Monday, April 28, 2008

Urban trash - You suck!

There are times when you wonder if people are just born without the ability of being civil and nice to your fellow human beings. It's like when God was handing out caring and thoughtful genes around, these people were pulling the wings out of flies or tying firecrackers to the tails of lizards. Either that or their genes were just mutated by to the point they don't feel human suffering or has the ability to be connect to those around them. Hitler and Satan worshippers have the same genes. Some of the things these people do, just wanna make you push them down a razor blade and forcing them to use their testicles as brakes.

Some things that piss me off:-

1) If you feel that by blowing up innocent people and children is a justified mean to tell the world your plight - YOU SUCK!!!

2) If after doing that, you feel the need to misinterpret and hide behind religion - YOU SUCK and deserve to be grilled with Swiss cheese over a slow burning fire in HELL! 71 dark haired virgins may ass!

3) If you feel the need to kidnap children and torture and kill them - Oh Boy! Have they got a place for you down south!!! You can take the Hell Express, no need to wait in line. All aboard!

4) If you don't hold doors for people behind you - YOU SUCK!

5) If you don't hold the elevator door for people trying to come in - YOU SUCK! You deserved to be peed on if the door slams on the person coming in.

6) If you don't give up your seat for a deserving person - YOU SUCK!

7) If you don't give way to pedestrians crossing - YOU SUCK!

8) If you don't say thanks to the cars giving way to you as a pedestrian - YOU SUCK!

9) If you smoke in a non-smoking area - YOU SUCK!

10) If your smoking irritates others and you don't care - Boy do YOU REALLY SUCK!

11) If you finish a meal and take your time leaving while others are waiting for your table - YOU SUCK!!!

12) If you don't say "Thank You", "Your Welcome", "Please" - YOU SUCK!

13) If your kids don't say it - YOU SUCK BIG TIME!

14) If you see that your kids don't say it and you don't do anything about it - YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE DISEASED CAMEL VOMIT!

15) If you are a racist - YOU NEED TO STICK A HOT COW POKE UP YOUR RECTUM!

16) If you are in the service industry and you don't take the trouble to please your customers - YOU SUCK!

17) If you are deliberately being rude to a service person - YOU ARE AN ARROGANT SON OF A BITCH!

18) If you don't mean what you say - YOU SUCK!

19) If you speak loudly on the phone in public places - YOU SUCK!

20) If you are cut queue - YOU SUCK!

21) If you waste water or electricity - YOU SUCK!

22) If a car follows you because they need your space and you don't tell them where is your space or deliberately lead them on - YOU SUCK!!

23) If you don't wait for people to leave an elevator car before you barge in - YOU SUCK!

I think it is important that we are very aware of our surrounding, of the people around us and how our actions affect people. If we all did a small part, I think life will be very bearable. Gotta go hug someone now.

A crappy Krabi!

This weekend was my first outing with my new colleagues. I have recently joined a new IT company whom I am proud to say is a GIANT! I hope they are proud to have me....ok we got the necessary polishing out of the way.

Anyway, forging a good rapport with your colleagues is ALWAYS a very important agenda in anyone's career. Some may see it as shoe shining or ass-kissing, some may see it as selling out your principles and some may even see it as an act of cowardice and selling out to the establishment. Me? I just want to get along and do my job. Anyway, being the shy person that I am (yeah right!), I was invited to the team's outing in my 2nd week on the job. I was honoured and of course very self conscious. Will I fit it? Will they like me? Will they understand my humour? Will I snore too loudly? It was decided we will go to Krabi which is a new beach resort in Southern Thailand. Krabi is about 2 hours ferry ride from Phuket. I have never been there, so I said ok.

We took the single flight was KL to Krabi via Air Asia. I was expecting the worst whenever I fly Air Asia as I don't always have good incidents with these guys. At best, I will not have any incidents. At worst, I have to wait 6 hours to take the next flight because my flight was canceled, yes canceled!! Not delayed but canceled. Thanks goodness this trip was uneventful which is good for Air Asia.

The 9 of us piled into a very comfortable van and we were taken sight seeing along Krabi new town, old town town and Ao Nang (where our hotel was). The sights were extremely fascinating as the first it struck us that Krabi was exactly.....like any blinkin' beach resort in Thailand. It looked like a mini Phuket or Pattaya. It even looked like Sitiawan or Kajang. Take your pick. Difference was, the food in Sitiawan or Kajang was excellent and food really sucked in Krabi.

