Now before you over-active bozos get any ideas, this topic has absolutely NOTHING to do with me or any of my acquaintances. I was reading about the case of Hewlett-Packard's CEO being asked to leave because he was having an affair with a supplier and there is some unfair advantage thingy or something like that.
That just brought my attention to some of the more famous cases like Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Bill Clinton, etc. I mean, sexual harassment is no kidding matter. Rape is even worst like in the case of Kobe. He is a huge guy and not easy to overcome and rape is a traumatic experience. But let's not make it any bigger than it is. I mean we have to draw the line very clearly and in these cases, it is not always so.
Take Bill Clinton. He was having an affair with Ms Lewinsky, make no mistake. I cannot believe that she would blow him but not screw him. Come on!! Women have needs too!! Therefore, there definitely were other cases and I am not going to discount Paula Jones and all other accusers but when does it start being harassment and stop being a-guy-trying-to-get-laid? I mean we guys are guilty of this. We need to flirt, feel the need to be charming and feel the need to pro-create. I realize I am making a generalization here, and some men can't be charming to save their lives.
Of course this is about levels and most married or those committed to a relationship don't. However, for those who do, they are just trying to get laid. They ask once, twice, three times and if it gets real annoying, you tell him off. Maybe even get HR but is that really sexual harassment. Do you need the Courts for this one?
At the same time, every female magazine you read has women saying the want the men to take the initiative. Be bold, confidence, step up but there is that invisible line that is defined by different women. How the heck are we men supposed to know?? Women rarely take the initiative because they think that will make them a slut? You know who will think that? Other women! Men love it when women take charge.
You know who never gets into this problem, movie stars, rock stars, models and rich guys. If they ask, women will be throwing their panties at them. Some will be throwing themselves even before being asked or at 50 feet away. I myself am glad that I am married and nearing 40 where the effort to flirt and have an affair is just to tiring mentally and physically so I don't fall into this conundrum of when to be nice to women.
.....also, no women are asking me....
Monday, November 15, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Perfect Girlfriend
How many of this do you agree with??
- Has a sweet tooth
- Has perky little boobs - more than a handful is a waste
- Has long hair
- Has a pert little bottom
- Loves wine
- Isn't afraid to go without make up
- Is shorter than you
- Is really sporty
- Is skinny and trim
- Is a really good driver
- Is someone who is all about the family and children
- Enjoys a big hearty meal
- Enjoys watching football at the pub or on TV
- Knows her limits when it comes to booze
- Keeps on top of her weight
- Has a high sex drive
- Has a degree
- Employed
- Earns more than you
- Encourages nights out with the lads
- Jokes around and has a laugh
- Is comfortable wearing whatever
- Can get ready in ten minutes
- Enjoys home cooking
- Likes a lie in
- Is liked by your mates
- Likes your mates
- Good with money
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3219187/Men-list-ideal-girlfriends-traits.html#ixzz14r6i6QqM
- Has a sweet tooth
- Has perky little boobs - more than a handful is a waste
- Has long hair
- Has a pert little bottom
- Loves wine
- Isn't afraid to go without make up
- Is shorter than you
- Is really sporty
- Is skinny and trim
- Is a really good driver
- Is someone who is all about the family and children
- Enjoys a big hearty meal
- Enjoys watching football at the pub or on TV
- Knows her limits when it comes to booze
- Keeps on top of her weight
- Has a high sex drive
- Has a degree
- Employed
- Earns more than you
- Encourages nights out with the lads
- Jokes around and has a laugh
- Is comfortable wearing whatever
- Can get ready in ten minutes
- Enjoys home cooking
- Likes a lie in
- Is liked by your mates
- Likes your mates
- Good with money
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3219187/Men-list-ideal-girlfriends-traits.html#ixzz14r6i6QqM
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What does it got to do with patriotism?
Also in today's papers, Malaysia's defense minister said that there is a lack of non-Malays in the armed forces because of the lack of patriotism. And in the US, the military is trying to keep gays out of the military. This is just darn wrong.
As for our defense minister, I guess it goes to show that anyone can be a minister or you don't need brains to be in politics. I guess if he can make sweeping statements like that, so can I.
Just a side message to the US Govt; if the gays want to fight, LET THEM FIGHT!! If the gays in Malaysia want to fight, I will the first one advocating for them because I ain't fighting!!! Call me a faggot or a wuss. I am not fighting!!
Back to our predicament by the defense minister. As a non-Malay and representing 2 out of 3 of the major races, I can safely say, we are very patriotic but joining the armed forces is not in my top to do list. There are many reasons why we choose not to. Let me take the liberty to tell you what both races are thinking:-
1. The Govt is biased towards the Malays. They get all kinds of special priviliges that is protected by the constituition. When we ask for similar rights (mind you similar and not to take away any rights from anyone), we are told to be quiet and not raise racial tension, we are called immigrants and have to pay higher taxes, while the Malays enjoy loans at low rates and even get away from repayment (PTPTN) or paying taxes. On top of that, we don't get first choice into top university courses and scholarships. The top law student in Cambridge is a Malaysian sponsored by Singapore. This talent now belongs to Singapore.
So I say, we love our country very much but our country don't seem to love us. So let the sons of the earth, fight and shed blood for the country who pampers them so. Sour puss maybe but....yeah!
2. It doesn't take much to be in the army. It's not like you need a degree. Since we have so many Mat Rempits, drug addicts and lepak-ers, get them into the army. And since we are making sweeping statements, let me make another one; statistically most of them are Malays. Same with those child molester, rapist, animals who raped their own daughters. Send them to the army and since most of them are Malays....
3. We are more interested in making money. Chinese folks are mostly in business, triads, loan sharking while Indians are lawyers, engineering and burning people. Also we are being courted by other countries with scholarships and equality. So not much time for playing soldier boy!
4. It's not like we have the best equipments. Our planes use to fall into the sea more frequent than Tarzan scratches his butt in the morning. We have shoddy guns, no tanks, no night vision goggles, no cool gadgets. In fact we seem to have been stuck in WWII. So what's the incentive? Where is the cool factor?
5. Ration sucks! Other military eat steaks, drink beer and have strong nutrition value in food. We have nasi lemak and dried fish. There is also no pork! You can't tell me, the army doesn't eat wild boar in the jungle to survive.
6. We don't get to be on movies like Predator, Commando, Rambo, etc. The last time we made any movie worth watching was during the time of P.Ramlee back in the 60s and 70s.
7. 99% of the army are Malays and 90% of those can't speak English. We don't want to have a vocabulary dearth and stuck with only Malay. While we want to learn Malay, we also want to learn other languages.
8. Royal Military College which prepares future officers are for Malays....'nuff said.
9. We don't wanna die or at least so horribly.
10. Our country is safe. We don't have any enemies as we are not important enough. So there isn't any excitement factor either.
