if their hair-implanting leader of 22 years will stay around or yield to a worthy successor. There were rumours he will go, he will stay which of course turns out that he will stay. Since he will stay, no one wants to challenge him for the presidency. Why? Would you bite the hand that feeds you? So MIC, like its other race-based party becomes nothing more than a farce.
The battle is on for the vice-presidency which our dear MIC leader goes all out to support a quiet, puppet that will follow whatever he dictates. So all the party money spent on elections was just to put on a show for the benefit of those with the minds of amoebas.
MCA saw a battle of egos between president and deputy culminating in the removal of the deputy. This drama had it all and I thought only the Indians were capable of drama. First was the sex scandal of the deputy and his "lover" of many years being caught in a hotel room that he frequents every time he is with the lady. Now if that doesn't get you the "Deserved to get your ass busted" of the year award, I don't what else will.
Then there was the corruption scandal involving the Port Klang Free Trade Zone involving billions which until today, no one could surface the irregularities. So there was sex, corruption, greed, ego and a whole lot of kindergartner mud slinging.
During an EGM vote, both were voted out. For once, I thought those with brains and logic prevailed. New elections would be called and we will get new leaders who will work for the ideals and the people. If you think that, you have not been paying attention.
Of course they both DON'T resign. Of course they both don't leave. You can't depend on a simple thing like good ol' democracy and party charter to get good corrupted and highly sexed men out. So the PM, who is no saint either, stepped in and told everyone that these 2 clowns will stay and to hell with the vote of no-confidence, for the sake of party unity. So the party voted them out but they are kept in for the sake of the unity of a party who don't want them in the first place....hmmm....I guess if you have been controlled by your wife like our PM, you get your brain muddled and turn to oat-like substance.
BAd news is that we continue to be puppets of UMNO as long as the BN is in power and we continue to be opressed subtly and our country continues it slow descend down the drain. But the good news is that, we will continue to have good entertainment since the circus never left town.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Deepavali - The Festival of Light....It ain't for all Indians you know!
We celebrated Deepavali or Diwali last weekend and it is the most religous celebration in the Hindu calendar. Though you had no idea how many folks came up to me to wish me "Happy Diwali" just because I'm an Indian. Now I don't really blame these kind folks and I don't take offence to it. In fact I was hoping for some gifts and presents and I tell you, we Indians are the probably the cheapest race on the planet.
Every other celebration, kids get money, presents, new clothes, etc. Only in Diwali, the kids had to work like crazy, since Indian parents are afraid to kill their kids for disobedience, and all they get are some super shiny new clothes in colours that even a blind gay man wouldn't wear. You know why Indians are darker? It's because our colours are SO bright, we get burned.
There is no money changing hands though I hear times are changing now, it is still way behind the other more money-centirc races like us Chinese (see how I said us Indians earlier and then said us Chinese? Only a Chindian can do that. Don't try this at home).
So as a Chindian I am so super glad to have 2 celebrations, so that I have back up in case one of these screws up but my 2 celebrations don't include Diwali. Here is the simple difference. Diwali is a religious holiday, just like Wesak and Christmas. Chinese New Year is a cultural holiday which just marks the beginning of the lunar new year as it is with mid-autumn, early-winter solstice, late-spring onion and just right-summer sweat festivals.
That is why Chindians ALWAYS celebrate Chinese New Year and may either celebrate Christmas, Diwali or Wesak, depending on religion. So for me it's Christmas and Chinese New Year and all the other Christian and Chinese seasonal holidays. Because I look like a Malay, I could do Hari Raya or Eid Fitri as well. Pretty cool for us actually.
I would have admitted to celebrating Diwali if it involved someone giving me money. So thanks to my friends who sent me countless SMS wishes, I wish all the best and in future, read about our holidays!!
Every other celebration, kids get money, presents, new clothes, etc. Only in Diwali, the kids had to work like crazy, since Indian parents are afraid to kill their kids for disobedience, and all they get are some super shiny new clothes in colours that even a blind gay man wouldn't wear. You know why Indians are darker? It's because our colours are SO bright, we get burned.
There is no money changing hands though I hear times are changing now, it is still way behind the other more money-centirc races like us Chinese (see how I said us Indians earlier and then said us Chinese? Only a Chindian can do that. Don't try this at home).
So as a Chindian I am so super glad to have 2 celebrations, so that I have back up in case one of these screws up but my 2 celebrations don't include Diwali. Here is the simple difference. Diwali is a religious holiday, just like Wesak and Christmas. Chinese New Year is a cultural holiday which just marks the beginning of the lunar new year as it is with mid-autumn, early-winter solstice, late-spring onion and just right-summer sweat festivals.
That is why Chindians ALWAYS celebrate Chinese New Year and may either celebrate Christmas, Diwali or Wesak, depending on religion. So for me it's Christmas and Chinese New Year and all the other Christian and Chinese seasonal holidays. Because I look like a Malay, I could do Hari Raya or Eid Fitri as well. Pretty cool for us actually.
I would have admitted to celebrating Diwali if it involved someone giving me money. So thanks to my friends who sent me countless SMS wishes, I wish all the best and in future, read about our holidays!!
Monday, October 5, 2009
One Wedding, one mooncake festival and a funeral
It was a relatively busy weekend for our family and there were some fun things that happened. Starting with Melissa's aunt who passed away. It was totally ok since she was 80, sick and suffering for the last 2 months and quite hate-able. So there wasn't any sorrow though anyone dying is never a time for celebrations....normally. So I had to take my mom-in-law who came all the way from Kuantan to the funeral. For those of you who have not attended a Chinese funeral, the wake goes on for an odd number of days with 3 days being the minimum. So it can go on for 3,5,7, days...you get the picture.
So after work and dinner, we arrived around 9pm and were greeted by her cousins whom we almost never meet. In a Chinese family, the only time you see ALL of the family members is during a funeral. Not Chinese New Year, not birthdays, not weddings but at funerals.