We ordered some 8 dishes for lunch but it wasn't enough as the Thais have only one size for every dish, which is starving midget size! Every serving was enough to feed a hummingbird. The only good thing about the serving size is that it tasted bad so that we didnt have to eat too much of it. But lunch is lunch and we were hungry. I think the closer you get to the sea, the worst the food gets.

Thanks goodness the hotel was actually quite beautiful. It was clean, new and very well decorated. Surprisingly we had Astro. Didnt quite understand that. Our hotel was called Krabi Thai Village and it is definitely worth a visit. Only problem was, it was located about 15 minute walk from Ao Nang town. So walking in and out wasnt very appealing and we did a really cool thing. My colleague Deric suggested we rent motorbikes at just TBH200 a day (I dont know what the Thai Bhat symbol is but in this blog it is TBH). For this city slicker who went everywhere in a bus and then in cars, the motorbikes was a superb experience. I can now appreciate and understand the novelty of all those bikers going around for long trips (not those idiotic Mat Rempits) with not a care in the world and only the road to guide and rule you.

For 2 days we went everywhere in our bikes. The town like I said was like any beach resort in Thailand but much milder on the "girly" stuff. Krabi has it fair share of pizza, steak, burger restaurants. It has its knock-off merchandize stalls, massage parlours, ATM currency exchange and convenience store. The one thing that was hard to find was a Thai restaurant or a Thai hawker. The bars had the gwai-los and Thai "working girls" but at least they didnt come out into the streets to grab you like they do in Phuket, Bangkok or Pattaya. When I was in Pattaya with my cousins, the 2 guys were walking back to our hotel with 5 kids after leaving our wives shopping and we were almost dragged to come in despite the kids. Surprisingly they have a small play area for the kids and a BIG play area for the daddies. We politely declined (really we did. I dont know about my cousin but pushy women scare me). Anyway they didnt do so in Krabi. If anything I saw a lot of couples. Young and old, holding hands and just not caring about anything.

Krabi does give you that feeling of relaxation and not having a care in the world. We were rushing a bit since we wanted to go for our massage and shopping. We managed to do all that. We even chartered a boat to take us out to the islands to do a bit of snorkeling. We were taken to 3 snorkeling spots. Shallow waters, not so shallow and deep waters. They all looked the same. The same fishes, same corals, same tourist. There were these small yellow fishes who will come in schools to eat whatever you throw at them. Since we will be throwing bread and shit at them, I think they have lost the ability to find food for themselves. However, whenever I am snorkeling I avoid them like the plague. From under the sea it looks like a scene from the 70s movie Piranhas coming at you but instead of a meaty threat it is a piece of bread, banana or someone's shoe.

We were thrown in a hearty lunch which taste like prison food at the famed Phi Phi Island. The sauce was watery, the gravy was watery and the whole experience was repetitive and boring. Phi Phi Island was actually a good place to get complacent and lazy. Nothing to do but just lie by the beach under a shade and go to sleep until dinner time or until the bugs have sucked your blood dry. I thought this was money very poorly spent and the only saving grace was the company of my colleagues and now friends. They made it not just bearable but very enjoyable.

As we were coming back, we were already planning our next trip and it these guys stay my friends, no matter how long I stay at my new company, I know I will definitely enjoy myself. Also I am going shopping for a bike tomorrow.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

We need to climb trees






Every once in a while somthing in life has a knack of pulling us back to our sub-conscious comfort zone and we won't know about it until we experienced it or when we are smack in the middle of it. We may even feel real upset about doing it. The mere thought of it will drive you the blood pressure high enough to pop any vein in your skull. You will toss and turn, every sense in your body tingling ending up with you going to the toilet every 45 seconds until u have nothing to pass but wind. But when you are there, you just can't help realizing that you enjoyed it before so much that it is actually a part of you that you either forgot or stopped entertaining. Does that make sense?

Such an event happened some time early last year. Our families were invited to an outing at a waterfall somewhere called Sungai Ruan, near Raub. So with my family from Kuantan and Singapore, set out to this waterfall so magical that we had to drive out of state to see. I guess nearer falls like in Templer's Park were too unadventurous. So here i was dreading the thought of going back to nature or sleeping without air-conditioning, like i was born in an air-conditioned womb...though for the foetus it probably felt that way, or going to a place where there were no running water, so you have to wipe your butt cheeks with makeshift leaves or even (heaven forbid) we go somewhere without cable TV!! I couldnt sleep all night, cursing myself for agreeing to this trip to purgatory. so i tossed n turned n went to the bathroom about 2.3 million times.