I don't foresee this changing anytime soon as the military which is run by stubborn hard heads are not going to change anytime soon. So if these factors persist, we are not going to get more non-Malays into the military. So Mr Defense Minister, pls read more and have some ounce of sense and sensitivity in you without making sweeping statements.
It is not lack of patriotism....it's just the thought of protecting ungrateful ingrates, that keeps us away.
As for our defense minister, I guess it goes to show that anyone can be a minister or you don't need brains to be in politics. I guess if he can make sweeping statements like that, so can I.
Just a side message to the US Govt; if the gays want to fight, LET THEM FIGHT!! If the gays in Malaysia want to fight, I will the first one advocating for them because I ain't fighting!!! Call me a faggot or a wuss. I am not fighting!!
Back to our predicament by the defense minister. As a non-Malay and representing 2 out of 3 of the major races, I can safely say, we are very patriotic but joining the armed forces is not in my top to do list. There are many reasons why we choose not to. Let me take the liberty to tell you what both races are thinking:-
1. The Govt is biased towards the Malays. They get all kinds of special priviliges that is protected by the constituition. When we ask for similar rights (mind you similar and not to take away any rights from anyone), we are told to be quiet and not raise racial tension, we are called immigrants and have to pay higher taxes, while the Malays enjoy loans at low rates and even get away from repayment (PTPTN) or paying taxes. On top of that, we don't get first choice into top university courses and scholarships. The top law student in Cambridge is a Malaysian sponsored by Singapore. This talent now belongs to Singapore.
So I say, we love our country very much but our country don't seem to love us. So let the sons of the earth, fight and shed blood for the country who pampers them so. Sour puss maybe but....yeah!
2. It doesn't take much to be in the army. It's not like you need a degree. Since we have so many Mat Rempits, drug addicts and lepak-ers, get them into the army. And since we are making sweeping statements, let me make another one; statistically most of them are Malays. Same with those child molester, rapist, animals who raped their own daughters. Send them to the army and since most of them are Malays....
3. We are more interested in making money. Chinese folks are mostly in business, triads, loan sharking while Indians are lawyers, engineering and burning people. Also we are being courted by other countries with scholarships and equality. So not much time for playing soldier boy!
4. It's not like we have the best equipments. Our planes use to fall into the sea more frequent than Tarzan scratches his butt in the morning. We have shoddy guns, no tanks, no night vision goggles, no cool gadgets. In fact we seem to have been stuck in WWII. So what's the incentive? Where is the cool factor?
5. Ration sucks! Other military eat steaks, drink beer and have strong nutrition value in food. We have nasi lemak and dried fish. There is also no pork! You can't tell me, the army doesn't eat wild boar in the jungle to survive.
6. We don't get to be on movies like Predator, Commando, Rambo, etc. The last time we made any movie worth watching was during the time of P.Ramlee back in the 60s and 70s.
7. 99% of the army are Malays and 90% of those can't speak English. We don't want to have a vocabulary dearth and stuck with only Malay. While we want to learn Malay, we also want to learn other languages.
8. Royal Military College which prepares future officers are for Malays....'nuff said.
9. We don't wanna die or at least so horribly.
10. Our country is safe. We don't have any enemies as we are not important enough. So there isn't any excitement factor either.
I don't foresee this changing anytime soon as the military which is run by stubborn hard heads are not going to change anytime soon. So if these factors persist, we are not going to get more non-Malays into the military. So Mr Defense Minister, pls read more and have some ounce of sense and sensitivity in you without making sweeping statements.
It is not lack of patriotism....it's just the thought of protecting ungrateful ingrates, that keeps us away.
Porn to cure PE?? You just know a guy is behind this!
In today's Star newspaper, you would have read about the possibility of curing premature ejaculation by watching porn! Now come on!! Have we resorted to this? First off, you just know that this is a guy thing. No self respecting woman doctor would make this statement simply because:-
1. It's a man's drawback
2. How is she going to experiment?
3. Guys like porn....there...I said it!!
If a guy tells you he doesn't watch or like porn, it's like Colonel Sanders saying he's going vegetarian (actually....you never know, he could be!). We like porn, that's it! We like it more than women and we don't know why that is so. It's like asking why we pee standing up, spray all over the toilet seat and then leave it up. It just is.
But society takes a very dim light of this simply because the standards of our society are set by women! So we have to like porn secretly without the knowledge of fellow porn admirers especially those of the different sex. But now, we have come to this. Putting it together with medical science. I bet next they will say it will cure caner or the common cold.
Kudos to the professors who thought of this and are trying to put it as part of medical science. We know better...shhh......
1. It's a man's drawback
2. How is she going to experiment?
3. Guys like porn....there...I said it!!
If a guy tells you he doesn't watch or like porn, it's like Colonel Sanders saying he's going vegetarian (actually....you never know, he could be!). We like porn, that's it! We like it more than women and we don't know why that is so. It's like asking why we pee standing up, spray all over the toilet seat and then leave it up. It just is.
But society takes a very dim light of this simply because the standards of our society are set by women! So we have to like porn secretly without the knowledge of fellow porn admirers especially those of the different sex. But now, we have come to this. Putting it together with medical science. I bet next they will say it will cure caner or the common cold.
Kudos to the professors who thought of this and are trying to put it as part of medical science. We know better...shhh......
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Indonesian Maid needs - they need to shut up and work as per their pay!!
I am writing this in light of the recent newspaper reports stating that the Indonesian Govt is not willing to let their citizens work as maids in Malaysia. This is because of the increase in maid abuse cases by Malaysian employers. They are starting to demand that if the next batch are needed to come in, we will need give them many more benefits that they already enjoy, like one day off, allow them to carry their own passports and an increase in salary.
I do admit that the Indonesian maids are being paid a lot less than if they went to Hong Kong, the Middle East or Singapore. I know for a fact that they aren't allowed elsewhere since Filipino maids are much more in demand elsewhere.
Now, anyone who has hired an Indonesian maid will understand why we are paying lower and why we keep the passports from them and why they don't have a day off. What irks me is how come we are not highlighting the fact that these maids are largely inept, lazy and are dick-crazy!
There have been many cases that have not gone reported of maids abusing the children or old people under their care. Why? It's because we are generally nice people. There were also disturbances at the Malaysian Embassy in Jakarta by a group called Bendera (why would they name themselves "flag" is beyond me) who asked for Malaysian companies to leave Indonesia and for Indonesians to come back. Yeah, come back to what? Poverty?
Just for the record, we are not that hot about them being here either. They enter illegally and are sheltered by our generosity and we get it thrown back in our faces. If they want to demand, we want to impose a few demands of our own:-
1. Learn the language - We don't speak Indonesian and in case you thought we have the same language, think again.
2. Be trained for ALL basic domestic housework - We have maids who have never seen a flush toilet. Learn how to use an iron and understand the concept of the bleach so that my 200 dollar blue shirt doesn't look like it's have a Michael Jackson syndrome.