So we sat somberly, as how Catholics are supposed to. Once a cousin of mine mentioned that her Catholic relatives were very quiet during a wedding, so it must be that all Catholics are somber. That's like saying Attila the Hun was a peace loving man, Genghis Khan loves to knit, Gandhi likes to stick sharp, hot metal objects through the rectum of poor peasants and Vlad the Impaler likes cranberry juice! Ok, so we don't impale or hang or burn people...usually, but one thing we Catholics aren't is somber. Especially those Chindian ones.
The next thing we knew at the funeral, the "somber" Catholic Chindian was recounting stories about Chindians, about teaching my wife how to cycle or how paranoid she can be and about the funny episodes that just happen around me. I was holding a mini stand-up comic show. Our table grew bigger with more people sitting around, louder and funnier. Best of, there were no alcohol involved!
The next day, we decided to have a Lantern walk around our park with my immediate and extended family seeing that it was the Mid-Autumn Festival or Mooncake Festival. We had a mini picnic with mooncake (though we almost didn't have mooncake during mooncake festival. Can you imagine the sacrilege??), dried pork, fizzie drinks and a lot of snacks. We hung around chatting, telling tales of others, teasing one of my cousins who insisted that we can attended any of our relatives' parties even though we aren't invited, just we because we are related. I am glad I like this cousin, so she can gate crash my parties anytime. I feel sorry for those who aren't close and may wonder, who is this tall, gangly and slightly scrawny girl coming to my party of which I didn't invite? Oh the stress!!! It lead to one us commenting that she may have been adopted. It was a cruel thing to say but if you were there, you'd understand.
So we lit candles, burned up some paper lanterns, kids walked around wondering what the fuss was all about, while we adults laughed, joked and had a good time. We always say these outings are for the kids, who actually just wanted to stay home with their cousins and play XBox and Wii. I headed to the funeral around 11pm again and the crowd was still waiting for me to continue my stories. So lantern walk was hilarious and funeral was good plus I built relationship with a cousin-in-law who lives in Beijing and got invited to stay at his house, anytime! Not bad for a somber Catholic.
The following day, a cousin got married. It was a simple wedding but I got to meet a lot of relatives whom I have not seen in ages as well. So it was time to bring out the show even though my family are general just fun people and didn't need my show. The highlight of the evening was when my Chindian brother, who took up the WHOLE stage (albeit it was a small stage but to take up the WHOLE stage??!!) belted 2 songs by Beyond. Which is a big deal since Beyond's songs are not easy to sing and they are in Cantonese and my brother can't read Chinese. So it's was all from memory.
He was great! One Indian man in the crowd immediately got up and cheered and clapped. He even joined in the singing. You know when you watch those Indian Bollywood movies and you see whole villages suddenly getting up and joining the hero in song and dance, and doing it all in unison? It's all true. We can't help it. It's an Indian thing. We see another Indian singing or dancing and that's our cue to jump in with our dancing shoes. It's in our genes....and also the Banggara can be done by anyone even with 2 left feet and the motor skills or a watermelon. If more alcohol was involved and we belted an Indian song, this guy would have just adopted us.
So it was a good weekend of fun though I was monetarily poorer for it, I connected with a lot of my family. At my funeral, there will be mooncake eating, crotch grabbing, lantern walking and Banggara dancing!!
So after work and dinner, we arrived around 9pm and were greeted by her cousins whom we almost never meet. In a Chinese family, the only time you see ALL of the family members is during a funeral. Not Chinese New Year, not birthdays, not weddings but at funerals.
So we sat somberly, as how Catholics are supposed to. Once a cousin of mine mentioned that her Catholic relatives were very quiet during a wedding, so it must be that all Catholics are somber. That's like saying Attila the Hun was a peace loving man, Genghis Khan loves to knit, Gandhi likes to stick sharp, hot metal objects through the rectum of poor peasants and Vlad the Impaler likes cranberry juice! Ok, so we don't impale or hang or burn people...usually, but one thing we Catholics aren't is somber. Especially those Chindian ones.
The next thing we knew at the funeral, the "somber" Catholic Chindian was recounting stories about Chindians, about teaching my wife how to cycle or how paranoid she can be and about the funny episodes that just happen around me. I was holding a mini stand-up comic show. Our table grew bigger with more people sitting around, louder and funnier. Best of, there were no alcohol involved!
The next day, we decided to have a Lantern walk around our park with my immediate and extended family seeing that it was the Mid-Autumn Festival or Mooncake Festival. We had a mini picnic with mooncake (though we almost didn't have mooncake during mooncake festival. Can you imagine the sacrilege??), dried pork, fizzie drinks and a lot of snacks. We hung around chatting, telling tales of others, teasing one of my cousins who insisted that we can attended any of our relatives' parties even though we aren't invited, just we because we are related. I am glad I like this cousin, so she can gate crash my parties anytime. I feel sorry for those who aren't close and may wonder, who is this tall, gangly and slightly scrawny girl coming to my party of which I didn't invite? Oh the stress!!! It lead to one us commenting that she may have been adopted. It was a cruel thing to say but if you were there, you'd understand.
So we lit candles, burned up some paper lanterns, kids walked around wondering what the fuss was all about, while we adults laughed, joked and had a good time. We always say these outings are for the kids, who actually just wanted to stay home with their cousins and play XBox and Wii. I headed to the funeral around 11pm again and the crowd was still waiting for me to continue my stories. So lantern walk was hilarious and funeral was good plus I built relationship with a cousin-in-law who lives in Beijing and got invited to stay at his house, anytime! Not bad for a somber Catholic.
The following day, a cousin got married. It was a simple wedding but I got to meet a lot of relatives whom I have not seen in ages as well. So it was time to bring out the show even though my family are general just fun people and didn't need my show. The highlight of the evening was when my Chindian brother, who took up the WHOLE stage (albeit it was a small stage but to take up the WHOLE stage??!!) belted 2 songs by Beyond. Which is a big deal since Beyond's songs are not easy to sing and they are in Cantonese and my brother can't read Chinese. So it's was all from memory.