Morning came, we saddled up and headed out to an uneventful journey. We reached Raub in time for breakfast and met with our 4x4 tour guide....hmmm....getting dodgy here. We were taken to our bungalow and it was a huge 1-storey bungalow with about 7 rooms, a kitchen, couple of baths and cable TV!!! Yeahhhh!!! things were looking up. We then realized that this trip needs to be done in a 4x4 as the terrain and path (yes path, not road) is very rough. I was very perked up when I heard about it, i dunno if it as my macho instinct acting up on the 4x4 thing or just residue of the joy from seeing the availability of running water and cable TV.

We waited until mid morning, changed to our mountain gear (for me it means wearing underwear. You dont want leaches getting in there easily. Dont say I didnt warn you) and chose our 4x4 vehicle. There were about 18 of us including our kids. I chose the longer truck and off we went. It was a good drive and we looked like labourers being herded to the rubber plantation or something. The drive up was really cool, filled with 2 very manly adventures. First the bridge we were supposed to take was washed away by the rain (by the way it was pouring during our drive up. How cool!!! Long time since I stayed out in the rain), so we had to plough through the raging river. It was only tire deep but us city slickers thought it was cool and manly. Like those old beer and cigarette commercials from the time we could have those on TV. Do something manly (sometimes read stoopid), drink a beer (Why do you think you are doing something stupid...DUH!).

We then came to a land slide where the road was blocked by a mountain of mud. The trucks had to scaled a 10 feet 35 degrees slope of mud to continue. The shorter truck crossed it with minimal fuss. We at the longer truck were cheering and taking photos while bumping around like beans in a boy-jumping-pogo-stick's pocket. Thank God for modern cameras. When it came to our turn, our truck got stuck right at the summit of this slope, refusing to slide down the to other side. It was too long. We had to pull the winch from the other truck and then get it to pull our truck. So the drivers got down and started doing their thing, while us city slickers continued to take pictures and feeling really cool we were in this predicament. the passengers of the other truck were so jealous of us...HAHA...too bad!! Nyeah, Nyeah.

So the pulling and tying of the winch was being done by our guides while wishing they could just roll all of us over the cliff. When done, we were still posing and having fun while the guides saw the cliffs as more and more inviting. Finally we got down, sliding and tumbling, getting mud on us all. The winch pulled our truck free! Hurray!! WE got on and came to the waterfall slightly after lunch. The water was superb, the scenery serene and the lunch really, really horrible. We gobbled it and sat around contented. All then jumped into the fall and I immediately jumped out coz the water was about 10 degrees after the rain. Me and the kids got in again and i was showing them all kinds of stuff. It was then i realized that my city kids have not seen a lot of nature and it was also the time that they saw dear old dad as pretty knowledgeable. I gotta enjoy it while it last coz when they hit teens.....

We stayed a while and had the same exciting trip down. Thoroughly exhausted and leach inhabited we reached our bungalow to shower. We were then invited to the orchard behind the bungalow, which we didnt notice when we came. It wasnt big but it had a small stream, a pond, a wooden bridge and lots of trees. RAmbutan, mangosteen, langsat, cocoa and mangoes. My kids came to me and ask if they could climb trees. I felt so embarrassed as I realized that my son aged 10 had not climbed a tree before. When they did, my wife was very protective but kids being kids, they took to it instinctively. Even my then 6 year old girl. I remembered my first tree climbing and I know what joy it was...if you didnt stumble on a nest of red ants.

It was also that time I realized that I was having a WHALE of a time and was stumped. I sat by the stream and recognized that part of the reason was because this reminded me of my roots. I was born in a poor family and we had trees and streams all around us to keep us company. None of that XBox or game boys to entertain us then. I am glad I made that trip and it gave me time to come back to myself and gave my children a little appreciation of nature and stealing others' fruits.

I think from time to time, no matter where we are or how old we are, we should take the time to climb trees....but make sure you have your underwear on.

Friday, April 18, 2008

I can order Chinese food - Vote for me!

Being an Indian was quite exciting and wierd to say the least, the last 18 months. We were always marginalized, like how they refer to us as "kelings"(even "mamak" is considered deragatory), how we are always the last to get picked for anything (govt funds, school activities, astronaut program but first in line for LLN and plantation jobs....no wonder we drink!), how those poor Indians who can't speak Chinese are always ordering the same dishes in Chinese restaurants. You know what I mean. You walk into a Chinese restaurant and if you see an Indian family sitting down to dinner, they will ALWAYS have the sames dishes....Fried Rice, Egg Foo-Yong and Sweet Sour Pork. They may get lucky and order something good once in a while. I know I am generalizing but I don't care. It's the same Indian folks who eat soupy noodles with a fork!!! Now you Chinese don't get too cocky. You are the same bunch of goobers who eat banana leaf rice or roti canai with fork n spoon! After 50 fricking years, we still can't get the damn thing right. Though I must say, more of the younger generation are getting more assimilated. Good for you! I know the chopstick is a funny invention but learn it man....its fun #$%&^