3. Learn to cook - at least be useful around the kitchen and not use the soya sauce as cooking oil!
4. Stay away from the guys - It's simple. You are here for 2 years and you are going home. There is no future with whatever guy you think you want to be with and these Indonesian blue collars are not in love with you. They are just looking for a convenient lay. Anything with a pulse will do. When you are at the airport going home, you can screw in the latrine for all I care.
5. Don't steal - Maybe from where they came from, stealing is a rule you can bend. Pls train your people that it may be ok to do so in their own country but not in mine.
6. BE diligent - It's a hard life from where you came from. Compared to that, 99% of your employers are God sent. You are fed, clothed and given luxury. Work diligently and do what you are supposed to do.
7. Stop lying! - You are not good liars and still you are lying. On top of that you think we are stupid enough not to figure it out. Maybe your culture tolerates it but pls educate your people that lying and lying stupidly at that is a very bad character flaw.
8. Be grateful - We have the same culture, same food, same religious tolerance and 50% similar language as Indonesia. In the Middle East women have no rights, let alone a foreign domestic maid (yeah I said it1), food is not kosher and you have to learn a new language pretty quick, or you are out of there. The expectations are higher and people are not forgiving.
This is what I can think of in short notice. If you have any ideas you want to share, drop me a line! Let;s hope the alternatives from Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand won't give us a social headache.
I do admit that the Indonesian maids are being paid a lot less than if they went to Hong Kong, the Middle East or Singapore. I know for a fact that they aren't allowed elsewhere since Filipino maids are much more in demand elsewhere.
Now, anyone who has hired an Indonesian maid will understand why we are paying lower and why we keep the passports from them and why they don't have a day off. What irks me is how come we are not highlighting the fact that these maids are largely inept, lazy and are dick-crazy!
There have been many cases that have not gone reported of maids abusing the children or old people under their care. Why? It's because we are generally nice people. There were also disturbances at the Malaysian Embassy in Jakarta by a group called Bendera (why would they name themselves "flag" is beyond me) who asked for Malaysian companies to leave Indonesia and for Indonesians to come back. Yeah, come back to what? Poverty?
Just for the record, we are not that hot about them being here either. They enter illegally and are sheltered by our generosity and we get it thrown back in our faces. If they want to demand, we want to impose a few demands of our own:-
1. Learn the language - We don't speak Indonesian and in case you thought we have the same language, think again.
2. Be trained for ALL basic domestic housework - We have maids who have never seen a flush toilet. Learn how to use an iron and understand the concept of the bleach so that my 200 dollar blue shirt doesn't look like it's have a Michael Jackson syndrome.
3. Learn to cook - at least be useful around the kitchen and not use the soya sauce as cooking oil!
4. Stay away from the guys - It's simple. You are here for 2 years and you are going home. There is no future with whatever guy you think you want to be with and these Indonesian blue collars are not in love with you. They are just looking for a convenient lay. Anything with a pulse will do. When you are at the airport going home, you can screw in the latrine for all I care.
5. Don't steal - Maybe from where they came from, stealing is a rule you can bend. Pls train your people that it may be ok to do so in their own country but not in mine.
6. BE diligent - It's a hard life from where you came from. Compared to that, 99% of your employers are God sent. You are fed, clothed and given luxury. Work diligently and do what you are supposed to do.
7. Stop lying! - You are not good liars and still you are lying. On top of that you think we are stupid enough not to figure it out. Maybe your culture tolerates it but pls educate your people that lying and lying stupidly at that is a very bad character flaw.
8. Be grateful - We have the same culture, same food, same religious tolerance and 50% similar language as Indonesia. In the Middle East women have no rights, let alone a foreign domestic maid (yeah I said it1), food is not kosher and you have to learn a new language pretty quick, or you are out of there. The expectations are higher and people are not forgiving.
This is what I can think of in short notice. If you have any ideas you want to share, drop me a line! Let;s hope the alternatives from Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand won't give us a social headache.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Universal Studios
What's it like to have a taste of Hollywood in Asia? HOT LIKE HELL!!! I doubt even Hell was as hot! The new Universal Studios in SG was a slight disappointment but it was a lot of fun none the less. It was divided to New York, New York which was supposed to be a replica of the Big Apple in the 50s, Sci-Fi, Ancient Egypt, Madagascar, Lost World and Far, Far, Away.
True to our family trend, we got there around 9.30 and met Kwein CC who graciously spent the whole day with us and 7 kids. Now that is no mean feat ok? We had kids with all kinds of characteristics and they can drive a nun to bottle. The disappointment was that some of the rides were either closed or not open yet. Battlestar Galactica's roller coaster ride was closed for repairs because one of the seat flew off! The official reason was that the car was not to their specifications. I want to say something smart here but it would be too easy. There is a boat ride at the Madagascar section but that was not opened yet.
On top of that, the afternoon heat was at least 40 degrees. We were swimming in our own salty sweat in the sweltering heat. There were many characters in costumes who came out to parade, dance and provide photo opps. I felt so much gratitude and admiration to these guys/gals who continued playing their part professionally in being cooked in their furry costumes at 40 degrees. Imagine Alex the Lion in an oven. That guy must have lost at least 10 lbs that day.
Princess Fiona though decided to buck the trend and she came out as sour a puss as you can find. She was so pissed, I mistook her for the evil witch in Snow White. She couldn't crack any smile and looked to upset, I almost asked her if she is having a stroke!!
Ancient Egypt was a lot of fun and scary. There was a Lights, Camera, Action show which showed us how special effects were used in creating a hurricane scene in New York. That was SUPER Cool!!! At least I liked it. There were other shows like Monster Rock (miss it if you can) and Shrek 4D. That's not too bad.
Lost World were also good rides. One is a canopy thingy ride where you are "hung" on the seat with your feet dangling 20 meters above the ground. The merchandises were not too bad but Universal Studio price, so go easy. Just outside of the entrance, there is a huge Hershey shop with the best popcorn sold next door. I was so mesmerised by the popcorn that I didn't notice the name of the shop. Their popcorn was so rich and aromatic. It was great....and expensive. Even the stale popcorn were still good.
Needless to say the food really sucked but it was not as pricey and since we had no choice, cannot complain then lor. Now can complain. We were, however, treated to a sumptuous dinner at the prestigious China Club where "Yau Chin Tou Mm Yap Tak". Got money also cannot enter.
I had a great time with my family and cousins as we usually do. If you are looking forward to visiting anytime soon, I would suggest checking the website to ensure all the rides are ready. You will have more fun that way and getting your money's worth...hey, I am Chindian.
True to our family trend, we got there around 9.30 and met Kwein CC who graciously spent the whole day with us and 7 kids. Now that is no mean feat ok? We had kids with all kinds of characteristics and they can drive a nun to bottle. The disappointment was that some of the rides were either closed or not open yet. Battlestar Galactica's roller coaster ride was closed for repairs because one of the seat flew off! The official reason was that the car was not to their specifications. I want to say something smart here but it would be too easy. There is a boat ride at the Madagascar section but that was not opened yet.