He was great! One Indian man in the crowd immediately got up and cheered and clapped. He even joined in the singing. You know when you watch those Indian Bollywood movies and you see whole villages suddenly getting up and joining the hero in song and dance, and doing it all in unison? It's all true. We can't help it. It's an Indian thing. We see another Indian singing or dancing and that's our cue to jump in with our dancing shoes. It's in our genes....and also the Banggara can be done by anyone even with 2 left feet and the motor skills or a watermelon. If more alcohol was involved and we belted an Indian song, this guy would have just adopted us.
So it was a good weekend of fun though I was monetarily poorer for it, I connected with a lot of my family. At my funeral, there will be mooncake eating, crotch grabbing, lantern walking and Banggara dancing!!
Monday, September 28, 2009
10 Signs you may be losing it!!
As you can tell, I am really concerned about getting old or ageing. Not for the looks since I still retain my looks from when I was 20. But more for health and mind-losing. There are many signs that I have noticed to have occurred in recent years that has never happened to me before. If it's not ageing, the only other explanation is aliens shooting death rays into my head. Anyway, here are my top 10 ageing list.
1. You tend to forget things.
2. When you drive your car, you notice that people yell at you a lot. Often, these people are lying on your hood.
3. On more than one occasion, while shaving, you have noticed that your razor seemed kind of dull. Upon closer examination, your razor turned out to be your toothbrush.
4. You're always searching for the right word or name. You'll be telling an anecdote, and you'll get stuck on a name, and you'll tell your listeners: "You know! That guy! With the thing! He has that thing! That guy!" And everybody will start trying to guess who you're talking about, as if you're playing charades, and finally, after ten minutes of this, it will turn out that the name you're trying to remember is: "The Pope." By this time, of course, you have no recollection of the original anecdote.
5. You get up from you seat, walk over to some spot purposefully and then stop dead in your tracks because you forgot why you got up.
6. You tend to forget things.
7. You sometimes wear a bathrobe to the office.
8. And it isn't your office.
9. It isn't your bathrobe, either.
10. You tend to forget things and sometimes repeat them over and over again.
11. Numbers may not mean much to you (Top 10, top 12....what the difference?)
12. You cannot remember anyone's phone number anymore and without your mobile, you may get lost in the middle of the city and drool by the sidewalk until the police or welfare department takes you in.
13. You tend to address people younger than 35 as "young punks" or "whippersnappers".
14. You think all music that was produced after the 90s are garbage and toxic sewage. In fact, those are some of the bands' names.
15. You tend to repeat things and then forget them.
16. You have stories that have no points to it and as you tell it, you will see those around you walking away from you.
17. You wake up more than once to go to the bathroom at night and occasionally pee into the laundry basket.
18. You complain about the weather, young drivers and think skateboarders should be whipped.
And so, here are some of the signs that I have experienced myself. I would write more but it's time to go to the bathroom and I don't remember most of it. What's this about again???
1. You tend to forget things.
2. When you drive your car, you notice that people yell at you a lot. Often, these people are lying on your hood.
3. On more than one occasion, while shaving, you have noticed that your razor seemed kind of dull. Upon closer examination, your razor turned out to be your toothbrush.
4. You're always searching for the right word or name. You'll be telling an anecdote, and you'll get stuck on a name, and you'll tell your listeners: "You know! That guy! With the thing! He has that thing! That guy!" And everybody will start trying to guess who you're talking about, as if you're playing charades, and finally, after ten minutes of this, it will turn out that the name you're trying to remember is: "The Pope." By this time, of course, you have no recollection of the original anecdote.
5. You get up from you seat, walk over to some spot purposefully and then stop dead in your tracks because you forgot why you got up.
6. You tend to forget things.
7. You sometimes wear a bathrobe to the office.
8. And it isn't your office.
9. It isn't your bathrobe, either.
10. You tend to forget things and sometimes repeat them over and over again.
11. Numbers may not mean much to you (Top 10, top 12....what the difference?)
12. You cannot remember anyone's phone number anymore and without your mobile, you may get lost in the middle of the city and drool by the sidewalk until the police or welfare department takes you in.
13. You tend to address people younger than 35 as "young punks" or "whippersnappers".
14. You think all music that was produced after the 90s are garbage and toxic sewage. In fact, those are some of the bands' names.
15. You tend to repeat things and then forget them.
16. You have stories that have no points to it and as you tell it, you will see those around you walking away from you.
17. You wake up more than once to go to the bathroom at night and occasionally pee into the laundry basket.
18. You complain about the weather, young drivers and think skateboarders should be whipped.
And so, here are some of the signs that I have experienced myself. I would write more but it's time to go to the bathroom and I don't remember most of it. What's this about again???
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A holidaying tradition
Last weekend was a long weekend for us with Mon and Tues being holidays in lieu of the Eid Fitri holidays which is the major holiday in Malaysia. In the past, religious holidays were fun filled and brings some perspective in your life of what family, love and neighbourly is about.
We have open houses where we will visit friends, visit families and you just see multi racial people just hanging out. Today we have cow-head protest over the relocation of a Hindu temple to their area. The temple is probably well visited about 3-4 times a year...ONLY. The church is well visited twice a week and on Easter and Christmas. Buddhist and Taoist have 2-3 celebrations every year. But the Muslims whose mosque has loud prayers 5-times a day, will send a cow head to protest another religion's place of prayer being relocated by the Muslim Government to their area. How sensitive and peace loving they are.
The Muslim community leader mentioned that he will hold an open house and invite the Indian community for the EId Fitri celebrations and hope it will show that it is only a small group of renegades who feel that way. In a way, I do applaud his actions but I must say that as a leader, he should ensure that every faction of the community is able to understand and be sensitive to the needs of other religions.
If you follow and read the Islam religion, the prophet Muhammad does talk about religious tolerance and leadership to the other religions and races. I am not against Islam but I am against those who forward their own selfish, myopic and medieval intentions in the name of any religion. These hypocrites who condemn other countries when they are insensitive to Islam and doing the same of that they are condemning.
