Today 2nd Dec is my 14th wedding anniversary. Yep, it's been that long. So what's the secret to a Chindian's happy marriage? There are 4 aspects that I would recommend and do allow me to share our Chindian secret to the world as this is one of our legacy to civilization.
A wedding is a one day celebration but a marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime but Hollywood spoils it for us. In the movies, it makes it look as if it's all a fairy tale and every wedding will turn out as a happily ever after kinda thing. Just like Cinderella. Now, don't get me wrong. I am all for a happy ending and Cinderella type of story and many times it does happen. However, for every Cinderella story there are millions of normal marriages that needs to be worked on.
For a marriage to work, you gotta want it bad because it's going to put up a fight and no one really knows how it will end up. The person you have been dating can change after the wedding and it's not because they are some Transylvanian vampire or king size dick head (though there are these permutations as well). People evolve and change but the main thing to understand is that while you may have new expectations, your partner may not. Don't take anything for granted because you are NOT living a Hollywood life. Maybe that's why so many celebrity marriages don't work....too much acting.
It was quite stormy for us at the beginning too. I thought I was too young and felt pushed into it. Also I just expected everything to fall into place but it doesn't. You are two different people suddenly thrown into the mix. You have different preferences for simple things like toothpaste or broom types and that can spark a war of epic proportions!! You can trust me. I'm a Chindian.
So both of us had our fair share of issues and fights and wars and showing each other the I-ignore-you look and giving each other the cold treatment. You know what's the best part? Kissing and making up. That's right! I said it!
After some months of fighting, we took a weekend off and had a very long and heart-to-heart chat about our issues and why I was acting like the world's stupidest mule and why was she acting like a prize winning pain-in-the-ass. It turns out, we just thought things were supposed to work out and when it didn't we took it out on each other. So that was cleared and we settled down to start a family and things kinda took off from there. Even if you have everything figured out right to the tee, there are still no guarantees.
Of course, our families and friends were there to support and most of the time, they didn't know what they were supporting. They were just there to keep us company, laugh, give subtle opinions over issues they didn't know existed. Most of the time, their company gave us a lot of insight and help us see things from very different vantage points.
Then our God's gifts came and they helped keep the foundation strong. Our children have been a great source of joy, love and inspiration. Being a husband and then a father was a whole new dimension for me and I glad Melissa, Michael and Amanda are there for me and sticking by me despite my failings. If I had to do it all over again, I will not change a single thing.
So what is the secret to a happy Chindian marriage??
1. Pray together
At home or church. Go together.
2. Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter (not to the point of insanity of course).
Learn to laugh at each other's mistakes, quirks and weirdness.
3. Compromising
Not your principles but on your likes and wants. You win some and you lose some.
4. Always, always, always, always age faster than your wife.
Good luck to you and I will write about our 15th year anniversary.
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