On top of that, the afternoon heat was at least 40 degrees. We were swimming in our own salty sweat in the sweltering heat. There were many characters in costumes who came out to parade, dance and provide photo opps. I felt so much gratitude and admiration to these guys/gals who continued playing their part professionally in being cooked in their furry costumes at 40 degrees. Imagine Alex the Lion in an oven. That guy must have lost at least 10 lbs that day.
Princess Fiona though decided to buck the trend and she came out as sour a puss as you can find. She was so pissed, I mistook her for the evil witch in Snow White. She couldn't crack any smile and looked to upset, I almost asked her if she is having a stroke!!
Ancient Egypt was a lot of fun and scary. There was a Lights, Camera, Action show which showed us how special effects were used in creating a hurricane scene in New York. That was SUPER Cool!!! At least I liked it. There were other shows like Monster Rock (miss it if you can) and Shrek 4D. That's not too bad.
Lost World were also good rides. One is a canopy thingy ride where you are "hung" on the seat with your feet dangling 20 meters above the ground. The merchandises were not too bad but Universal Studio price, so go easy. Just outside of the entrance, there is a huge Hershey shop with the best popcorn sold next door. I was so mesmerised by the popcorn that I didn't notice the name of the shop. Their popcorn was so rich and aromatic. It was great....and expensive. Even the stale popcorn were still good.
Needless to say the food really sucked but it was not as pricey and since we had no choice, cannot complain then lor. Now can complain. We were, however, treated to a sumptuous dinner at the prestigious China Club where "Yau Chin Tou Mm Yap Tak". Got money also cannot enter.
I had a great time with my family and cousins as we usually do. If you are looking forward to visiting anytime soon, I would suggest checking the website to ensure all the rides are ready. You will have more fun that way and getting your money's worth...hey, I am Chindian.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Again TV is to blame????
If you are from Malaysia, some of you are definitely following the gripping drama that is the murder of a prominent business woman in Banting. What makes this news more gripping is not only was she burned and the ashes scattered in a river, our forensics discovered the DNA of another 20 individuals making that particular field and river a mini-killing field.
I have 2 questions.
One, what the heck does gripping news mean??? How does a new "grip" you and why is that a metaphor for interesting news? Second, we have a forensics dept??? Shows you how powerful TV can be, now with CSI showing hunky man and low-cut dress wearing forensics hotties. Sign me up!!!
So anyway, the murder suspects were caught and they promptly sang like a canary which led to more arrests and the police searching for more people involved. Unfortunately in this case, the suspects happen to be Indian. Now that really ticks me off!
Already the stereotype about Indians burning our wives or at least prone to domestic violence. And here we go doing what the stereotype describes us. So can we blame society for that? There are many Indians who are trying to dispel that but we do get some roti canai brainiacs.
Anyway, with this now in the forefront of our news. of course our Indian community leaders should be taking leadership in helping to solve the crime and ensure that it's not a crime related to any race. We look forward to our fearless leaders advising us on how we should protect the harmony of our society and we got it....sort of.
If you read yesterday's and today's paper, the problem of all this lies in the violence that they find in Indian movies. Bollywood, being violent, is the catalyst of our race being violent. That also means that our race are mindless zombies when we watch violent movies since we only focus on the violence and not on the moral or the ending where the good guys ALWAYS wins and crime doesn't pay. It is also ignorant to say that seeing the TV also has comedy and cookshows but you don't see us suddenly being a race of clowns and cooking mutton varuvel by the pot loads!!!
It's also an insult to us parents seeing that we are less influential than TV. From their hypothesis, these kids spend time watching a few movies and turn into brutal homicidal maniacs. The examples that parents set for us must be just as poor as mindless TV is parents are so easily replaced. So the problem must be bad parenting right?
Well, if you asked a rational, pragmatic, logical and devilishly handsome while aerodynamic in shape Chindian, he will tell you that it's a bit of both. Kids at a certain age are very impressionable. OF course if you leave them be, they may just turn out to whatever it is that was influencing them and 90% of the stimulus comes from home, meaning the family. And parents are the biggest influence. How we treat each other, how we respect and love each other, how do we respond to certain situations, etc. Unless we are screwed up and absolutely loose morals, your kids will turn out fine.
As parents, as least we give them a solid foundation. If we don't even give them that, then the battle is half lost. If we do, the future is good. Now what happens when the kids grow up is up to them. They now have some measure of a brain and can fully differentiate between right and wrong. Putting the blame on TV is ignorant, out dated and simply living in a state of denial. We debated about this and the debate is over. TV is here to stay regardless. How is it that we show successful sport persons living a lavish life but no one seems to be following their example? But shoot a couple of guns and suddenly we are psychos!
This is just me ranting but I am both disappointed and peeved by the way the media stereotypes us, Indians living up to the stereotype and our leaders making absolutely degenerate statements in public. There ought to be a law against that.
For idiotic politicians who make stupid statements like calling other races immigrants when they themselves are such, telling other races they should go back to China if they don't want to fast, saying that they can't take action against such blatant offenders even though he is the Education Minister or saying things like certain races will lose power just because BN loses in the election, the punishment is to burn them in a little field in Banting and scatter their ashes over the river.
How's that? Not just a pretty face!
I have 2 questions.
One, what the heck does gripping news mean??? How does a new "grip" you and why is that a metaphor for interesting news? Second, we have a forensics dept??? Shows you how powerful TV can be, now with CSI showing hunky man and low-cut dress wearing forensics hotties. Sign me up!!!
So anyway, the murder suspects were caught and they promptly sang like a canary which led to more arrests and the police searching for more people involved. Unfortunately in this case, the suspects happen to be Indian. Now that really ticks me off!
Already the stereotype about Indians burning our wives or at least prone to domestic violence. And here we go doing what the stereotype describes us. So can we blame society for that? There are many Indians who are trying to dispel that but we do get some roti canai brainiacs.
Anyway, with this now in the forefront of our news. of course our Indian community leaders should be taking leadership in helping to solve the crime and ensure that it's not a crime related to any race. We look forward to our fearless leaders advising us on how we should protect the harmony of our society and we got it....sort of.
If you read yesterday's and today's paper, the problem of all this lies in the violence that they find in Indian movies. Bollywood, being violent, is the catalyst of our race being violent. That also means that our race are mindless zombies when we watch violent movies since we only focus on the violence and not on the moral or the ending where the good guys ALWAYS wins and crime doesn't pay. It is also ignorant to say that seeing the TV also has comedy and cookshows but you don't see us suddenly being a race of clowns and cooking mutton varuvel by the pot loads!!!
It's also an insult to us parents seeing that we are less influential than TV. From their hypothesis, these kids spend time watching a few movies and turn into brutal homicidal maniacs. The examples that parents set for us must be just as poor as mindless TV is parents are so easily replaced. So the problem must be bad parenting right?