We condemn Afghanistan, India, Myannmar for they way they treat their citizens and women and here we are advocating the caning of a woman who drank alcohol. A woman who is a PR of another country. I am not against them enforcing the Syariah law but don't you think caning a woman for drinking alcohol is super "Conan the Barbarian"? Who are we to condemn others? So what is the punishment for murder, rape and raping of your own daughter? Jail sentence.
I am also encouraged that we are allowing Beyonce to perform in Malaysia though we had to compromise on her costume. On Saturday, PAS Youth vice-chief Sabki Yusof said they would send a protest note to the Government over the concert, although he said there were no plans to disrupt the concert.
“We are not against entertainment as long as it is within the framework of our culture and our religion.
“We are against Western sexy performances. We don’t think our people need that,” he said.
What I want to know if this simpleton knows what the framework of our culture is. I am sure he has his own views of his religion but I am sure he is not speaking for the whole country. I am so sure he is not speaking for the whole of his race either. So before we criticize such demented logic, let's see what is the framework of the Malaysian culture. If he is talking of the Malay culture and since I am not a Malay, I will not question him on that but I sure as hell got a lot to say if he is talking about the Malaysian culture.
But that is democracy. We advocate free speech so we must allow those to protest in what they don't believe in. What I would like is for free speech to be really heard. The majority wants the concert with it's so called inappropriate dressing. We don't live in caves where we don't watch TV. We do see these performers in the skimpiest and we do have the internet for goodness sake. So let's get real. We are not simpletons.
This country has serious and real issues but Sabki Yusuf is concerned about what clothes someone is wearing on stage where there is no direct influence to the audience. Someone who is an international celebrity that could bring millions through sponsorship and tourist businesses to this country who has to feed people like Sabki Yusuf because they are too inept or lazy to get a job and depend on government handouts.
We have serious and real problems and I do suggest to the likes of these protesters to get real and start looking at solutions to these real problems. If you can't do it, then please stay in the government handout lines and make way for those who can do something.
But to all those forward thinking, evolved Muslims, I wish you with all my heart a "Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri" and God bless you and keep you always.
We have open houses where we will visit friends, visit families and you just see multi racial people just hanging out. Today we have cow-head protest over the relocation of a Hindu temple to their area. The temple is probably well visited about 3-4 times a year...ONLY. The church is well visited twice a week and on Easter and Christmas. Buddhist and Taoist have 2-3 celebrations every year. But the Muslims whose mosque has loud prayers 5-times a day, will send a cow head to protest another religion's place of prayer being relocated by the Muslim Government to their area. How sensitive and peace loving they are.
The Muslim community leader mentioned that he will hold an open house and invite the Indian community for the EId Fitri celebrations and hope it will show that it is only a small group of renegades who feel that way. In a way, I do applaud his actions but I must say that as a leader, he should ensure that every faction of the community is able to understand and be sensitive to the needs of other religions.
If you follow and read the Islam religion, the prophet Muhammad does talk about religious tolerance and leadership to the other religions and races. I am not against Islam but I am against those who forward their own selfish, myopic and medieval intentions in the name of any religion. These hypocrites who condemn other countries when they are insensitive to Islam and doing the same of that they are condemning.
We condemn Afghanistan, India, Myannmar for they way they treat their citizens and women and here we are advocating the caning of a woman who drank alcohol. A woman who is a PR of another country. I am not against them enforcing the Syariah law but don't you think caning a woman for drinking alcohol is super "Conan the Barbarian"? Who are we to condemn others? So what is the punishment for murder, rape and raping of your own daughter? Jail sentence.
I am also encouraged that we are allowing Beyonce to perform in Malaysia though we had to compromise on her costume. On Saturday, PAS Youth vice-chief Sabki Yusof said they would send a protest note to the Government over the concert, although he said there were no plans to disrupt the concert.
“We are not against entertainment as long as it is within the framework of our culture and our religion.
“We are against Western sexy performances. We don’t think our people need that,” he said.
What I want to know if this simpleton knows what the framework of our culture is. I am sure he has his own views of his religion but I am sure he is not speaking for the whole country. I am so sure he is not speaking for the whole of his race either. So before we criticize such demented logic, let's see what is the framework of the Malaysian culture. If he is talking of the Malay culture and since I am not a Malay, I will not question him on that but I sure as hell got a lot to say if he is talking about the Malaysian culture.
But that is democracy. We advocate free speech so we must allow those to protest in what they don't believe in. What I would like is for free speech to be really heard. The majority wants the concert with it's so called inappropriate dressing. We don't live in caves where we don't watch TV. We do see these performers in the skimpiest and we do have the internet for goodness sake. So let's get real. We are not simpletons.
This country has serious and real issues but Sabki Yusuf is concerned about what clothes someone is wearing on stage where there is no direct influence to the audience. Someone who is an international celebrity that could bring millions through sponsorship and tourist businesses to this country who has to feed people like Sabki Yusuf because they are too inept or lazy to get a job and depend on government handouts.
We have serious and real problems and I do suggest to the likes of these protesters to get real and start looking at solutions to these real problems. If you can't do it, then please stay in the government handout lines and make way for those who can do something.
But to all those forward thinking, evolved Muslims, I wish you with all my heart a "Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri" and God bless you and keep you always.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Blurry lines - a dash or reality and age
We always read about how people view ageing and how they react to events that are the cause of ageing. TV Sitcoms use it as a punchline and many a-times we will use it ourselves at the expense of our aging relatives, friends, etc. What we don't realize is that we are heading for a head on collision course with the ageing, hair line receding and blurry vision dose of reality.
For example, I do notice that my hair is starting to thin at the top!! At least if its the hairline, I could pass off for the Bruce Willis look. If my hair thins at the top, I will have the a real old fart kinda look! Why????? The biggest issue though is my eye sight. I have near perfect eye sight and I can see clearly when its far away. But lately, anything closer than 1 feet looks like a bowl of oatmeal to me. Also any font smaller than a french poodle will look like intestinal worms to me.