Anyway, despite some of the crazy things that are happening, we did get some excitement too. For one thing, the Hindraf guys got Thaipusam as a holiday for the folks working in KL. All dat hullabaloo also got Samy booted out. Which makes me wonder that we may actually have a good chance of getting the USD1Mil that Hindraf are suing the British Govt on behalf of every Indian. I ain't gonna repeat the story, read my earlier blog. Which brings me to my point and that is, the Indian community needs a leader. A leader with real hair, not just planted ones.

There isn't one right now and it seems that we have placed our hopes on the opposition (PR) to do it for us. The good news is that PR is advocating for a unified Malaysia regardless of race. The bad news is, will it ever come to fruition? Everyone seems to be pining their hopes on Anwar or his wife as the next Prime Minister to get this going. Let's face it, Anwar was the result of the old UMNO system and he was the one who started all these corruption shit! Don't forget he did applaud the courts decision on Lina Joy. PKR who initially attacked the govt policy deemed to marginalize Mandarin n Tamil schools, did not say anything about in their election manifesto.

So I think it is time I throw my hat into the ring, which brings me to rethink that statement....Malaysians don't wear hats. So, I nominate myself to be the leader of the Indian community. Indians, stand up and vote for a change in the status quo. You don't need a leader who is a politician or speaks the language or a rich person or even a person who is famous. You need a leader who cares, who understands the issues and who is on the ground (especially after a night of partying). I am all that and more. I will pin for more Indian movies in the cinema, movies where you can get shot in one city and die all the way to another...singing a few songs on the way. I will not forget the thunder, lightning and rain to accompany the dying hero. I will call for an abolishment of calling us Keling or Mamak. We will known as Mocha Choco. That's Choco (CHALK-co) not Coco. Coco is a name of pet, you ignorant ingrate.

But most of all, and I will use this value to the fullest, I can order EXCELLENT Chinese food!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Wild Stretch - The art of butchering and commerce

Easter has come and gone and I am still very much in the spirit of the most religous time of christendom. Some may think it is Christmas but with Christ dying on the cross and rising, only do we see the true birth of Christianity. Without it, Christ is just another prophet like Moses, Elijah or Daniel. Anyway, I am not going to talk about Christianity in that context. In the spirit of Easter, I just appaled and of coz super surprised as to how some things have come about.

For example, we have the death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion and his rising to heaven on the 3rd day. How in all things pure did we arrive at chocolate coloured eggs and easter bunny??? What is the co-relation??? The internet list the reason as the early church using pagan celebrations of fertility to accelerate the assimilation and acceptance of Christianity. I can understand that since all rabbits do is..welll...u know. And the egg is a another sign of re-production. Thank goodness nobody thought to the placenta! Dat would be fun eh? "Come on kisd, let's all go look for the Easter-assimilated-pagan-symbol-of-reproduction, the placenta.". "I found it!! It's this brown looking...EEEAAARRGGHHH!!!".

But how long ago was this shit??? Some 800-900 years ago?? Someone must have come to their senses by now? Since is a pagan thing from Roman, Saxon and Celtic times, how come only the US seems to be flourishing in it? I think there is some sort of similar celebration in England but it is mainly in the US (the Brits are wierd anyway...they are the ones who created a new religion so that their King can satisfy his lust for women in the name of finding a heir). So much so that sometimes churches in Malaysia will organize something similar as children's activities during Easter Sundays. Isn't that a wild stretch? Rabbits, eggs and crucifixion of Jesus?

Even kids are going "Rabbits don't lay or eat or are even remotely interested in eggs!!". I am also quite pissed at the using of Xmas trees and Santa to represent Chrismas, the birth of Christ. Unfortunately I am also taken in by de Xmas tress thing where I will religiously put it up during Xmas and not taking down the next year, when it is time to put it up again. It gives some sort of ambience and happiness but make no mistake...I m pissed about it.

So people, I strongly urge you to stop all these practices of using pagan symbols in the internet age where information is readily available to the masses on how things should rightly be. Stop wasting your money buying Santa suits, trees, rabbits, eggs, etc. Start doing something for the poor and unfortunate, which is what Easter and Christmas is about. Save up your cash and send them to me....the poor Chindian that is lost in all this cultural confusion and I will save you some chocolate eggs and rabbit meat.