Well, if you asked a rational, pragmatic, logical and devilishly handsome while aerodynamic in shape Chindian, he will tell you that it's a bit of both. Kids at a certain age are very impressionable. OF course if you leave them be, they may just turn out to whatever it is that was influencing them and 90% of the stimulus comes from home, meaning the family. And parents are the biggest influence. How we treat each other, how we respect and love each other, how do we respond to certain situations, etc. Unless we are screwed up and absolutely loose morals, your kids will turn out fine.
As parents, as least we give them a solid foundation. If we don't even give them that, then the battle is half lost. If we do, the future is good. Now what happens when the kids grow up is up to them. They now have some measure of a brain and can fully differentiate between right and wrong. Putting the blame on TV is ignorant, out dated and simply living in a state of denial. We debated about this and the debate is over. TV is here to stay regardless. How is it that we show successful sport persons living a lavish life but no one seems to be following their example? But shoot a couple of guns and suddenly we are psychos!
This is just me ranting but I am both disappointed and peeved by the way the media stereotypes us, Indians living up to the stereotype and our leaders making absolutely degenerate statements in public. There ought to be a law against that.
For idiotic politicians who make stupid statements like calling other races immigrants when they themselves are such, telling other races they should go back to China if they don't want to fast, saying that they can't take action against such blatant offenders even though he is the Education Minister or saying things like certain races will lose power just because BN loses in the election, the punishment is to burn them in a little field in Banting and scatter their ashes over the river.
How's that? Not just a pretty face!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Authentic Malay food while sweating
I was recently introduced to a really village styled Malay restaurant right in the heart of our city of Petaling Jaya that is able to combine the authenticity of the food and that of a Malay village ambiance to that of city level pricing. Let's get one thing straight, the food ain't cheap! The variety is absolutely fabulous!! The restaurant appeals to me because it solves my "Malay Dilemma". It is not easy to find good Malay restaurant in the city area that has good food, clean but not price that is going to bore a hole in your pocket.
The variety we get are either at the hawkers or hotels. Hawkers are either selling Thai-Malay food (god knows what's up with that misguided synapse crap) or are dirty. Hotel food tend to be...well....hotel food, by which I mean not great and cost more than kidney transplant surgery.
Images of the Sambal Hijau Menu - Click Here
Sambal Hijau has a wide variety of dishes AND also sauces. Different types of chili and sambal. The vegetable variety is poor though but the rest is good to go. They even have grilled fish and sting ray accompanied by their own made sauce. While the food is not cheap, it's lower than most good Malay restaurant. So my "Malay Dilemma" solved with good food and LOWER (not cheap...did I mention that?) prices. Futhermore, being in Sg Penchala (off TTDI), it's pretty near home and office.
One of the downside to Sambal Hijau is that it is not air-conditioned so if you are going for lunch, dress comfortably. If you are in office attire, you may just get a little sticky and wet. There aren't too many tables and seats so best to get there early for lunch. I would suggest getting there by 12pm. Anytime after that, it's your luck.
We are usually there by 12pm, have a good stuffing, enjoy that green jelly-like substance with "Gula Melaka" or brown sugar and then head off. The other downside is that you can't really stay at the restaurant too long as people are waiting for places. Which is fine, since it's hot anyway. It's very difficult to have a light lunch here. If you are on a diet, going to Sambal Hijau is like taking Tiger Woods on a police operation on a vice bust of prostitutes. After lunch, it's probably best to get to a Starbucks and get a strong latte to pump back your adrenalin for the day. Otherwise it's nighty-night!
Dinner is not as adventurous. Somehow it's not very packed unless it's during the fasting month of Ramadan. We have many folks packing food to break fast with. Sambal Hijau is located in Sg Penchala. I don't have the address, you will have to google it from other who are more considerate than me. For me, I hope you don't find it so that it's not more packed than it already is. I just told you to tease you...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
So enjoy the menu as shown in the link above.....MUUAAHAHAHAHAHA!
The variety we get are either at the hawkers or hotels. Hawkers are either selling Thai-Malay food (god knows what's up with that misguided synapse crap) or are dirty. Hotel food tend to be...well....hotel food, by which I mean not great and cost more than kidney transplant surgery.
Images of the Sambal Hijau Menu - Click Here
Sambal Hijau has a wide variety of dishes AND also sauces. Different types of chili and sambal. The vegetable variety is poor though but the rest is good to go. They even have grilled fish and sting ray accompanied by their own made sauce. While the food is not cheap, it's lower than most good Malay restaurant. So my "Malay Dilemma" solved with good food and LOWER (not cheap...did I mention that?) prices. Futhermore, being in Sg Penchala (off TTDI), it's pretty near home and office.
One of the downside to Sambal Hijau is that it is not air-conditioned so if you are going for lunch, dress comfortably. If you are in office attire, you may just get a little sticky and wet. There aren't too many tables and seats so best to get there early for lunch. I would suggest getting there by 12pm. Anytime after that, it's your luck.
We are usually there by 12pm, have a good stuffing, enjoy that green jelly-like substance with "Gula Melaka" or brown sugar and then head off. The other downside is that you can't really stay at the restaurant too long as people are waiting for places. Which is fine, since it's hot anyway. It's very difficult to have a light lunch here. If you are on a diet, going to Sambal Hijau is like taking Tiger Woods on a police operation on a vice bust of prostitutes. After lunch, it's probably best to get to a Starbucks and get a strong latte to pump back your adrenalin for the day. Otherwise it's nighty-night!
Dinner is not as adventurous. Somehow it's not very packed unless it's during the fasting month of Ramadan. We have many folks packing food to break fast with. Sambal Hijau is located in Sg Penchala. I don't have the address, you will have to google it from other who are more considerate than me. For me, I hope you don't find it so that it's not more packed than it already is. I just told you to tease you...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
So enjoy the menu as shown in the link above.....MUUAAHAHAHAHAHA!
Movie Review - Grown Ups about Growing Up (BOOORRRRIIINNNGGGG)
It was a very hyped movie because we are talking Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schnieder and the ever impressive Salma Hayek. Man, I was pumped!! In fact, I thought it was going to be gross, you know full of guy jokes, very Adam Sandler but I got a taste of what would happen when jokers grew up. They get BORING! I am a huge Adam Sandler fan, a guy's guy. Movies like Waterboy, The Zohan, Happy Gilmore where it's very slapstick and GROSS. Here we see a transition of that going into Old-Farthood!
I can understand since these guys have kids and they wanna be good role models for their family and all that psychological bull-crap (pardon my German). It's pretty much the same route that Eddie Murphy took. Now he is doing Disney cartoon/movie for goodness. He is "Mr. Fuck-you man" for Pete's sake!
So we get a very docile family comedy. There are some moments but it's all about being together and rediscovering the family life and love and togetherness and friendship and realizing what's important all the way in Sugar Sweetness Hell! Makes you wanna jump off the Empire State Building and hope to catch your eyelid on a nail!!