I first realized this when I was having problem identifying the food on my spoon as it comes nearer to me. It could have a cockrach on it and I would think it's a chocolate chip cookie. Whenever I am in a fancy restaurant that has those menus with fancy fonts in italics and loopy tails, my eyes go into a protest and refuse to focus. So I will just point at some random loopy thingy and say to the waiter,
"I will have this."
"You will have the "5% government tax"?"
"Make it medium rare."
Otherwise I will ask the waiter to pls ask the nice folks at the next table to hold it up for me. Eventually, I had to get those dorky reading glasses that you perch at the end of your nose and peer over it if you want to see above you. I couldn't wear it proper else everything will look 3 times larger and my brother (who is already the size of some construction vehicles) will now look like a low rise building. That is just not right. Also I don't want to be bumping into things like those old black and white slapstick comedy shows acted by Harold Lloyd and Charlie Chaplin.
So I take it in my stride. If I can't see my food, I smell it. If it moves, it's not good. If the party at my table looks disgusted at me, something terribly wrong is happening between the spoon, food and my mouth.
So, we the 70s children are slowly but surely growing in farthood, whether we like it or not! I welcome all others 70s children to join me. Those of you who are losing or have lost hair, don't despair (hey, it rhymes!!). We all go in different ways. The trick is to stick by each other and not to end up looking like those our parents' generation when they get old. Wearing pagaoda singlets, light blue boxers, sarongs, t-shirt buttoned to the top and pants pulled up to our man-tities.
For example, I do notice that my hair is starting to thin at the top!! At least if its the hairline, I could pass off for the Bruce Willis look. If my hair thins at the top, I will have the a real old fart kinda look! Why????? The biggest issue though is my eye sight. I have near perfect eye sight and I can see clearly when its far away. But lately, anything closer than 1 feet looks like a bowl of oatmeal to me. Also any font smaller than a french poodle will look like intestinal worms to me.
I first realized this when I was having problem identifying the food on my spoon as it comes nearer to me. It could have a cockrach on it and I would think it's a chocolate chip cookie. Whenever I am in a fancy restaurant that has those menus with fancy fonts in italics and loopy tails, my eyes go into a protest and refuse to focus. So I will just point at some random loopy thingy and say to the waiter,
"I will have this."
"You will have the "5% government tax"?"
"Make it medium rare."
Otherwise I will ask the waiter to pls ask the nice folks at the next table to hold it up for me. Eventually, I had to get those dorky reading glasses that you perch at the end of your nose and peer over it if you want to see above you. I couldn't wear it proper else everything will look 3 times larger and my brother (who is already the size of some construction vehicles) will now look like a low rise building. That is just not right. Also I don't want to be bumping into things like those old black and white slapstick comedy shows acted by Harold Lloyd and Charlie Chaplin.
So I take it in my stride. If I can't see my food, I smell it. If it moves, it's not good. If the party at my table looks disgusted at me, something terribly wrong is happening between the spoon, food and my mouth.
So, we the 70s children are slowly but surely growing in farthood, whether we like it or not! I welcome all others 70s children to join me. Those of you who are losing or have lost hair, don't despair (hey, it rhymes!!). We all go in different ways. The trick is to stick by each other and not to end up looking like those our parents' generation when they get old. Wearing pagaoda singlets, light blue boxers, sarongs, t-shirt buttoned to the top and pants pulled up to our man-tities.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Exam jitters - wait a minute....I had those DECADES ago!
Yep, it's time for those damn exam jitters again. Every biggie comes along and you lose sleep and also lose control of your bladder. Every 3 hours, you wake up to pee and then you dream that you didn't study for the exam and walk into the hall with a blank head (not that it's an different from other days).
It also doesn't help that it's been getting tougher and from Std 6, Form 3, Form 5, For 6 or A-levels or pre-U (whatever you went through) and then college and then......wait a minute! I have done all my exams! So what am I jittery about??? Aahhhh......it's a transference symptom. My first born, Mikey is having his Std 6 exams and these exams will determine the secondary school he attends, which is, if he gets bad grades, he will not only be sent to a BAD school but may even be asked to stay back and do an ADDITIONAL year, which he will then FALL behind, see his friends move FASTER than him, get depressed, get influenced by BAD kids in the bad school, IGNORED by teachers, gets into DISCIPLINE problems, kicked OUT with bad grades all his years, unable to go to college or even get a decent job, gets into CRIME, ARRESTED, INCARCERATED...SLAP!!!!!...Thanks! I needed that.
Phew! The worst thing is that I feel powerless to do anything for him. I wasn't great in school to begin with. Sure I aced this exam during my time but that was probably because it was NOT in Chinese! I am not very much of a teacher. So I can only look at him while he pores over his books, with his iPod on and his head bobbing to the beat of whatever song is playing, hoping that he is ALSO absorbing the facts in his books.
But what if he isn't? What if he is not getting it? What if he has mental block that day? What if he gets bad grades, gets depressed and de-motivated the rest of his life, lives in the streets or worst....works in the government???? How will I face my family with the shame????
Well, that's the 3-D of the Indian DNA coming out. You never heard of the Indian's 3-Ds? The Indians have 3-Ds, Drink, Drunk, Drama. I have the third-D in me.
Well, it's going to be the longest week of my life....until the next major exams. I guess I should take some Prozac or Valium, sleep it off and wake up on Friday. So, if you have the time, do say a quiet prayer for my son and the kids who are going through this "agony" now (though you won't know it, if you see them). Also if you see a dad, losing his bladder controls, going in and out of the school toilet while waiting in the canteen for the exams to end, spare him thought. Shoot a tranquilizer dart at him for him to sleep it off.
It also doesn't help that it's been getting tougher and from Std 6, Form 3, Form 5, For 6 or A-levels or pre-U (whatever you went through) and then college and then......wait a minute! I have done all my exams! So what am I jittery about??? Aahhhh......it's a transference symptom. My first born, Mikey is having his Std 6 exams and these exams will determine the secondary school he attends, which is, if he gets bad grades, he will not only be sent to a BAD school but may even be asked to stay back and do an ADDITIONAL year, which he will then FALL behind, see his friends move FASTER than him, get depressed, get influenced by BAD kids in the bad school, IGNORED by teachers, gets into DISCIPLINE problems, kicked OUT with bad grades all his years, unable to go to college or even get a decent job, gets into CRIME, ARRESTED, INCARCERATED...SLAP!!!!!...Thanks! I needed that.
Phew! The worst thing is that I feel powerless to do anything for him. I wasn't great in school to begin with. Sure I aced this exam during my time but that was probably because it was NOT in Chinese! I am not very much of a teacher. So I can only look at him while he pores over his books, with his iPod on and his head bobbing to the beat of whatever song is playing, hoping that he is ALSO absorbing the facts in his books.
But what if he isn't? What if he is not getting it? What if he has mental block that day? What if he gets bad grades, gets depressed and de-motivated the rest of his life, lives in the streets or worst....works in the government???? How will I face my family with the shame????
Well, that's the 3-D of the Indian DNA coming out. You never heard of the Indian's 3-Ds? The Indians have 3-Ds, Drink, Drunk, Drama. I have the third-D in me.
Well, it's going to be the longest week of my life....until the next major exams. I guess I should take some Prozac or Valium, sleep it off and wake up on Friday. So, if you have the time, do say a quiet prayer for my son and the kids who are going through this "agony" now (though you won't know it, if you see them). Also if you see a dad, losing his bladder controls, going in and out of the school toilet while waiting in the canteen for the exams to end, spare him thought. Shoot a tranquilizer dart at him for him to sleep it off.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Lassie the Wonder Dog - what about the family?
I was considering to get my children a pet puppy and was surfing the net to look at the right breeds for us. Like all Chindian guys, we are into big dogs. Not one of those toy dogs that you can differentiate between a cushion or fluff of cotton. I want a dog that can protect me and hopefully kill cats, not get carried away by cockroaches for their midnight snack.
As I was surfing, I came across the Border Collie which any bird brain knows is the breed that Lassie was. Now if you don't know what Lassie was, then you are very young and shouldn't be surfing the net!!! For your cretins who don't know Lassie, she was a character is the self titled TV show back in the 50s but we had reruns of it during the 70s (so that you know I am not THAT old!).
She belonged to this farming family which had a little boy named Timmy and as far as we can tell, this family folks don't go out of the farm. All the story is centered around them lingering around the kitchen, the farm, the tractor, the stream and so on, looking at the neighbours and wondering how come they have crops and farm animals. But it was a good thing too since every time they went out, this family is so moronic, they will ALWAYS get into trouble.
Pa will get stuck under the tractor or Timmy will fall into a quicksand. Now who in the the goodness of all that is green on this earth, buys a farm with a quicksand in it???? What was the realtor's selling point? "You can throw 'em sheep and cow carcasses in there." Also, how dumb do you have to be to get stuck under the tractor? Aren't you working on it all day since the beginning of life and you never go out?? Best part is that this happens EVERY week! What is wrong with you people?
Lassie will then go back and whine and paw and scratch at the folks in the farm house and they will keep on asking "What is it girl? Someone in trouble?" Remember, this happens EVERY freakin', gut disemboweling week!!! They will ask "Are you hungry?" Now a real dog would have "Hell yeah I am hungry" and would have proceeded to have a treats while Pa got steamrolled and Timmy deservedly sinks into the quicksand.
But eventually the signals travels all the way across their hollow skulls and they follow her and all is well....again. They will then all sit in the dining room serving some redneck, farm dessert while Lassie fills out their government farming subsidy forms, tax returns and the bank loan for a new tractor for Pa to get stuck under.
What an idiotic family. It's a good thing the stop the show because I am so sure that it they carried on, Lassie will not only let Timmy drown or get rolled over, I bet she will push him just to get him out of the way!! Heck, she may even learn to drive the truck to roll over the whole family.
As I was surfing, I came across the Border Collie which any bird brain knows is the breed that Lassie was. Now if you don't know what Lassie was, then you are very young and shouldn't be surfing the net!!! For your cretins who don't know Lassie, she was a character is the self titled TV show back in the 50s but we had reruns of it during the 70s (so that you know I am not THAT old!).
She belonged to this farming family which had a little boy named Timmy and as far as we can tell, this family folks don't go out of the farm. All the story is centered around them lingering around the kitchen, the farm, the tractor, the stream and so on, looking at the neighbours and wondering how come they have crops and farm animals. But it was a good thing too since every time they went out, this family is so moronic, they will ALWAYS get into trouble.
Pa will get stuck under the tractor or Timmy will fall into a quicksand. Now who in the the goodness of all that is green on this earth, buys a farm with a quicksand in it???? What was the realtor's selling point? "You can throw 'em sheep and cow carcasses in there." Also, how dumb do you have to be to get stuck under the tractor? Aren't you working on it all day since the beginning of life and you never go out?? Best part is that this happens EVERY week! What is wrong with you people?
Lassie will then go back and whine and paw and scratch at the folks in the farm house and they will keep on asking "What is it girl? Someone in trouble?" Remember, this happens EVERY freakin', gut disemboweling week!!! They will ask "Are you hungry?" Now a real dog would have "Hell yeah I am hungry" and would have proceeded to have a treats while Pa got steamrolled and Timmy deservedly sinks into the quicksand.
But eventually the signals travels all the way across their hollow skulls and they follow her and all is well....again. They will then all sit in the dining room serving some redneck, farm dessert while Lassie fills out their government farming subsidy forms, tax returns and the bank loan for a new tractor for Pa to get stuck under.
What an idiotic family. It's a good thing the stop the show because I am so sure that it they carried on, Lassie will not only let Timmy drown or get rolled over, I bet she will push him just to get him out of the way!! Heck, she may even learn to drive the truck to roll over the whole family.
Monday, August 31, 2009
UP, UP and what a totally unexpected animated feature!