Now, it wasn't a total lost. Salma Hayek provided the sexiness and there were some comedy, just don't get your hopes to high up. So if you are into Jim Carrey, the Adam Sandler of old, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock or Robin Williams, this movie is going to bum you out. You will feel like you just took a sedative. So calm down, take the excitement down a couple of notches. Have a nice cup of hot tea next to you and some granola bars. Now you are ready.
I can understand since these guys have kids and they wanna be good role models for their family and all that psychological bull-crap (pardon my German). It's pretty much the same route that Eddie Murphy took. Now he is doing Disney cartoon/movie for goodness. He is "Mr. Fuck-you man" for Pete's sake!
So we get a very docile family comedy. There are some moments but it's all about being together and rediscovering the family life and love and togetherness and friendship and realizing what's important all the way in Sugar Sweetness Hell! Makes you wanna jump off the Empire State Building and hope to catch your eyelid on a nail!!
Now, it wasn't a total lost. Salma Hayek provided the sexiness and there were some comedy, just don't get your hopes to high up. So if you are into Jim Carrey, the Adam Sandler of old, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock or Robin Williams, this movie is going to bum you out. You will feel like you just took a sedative. So calm down, take the excitement down a couple of notches. Have a nice cup of hot tea next to you and some granola bars. Now you are ready.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Top Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
11. Chuck Norris been on mars, thats why the're no signs of life there.
12. Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter.
13. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
14. When God said: "Let there be light", Chuck said: "say please".
15. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
16. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
17. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
18. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
19. Before science was invented it was once believed that winter occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
20. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
21. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
22. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
23. If your not handicapped you never met Chuck Norris
24. Chuck Norris took a dump and created whats commonly known as Mt. Everest.
25. The only thing that Chuck Norris can't do is surf. Thats because everytime he gets into the water it parts in half.
26. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
27. Chuck Norris tells Paul the octopus all the answers.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
11. Chuck Norris been on mars, thats why the're no signs of life there.
12. Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter.
13. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
14. When God said: "Let there be light", Chuck said: "say please".
15. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
16. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
17. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
18. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
19. Before science was invented it was once believed that winter occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
20. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
21. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
22. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
23. If your not handicapped you never met Chuck Norris
24. Chuck Norris took a dump and created whats commonly known as Mt. Everest.
25. The only thing that Chuck Norris can't do is surf. Thats because everytime he gets into the water it parts in half.
26. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
27. Chuck Norris tells Paul the octopus all the answers.
Friday, September 3, 2010
What does a Chindian hate?
Just to give you some insights into the wondrous mechanism called the Chindian brain, I thought we start with what we normally hate. Why start with hate? Well....it's more fun. Isn't it? Did you really wanna know what we liked? If you do....next posting. Also since it's my blog, I will write what I want.
1. Utensil discrimination
Just because I look Malay, every time I am in a Chinese restaurant and order noodles, I will be given a fork. Hey man!! I know how to use the damn chopsticks! It's not exclusive to Chinese you know!! I know a lot of non-Chinese folks who know how to use the chopstick.
2. Correct utensils
I am very particular of food, table manners and using the right utensils. I get a little miffed when people use fork to eat noodles or fork and spoon for banana leaf rice or just fork to eat rice like how the mat sallehs eat. If you are not a foreigner, you gotta use the right utensils. Use your hands for banana leaf and chopsticks for noodles. Rice is eaten with a spoon, deal with it!
3. Racism
It's very disheartening to see racism in this day and age in a multi cultural country. I remember in the 70s and 80s, we didn't have that much of a problem and I had many Malay friends. Because of the rise in ultra-Islam and the Govt wanting to win votes in the Malay heartland, this has gone unchecked. We have leaders calling other races immigrants, when they themselves are such. We have school principals asking Chinese students to go back to China if they want to eat during fasting month. In school!! From teachers!! What hope is there for our future generations?
This is not isolated to Malays only. How many times have we Chinese and Indians dissed each other? A Chinese parent would rather run his tongue on the sewage than allow his daughter to marry an Indian or Malay man. Indian parents will be playing a Bollywood movie tragedy scene should their kids decide to marry out of race or even out of dialect. What a bunch of hypocrites and ignorant rat droppings. Me? I am ok for my kids to marry any race....as long it's with the opposite gender.
4. Mistaking me for Malay and then getting upset when I am not
I am not sure if you noticed but Malay folks are a very warm and hospitable bunch of people, more so with their own race. Which is more than I can say for other races, except the Punjabis. They always mistake me for a Malay and when they wish me peace in Arabic and I don't answer in Arabic, they get upset. Their warm smile disappears instantly!! More so during the fasting month of Ramadan. I get dirty looks during lunch and more than my fair share, I was refused service. Now during Ramadan, I eat pork. Come and get me sucker!!
5. Can't decide at a fast food restaurant
Tell me if this has happened to you. People who spend 2mins in a queue in a fast food restaurant, get to the counter and only then start deciding what they want!! And this is McDonald's or KFC. How deep in the jungle do you have to stay to not know what to order in McD's or KFC? The menu hasn't changed in 20 years for goodness sake. Then they start having conversations with their kids/friends/spouse/similar-cretin-friends. Totally oblivious of the queue. We need to have a law that allows other customers to carry tranquilizers and shoot a dart or two at these people.
6. Traffic light honkers
These are the folks who think that moving a few inches or saving a few milliseconds at the traffic light is going to give them eternal youth! The moment the light turns green, these honkers come out and start their stupid honking! Sorry but I need a few micro seconds for my hand to change gears and my feet to hit the accelerator.
These are the same cretins, when a car in the queue moves 6 inches, you need to move to. Failure to do so will result in honking and tailgating in a stationary position.
7. Motor bikers
Let me go on record to say I know a lot of bikers who are responsible and careful riders. The bikers I hate are those idiots who cut in and out of traffic, cut on the left side of the car, ride recklessly thinking they are invincible. I have no problems these idiots crashing into the back of truck and their brains spread all over the road like strawberry jam on toast. They only problem is that they create inconvenience to others. They may get innocent people hurt or at least the inconvenience of going to the police station and all those legal procedures. What we gotta do is to improve public transport, increase the number of buses and ban bikes below 500cc. If you want to travel, save to buy a car or take the bus.
8. Credit card/insurance sales people/telemarketers
These are the people who jump at everyone they see trying to get them to get a credit card that is free for life. You see them at the malls, bus-stations, retail outlets, etc. Ironically you don't see them at the bank. Nobody at the bank is selling you anything. That is the safest place to hide from them. It's like if you are a fugitive, the safest to hide from the police is at the police station.
These insurance people are the same. Calling you every weekend so that you can't use the reason of being in a meeting. But calling during my family time is going to just put me in a mood to spend money and time with a perfect stranger on the phone. I think a law should be passed where these people are subjected to telemarketing for 8 hours a day for 3 months and then have others follow them around for another 3 months and jumping out at them to get them to buys something.