Hi there movie fans. It's time for yet another review. I may not have all the wise cracking, side splitting, Chindian famous wit that I have been secreting out for a while now. It's been rather stressful at work and also I am having UPSR blues. Mike is due to sit for his first major exam in a week.
Anyway, we still had time to go to the movies and we decided to take a stab at Pixar's latest animation, UP. Make sure you don't miss the beginning. Get to the cinema early.
UP was not one of our designated movies to watch this holiday season. It looked depressing with an old geezer for a hero and a small bumbling boy (from what we could make out from the trailer). So we decided to give it a slip. Then all the reviews starting pouring in. I started to ask myself....are reviews made of liquid form? I mean, isn't "pouring" reserved for liquid type materials? How the heck does review AND emotions (while we are at it) "pour"???? From where? Into what?
I digress.
The reviews were very impressive and we started thinking maybe we should check it out. So we headed out, my cousin KLY's family and us to Tropicana City Mall. It's the newest mall in our neighbourhood and it is actually a pretty cool mall. It's not too big and there is something for everybody. The GSC cinema was not too crowded and if you are waiting for your food and the stands, they will actually deliver it to you. Pretty cool huh!
Anyway, UP was REALLY an enjoyable movie. It had a very strong story line which was really realistic and makes a lot of sense (as far as cartoons go). A good mixture of friendship, parenthood, courage and of course doing the right thing. As with most Pixar/Disney movies, there was a lot of laughter and good jokes.
It's about the story of an old man who was an introvert but fell in love and married a adventurous girl. Life was normal but they couldn't go to a particular fabled place in South America until his wife died of old age and he was alone. Finally, deciding to take things into his own hands, he managed to get going only to find things are not what it seems in this fabled land in South America.
And starts the adventure with a so-called Wilderness Ranger thingy kid who has no idea how to live in the wilderness. But what an adventure they had. Finally the old man shed his grouch of course and understood that life in itself was an adventure. As with all cartoons, all's well ends well. I strongly recommend this movie as fun for the whole family or just with your loved one.
If you truly want to enjoy this movie, there is one teensy weensy condition though. No matter what, this cannot be broken else all will fall apart. Are you ready? Are you tough enough?
Here you go. You must not....You cannot.....question the logic of having an old geezer blowing thousands of balloons in one night, tying it to his fireplace and then lifting the ENTIRE house to fly all the way to South America....without passport and going through duty free shops!
You must accept this one tiny fact and your life in the cinema with this movie will be bliss! Enjoy.
Anyway, we still had time to go to the movies and we decided to take a stab at Pixar's latest animation, UP. Make sure you don't miss the beginning. Get to the cinema early.
UP was not one of our designated movies to watch this holiday season. It looked depressing with an old geezer for a hero and a small bumbling boy (from what we could make out from the trailer). So we decided to give it a slip. Then all the reviews starting pouring in. I started to ask myself....are reviews made of liquid form? I mean, isn't "pouring" reserved for liquid type materials? How the heck does review AND emotions (while we are at it) "pour"???? From where? Into what?
I digress.
The reviews were very impressive and we started thinking maybe we should check it out. So we headed out, my cousin KLY's family and us to Tropicana City Mall. It's the newest mall in our neighbourhood and it is actually a pretty cool mall. It's not too big and there is something for everybody. The GSC cinema was not too crowded and if you are waiting for your food and the stands, they will actually deliver it to you. Pretty cool huh!
Anyway, UP was REALLY an enjoyable movie. It had a very strong story line which was really realistic and makes a lot of sense (as far as cartoons go). A good mixture of friendship, parenthood, courage and of course doing the right thing. As with most Pixar/Disney movies, there was a lot of laughter and good jokes.
It's about the story of an old man who was an introvert but fell in love and married a adventurous girl. Life was normal but they couldn't go to a particular fabled place in South America until his wife died of old age and he was alone. Finally, deciding to take things into his own hands, he managed to get going only to find things are not what it seems in this fabled land in South America.
And starts the adventure with a so-called Wilderness Ranger thingy kid who has no idea how to live in the wilderness. But what an adventure they had. Finally the old man shed his grouch of course and understood that life in itself was an adventure. As with all cartoons, all's well ends well. I strongly recommend this movie as fun for the whole family or just with your loved one.
If you truly want to enjoy this movie, there is one teensy weensy condition though. No matter what, this cannot be broken else all will fall apart. Are you ready? Are you tough enough?
Here you go. You must not....You cannot.....question the logic of having an old geezer blowing thousands of balloons in one night, tying it to his fireplace and then lifting the ENTIRE house to fly all the way to South America....without passport and going through duty free shops!
You must accept this one tiny fact and your life in the cinema with this movie will be bliss! Enjoy.
Malaysia - 52 years on
Any object, situation, person or place would normally progress and move forward after being in existence for 52 years. Look at corporations, towns, cities, people and more prevalent, technology. Technology decided to take a huge exponential leap into the future. We flew our first plan at the turn of the 20th century in 1903 but less than 70 years later, we managed to put a man on the moon! The first computers was the size of a boardroom and today PC can outperform that computer by 1000 times. IBM has already invented a chip that can perform pentaflop calculations, which is 1,000,000 trillion calculations a second. That is so mind boggling that I can't even fathom that there is such a huge number. All in about 50 years!
Where is Malaysia in that 50 years? Caning a woman for drinking beer in public. Calling your neighbours immigrants despite them being longer in the country than you and when your ancestors are immigrants themselves. Judging others by differences from your own religion despite the teaching of that said religion. Murder, corruption, accusing others of corruption, putting the needs of the self before the country are just a few incidences that we have "progressed" to.
So have we moved forward?
Sure, we have one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world. Our economy has grown leaps and we have been able to adapt from agriculture to manufacturing and hi-tech. Our airport has won many awards and we have one of the best low-cost carriers in the world. Our people are generally friendly, more accommodating, more co-operative and relatively smart. Most of our smartest brains are being pinched elsewhere.
However, we still have medieval mentality. PAS and many people in today's Govt still want to run this country like Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan where medieval punishment is practiced and everyone follows the word of the Holy book to the hilt. Because we still have hardcore poor, illiterates and places that are non-accessible to TV and mass media (even then, censored and controlled media), we have very ignorant people in the rural areas who believe in the lies and medieval thinking.
People who for some stupid bigoted reasons believe we are in some kind of religious war. People who believe that all the non-muslims are infidels and deserve to die. People who still abuse, rape and condone these abuses done to their own children and then have the audacity to call others barbarians and infidels. People who totally distort the Islamic principles and create fear into the populace in the name of Islam.
I am not a Muslim but I have yet to encounter a Muslim colleague, friend or the guy that stands in front of me in a queue at McDonald's, wanting to kill me just because I pray differently or have different views. Now don't get me wrong. In these rural areas, we do have ignorant Indian and Chinese people who are just as racist and feel that they need to stick it to the Malays, Chinese and Indians and vice versa. How many times have we heard a parent and maybe even your own parents say to the kids or you when you were little that if you don't behave yourself, the Indian man will come and catch you.
I have relatives who are highly educated and hold positions of great responsibility but who are one of the most racist folks ever. My Indian relatives think that all Malay people are lazy and incompetent and when they are reprimanded for their own incompetence, they blame the Malay conspiracy. My Chinese relatives told their children that they shouldn't marry Indians because you will be unhappy and that these Indians will get drunk and come home and hit their wives. That is so untrue. Sometimes we pour gasoline on them and set them on fire. That's beside the point.
Why only Indians? Chinese folks don't gamble, lose everything and then come and hit their wives and children? How many times have you read in the papers a Chinese man gambles or loses all the money borrowed from Ah Long (money lenders) and then kill the whole family including their own small children?
How many times have we read about a Malay man going out looking for another wife and to stop him from doing so, the wife just ignores the fact when he rapes his own daughter...just to keep him in the house?
We are all guilty. Being from a dual culture I am blessed to see both sides but I am so afraid for my children. I don't want to bring them up in a world where we place so much emphasis on race and then generalizing race to certain characteristics. I don't want our country to be like that but I can't do it alone. We all just need to focus on the right things to do and believe in the 1 culture and 1 race, which is Malaysian.
Gaining independence in 1957 gives us the opportunity to see how other countries have progressed so that we can learn and take the shortcut. That's our advantage but we are not using it, instead we are falling into the same traps and mind sets.
It's not impossible, Malaysian. Despite all our differences, we have been living together for 52 years and some even more. Let's bring up our children differently and make that change.
I'm looking at man in the mirror
I'm hoping that he'll change his ways.....
If you wanna make a world a better place
take a look at yourself and then make that change
Where is Malaysia in that 50 years? Caning a woman for drinking beer in public. Calling your neighbours immigrants despite them being longer in the country than you and when your ancestors are immigrants themselves. Judging others by differences from your own religion despite the teaching of that said religion. Murder, corruption, accusing others of corruption, putting the needs of the self before the country are just a few incidences that we have "progressed" to.
So have we moved forward?
Sure, we have one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world. Our economy has grown leaps and we have been able to adapt from agriculture to manufacturing and hi-tech. Our airport has won many awards and we have one of the best low-cost carriers in the world. Our people are generally friendly, more accommodating, more co-operative and relatively smart. Most of our smartest brains are being pinched elsewhere.
However, we still have medieval mentality. PAS and many people in today's Govt still want to run this country like Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan where medieval punishment is practiced and everyone follows the word of the Holy book to the hilt. Because we still have hardcore poor, illiterates and places that are non-accessible to TV and mass media (even then, censored and controlled media), we have very ignorant people in the rural areas who believe in the lies and medieval thinking.
People who for some stupid bigoted reasons believe we are in some kind of religious war. People who believe that all the non-muslims are infidels and deserve to die. People who still abuse, rape and condone these abuses done to their own children and then have the audacity to call others barbarians and infidels. People who totally distort the Islamic principles and create fear into the populace in the name of Islam.
I am not a Muslim but I have yet to encounter a Muslim colleague, friend or the guy that stands in front of me in a queue at McDonald's, wanting to kill me just because I pray differently or have different views. Now don't get me wrong. In these rural areas, we do have ignorant Indian and Chinese people who are just as racist and feel that they need to stick it to the Malays, Chinese and Indians and vice versa. How many times have we heard a parent and maybe even your own parents say to the kids or you when you were little that if you don't behave yourself, the Indian man will come and catch you.
I have relatives who are highly educated and hold positions of great responsibility but who are one of the most racist folks ever. My Indian relatives think that all Malay people are lazy and incompetent and when they are reprimanded for their own incompetence, they blame the Malay conspiracy. My Chinese relatives told their children that they shouldn't marry Indians because you will be unhappy and that these Indians will get drunk and come home and hit their wives. That is so untrue. Sometimes we pour gasoline on them and set them on fire. That's beside the point.
Why only Indians? Chinese folks don't gamble, lose everything and then come and hit their wives and children? How many times have you read in the papers a Chinese man gambles or loses all the money borrowed from Ah Long (money lenders) and then kill the whole family including their own small children?
How many times have we read about a Malay man going out looking for another wife and to stop him from doing so, the wife just ignores the fact when he rapes his own daughter...just to keep him in the house?
We are all guilty. Being from a dual culture I am blessed to see both sides but I am so afraid for my children. I don't want to bring them up in a world where we place so much emphasis on race and then generalizing race to certain characteristics. I don't want our country to be like that but I can't do it alone. We all just need to focus on the right things to do and believe in the 1 culture and 1 race, which is Malaysian.
Gaining independence in 1957 gives us the opportunity to see how other countries have progressed so that we can learn and take the shortcut. That's our advantage but we are not using it, instead we are falling into the same traps and mind sets.
It's not impossible, Malaysian. Despite all our differences, we have been living together for 52 years and some even more. Let's bring up our children differently and make that change.
I'm looking at man in the mirror
I'm hoping that he'll change his ways.....
If you wanna make a world a better place
take a look at yourself and then make that change
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