9. Parsley
What the heck is the function of parsley on my meals??? Why do I want parsley on my steak, burger, noodles, fries, lasagna, spaghetti, etc. I once asked a chef and he said it's for fragrance and decoration! I told him, the next time you want to make my food smell nice and decorate it, use a sausage or a Fillet Mignon. Better still if you can, find some roast pork knuckle as decoration and I even love the smell!! Let's try that!
10. All that new age dieting
Only in a rich country do we hear people saying things like "Only eat green and vegetables. Red meat will clog your arteries and kill you. Fishes have mercury and just about every poultry is injected with growth hormones". What are we supposed to do for carbo and protein? Take supplements! That's the answer! Red meat won't kill you!! Green meat will. If you have the good fortune to be blessed to have the opportunity to eat steak, bite the hell out of that bitch!!!
Only in rich countries do you hear people being lactose intolerant. They have to take soy cause they are lactose intolerant. You think kids in Rwanda are lactose intolerant??!?!?! These kids eat tree barks and dirt! Life in dieting is about moderation. Don't stuff your face with meat EVERY meal! Diversify and add variety to your diet. And for those who like dieting, don't try to convert people to it! It's not a religion. If a person is not interested the first time, move on!
This is the first list of my dislikes. Next round, LIKES! If you have any dislikes of your own, drop me a note.
1. Utensil discrimination
Just because I look Malay, every time I am in a Chinese restaurant and order noodles, I will be given a fork. Hey man!! I know how to use the damn chopsticks! It's not exclusive to Chinese you know!! I know a lot of non-Chinese folks who know how to use the chopstick.
2. Correct utensils
I am very particular of food, table manners and using the right utensils. I get a little miffed when people use fork to eat noodles or fork and spoon for banana leaf rice or just fork to eat rice like how the mat sallehs eat. If you are not a foreigner, you gotta use the right utensils. Use your hands for banana leaf and chopsticks for noodles. Rice is eaten with a spoon, deal with it!
3. Racism
It's very disheartening to see racism in this day and age in a multi cultural country. I remember in the 70s and 80s, we didn't have that much of a problem and I had many Malay friends. Because of the rise in ultra-Islam and the Govt wanting to win votes in the Malay heartland, this has gone unchecked. We have leaders calling other races immigrants, when they themselves are such. We have school principals asking Chinese students to go back to China if they want to eat during fasting month. In school!! From teachers!! What hope is there for our future generations?
This is not isolated to Malays only. How many times have we Chinese and Indians dissed each other? A Chinese parent would rather run his tongue on the sewage than allow his daughter to marry an Indian or Malay man. Indian parents will be playing a Bollywood movie tragedy scene should their kids decide to marry out of race or even out of dialect. What a bunch of hypocrites and ignorant rat droppings. Me? I am ok for my kids to marry any race....as long it's with the opposite gender.
4. Mistaking me for Malay and then getting upset when I am not
I am not sure if you noticed but Malay folks are a very warm and hospitable bunch of people, more so with their own race. Which is more than I can say for other races, except the Punjabis. They always mistake me for a Malay and when they wish me peace in Arabic and I don't answer in Arabic, they get upset. Their warm smile disappears instantly!! More so during the fasting month of Ramadan. I get dirty looks during lunch and more than my fair share, I was refused service. Now during Ramadan, I eat pork. Come and get me sucker!!
5. Can't decide at a fast food restaurant
Tell me if this has happened to you. People who spend 2mins in a queue in a fast food restaurant, get to the counter and only then start deciding what they want!! And this is McDonald's or KFC. How deep in the jungle do you have to stay to not know what to order in McD's or KFC? The menu hasn't changed in 20 years for goodness sake. Then they start having conversations with their kids/friends/spouse/similar-cretin-friends. Totally oblivious of the queue. We need to have a law that allows other customers to carry tranquilizers and shoot a dart or two at these people.
6. Traffic light honkers
These are the folks who think that moving a few inches or saving a few milliseconds at the traffic light is going to give them eternal youth! The moment the light turns green, these honkers come out and start their stupid honking! Sorry but I need a few micro seconds for my hand to change gears and my feet to hit the accelerator.
These are the same cretins, when a car in the queue moves 6 inches, you need to move to. Failure to do so will result in honking and tailgating in a stationary position.
7. Motor bikers
Let me go on record to say I know a lot of bikers who are responsible and careful riders. The bikers I hate are those idiots who cut in and out of traffic, cut on the left side of the car, ride recklessly thinking they are invincible. I have no problems these idiots crashing into the back of truck and their brains spread all over the road like strawberry jam on toast. They only problem is that they create inconvenience to others. They may get innocent people hurt or at least the inconvenience of going to the police station and all those legal procedures. What we gotta do is to improve public transport, increase the number of buses and ban bikes below 500cc. If you want to travel, save to buy a car or take the bus.
8. Credit card/insurance sales people/telemarketers
These are the people who jump at everyone they see trying to get them to get a credit card that is free for life. You see them at the malls, bus-stations, retail outlets, etc. Ironically you don't see them at the bank. Nobody at the bank is selling you anything. That is the safest place to hide from them. It's like if you are a fugitive, the safest to hide from the police is at the police station.
These insurance people are the same. Calling you every weekend so that you can't use the reason of being in a meeting. But calling during my family time is going to just put me in a mood to spend money and time with a perfect stranger on the phone. I think a law should be passed where these people are subjected to telemarketing for 8 hours a day for 3 months and then have others follow them around for another 3 months and jumping out at them to get them to buys something.
9. Parsley
What the heck is the function of parsley on my meals??? Why do I want parsley on my steak, burger, noodles, fries, lasagna, spaghetti, etc. I once asked a chef and he said it's for fragrance and decoration! I told him, the next time you want to make my food smell nice and decorate it, use a sausage or a Fillet Mignon. Better still if you can, find some roast pork knuckle as decoration and I even love the smell!! Let's try that!
10. All that new age dieting
Only in a rich country do we hear people saying things like "Only eat green and vegetables. Red meat will clog your arteries and kill you. Fishes have mercury and just about every poultry is injected with growth hormones". What are we supposed to do for carbo and protein? Take supplements! That's the answer! Red meat won't kill you!! Green meat will. If you have the good fortune to be blessed to have the opportunity to eat steak, bite the hell out of that bitch!!!
Only in rich countries do you hear people being lactose intolerant. They have to take soy cause they are lactose intolerant. You think kids in Rwanda are lactose intolerant??!?!?! These kids eat tree barks and dirt! Life in dieting is about moderation. Don't stuff your face with meat EVERY meal! Diversify and add variety to your diet. And for those who like dieting, don't try to convert people to it! It's not a religion. If a person is not interested the first time, move on!
This is the first list of my dislikes. Next round, LIKES! If you have any dislikes of your own, drop me a note.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
What do I love about Malaysia?
In the spirit of Malaysia's independence day on 31st of Aug, I thought I reflected on the coolest aspects of Malaysian life that may make us unique from the rest of the world. Some of tongue-in-cheek and some are serious but all very real. Let's see if you have any opinion.
1. FOOD
This is not disputed. Food may not always be great but the variety would knock your socks off. We have all kinds of food, from ethnic tribes to fusion. You can find food anywhere and best of all, anytime. In the urban areas, you can wake up at 3am and still find food. It is very difficult to describe the true essence of our food. You just gotta see it for yourselves. In fact our food is SOOO good, the Singaporeans want to claim it for their own. So, so sad for them and great for us!!!
2. Personal choice
We can decide what we want to do. Don't want to follow the law, then don't. Park wherever you want, bribe whoever you want, stop a taxi wherever you want. Enforcement is low and "negotiable".
3. Self pride
Up until about 20 years ago, we were very dependent on foreigner talent and opinion. We always thought we were inferior to them but our PM gave us pride and we now speak louder, straighter and depend more on our own in the skilled work areas.
4. Melting pot
Just like in the 20s and 30s, we had an influx of labourers from China and India to work in the tin mines and rubber estates. They now form 2 of the 3 major races in Malaysia and are mainstays of our economy. Now we see the same with Indonesians, Nepalis, Bangladeshis who take on manual labour work and crime. Jalan Silang in Kota Raya is like Little Nepal.
5. Enforcement
For lighter crimes, we can "negotiate" with our officers. Bribe is such an ugly word. In some countries, when you offer "negotiable bonds", they prosecute you further. Here, officers will ask to "negotiate" and even if they threaten to take you in for "negotiating" you can "negotiate" that too.
6. Tourism
We have some of the most beautiful places to visit that will blow your mind off. Our culture is colourful and vibrant and visitors will have a great time deciding if you want to go back to nature or stay in the city. Even then, you can decide if you like the highlands or the sea. If you can't decide, do both! Best is, you can do this cheaply.
7. National Car
Most car companies survive by coming up with better cars, more efficiently. Better designs, better promotions and customer focus. Proton on the other hand depends on Government bailouts, design that hasn't changed since 1994, really crappy cars (check out the Proton Juara, go ahead, google it), levying heavy taxes on foreign cars so that they cost twice as much and really efficient production as much as the car breaks down the moment it leave the plant.
8. Mamak and Ramly burger stands
These are very visible icons of the Malaysian culture and life. Mamak actually refers to people of Indian descent and are Muslims. I think in Tamil it also means brother-in-law. However, these folks operate outlets that sell coffee, tea, roti canai, nasi lemak, maggi mee goreng, sup kambing and most importantly they are open 24 hours. The burger stand sells really creative combinations of burger and hot dog that will knock out McD's anytime at half the price and hygiene.
9. Real hospitality
Malaysians are generally very hospitable and polite folks. If you ask for help, 9 out of 10 folks will help you and hear you out. I was once on a bus and was short of 20 cents for my fare. The bus conductor who was a REAL ass (yes we have them too) wanted me to get down and walk the rest of the 5km. This girl sitting in front of me, turned back and gave the 20 cents. She didn't have to, no guilt, no eye contact but she did it, smiled at me and continued reading her book. People are generally nice and you can feel safe anywhere in the city without fear of getting lost or starved.
10. Our Government
Like most govt, ours is a good source of entertainment. They say the stupidest things and they do they most blatant of stupid, stuff of imbeciles. Like letting key opposition witness fall off their office building after being interrogated and then showing apathy and seen covering up evidence. Framing opposition leaders for sodomy, of all things. Allowing corrupt leaders back into the govt like convicted former chief ministers of Selangor and Negeri Sembilan. Blowing up alleged key politician's mistresses when a simple bullet to the head would suffice. Electing community leader who are caught on tape committing adultery in a hotel room...like some wrinkled up porno star. Say they want to improve our public school system but send these same politicians then go ahead and send their own kids to private schools. Etc, etc. What a bundle of laughs!!!
All the same, which country doesn't have their own idiosyncrasies. It is a great place to visit and there is always something to do. So come on down and enjoy our food, our culture, our tourist spots, our broken down cars and our funny government. Happy 53 years old Malaysia!!
1. FOOD
This is not disputed. Food may not always be great but the variety would knock your socks off. We have all kinds of food, from ethnic tribes to fusion. You can find food anywhere and best of all, anytime. In the urban areas, you can wake up at 3am and still find food. It is very difficult to describe the true essence of our food. You just gotta see it for yourselves. In fact our food is SOOO good, the Singaporeans want to claim it for their own. So, so sad for them and great for us!!!
2. Personal choice
We can decide what we want to do. Don't want to follow the law, then don't. Park wherever you want, bribe whoever you want, stop a taxi wherever you want. Enforcement is low and "negotiable".
3. Self pride
Up until about 20 years ago, we were very dependent on foreigner talent and opinion. We always thought we were inferior to them but our PM gave us pride and we now speak louder, straighter and depend more on our own in the skilled work areas.
4. Melting pot
Just like in the 20s and 30s, we had an influx of labourers from China and India to work in the tin mines and rubber estates. They now form 2 of the 3 major races in Malaysia and are mainstays of our economy. Now we see the same with Indonesians, Nepalis, Bangladeshis who take on manual labour work and crime. Jalan Silang in Kota Raya is like Little Nepal.
5. Enforcement
For lighter crimes, we can "negotiate" with our officers. Bribe is such an ugly word. In some countries, when you offer "negotiable bonds", they prosecute you further. Here, officers will ask to "negotiate" and even if they threaten to take you in for "negotiating" you can "negotiate" that too.
6. Tourism
We have some of the most beautiful places to visit that will blow your mind off. Our culture is colourful and vibrant and visitors will have a great time deciding if you want to go back to nature or stay in the city. Even then, you can decide if you like the highlands or the sea. If you can't decide, do both! Best is, you can do this cheaply.
7. National Car
Most car companies survive by coming up with better cars, more efficiently. Better designs, better promotions and customer focus. Proton on the other hand depends on Government bailouts, design that hasn't changed since 1994, really crappy cars (check out the Proton Juara, go ahead, google it), levying heavy taxes on foreign cars so that they cost twice as much and really efficient production as much as the car breaks down the moment it leave the plant.
8. Mamak and Ramly burger stands
These are very visible icons of the Malaysian culture and life. Mamak actually refers to people of Indian descent and are Muslims. I think in Tamil it also means brother-in-law. However, these folks operate outlets that sell coffee, tea, roti canai, nasi lemak, maggi mee goreng, sup kambing and most importantly they are open 24 hours. The burger stand sells really creative combinations of burger and hot dog that will knock out McD's anytime at half the price and hygiene.
9. Real hospitality
Malaysians are generally very hospitable and polite folks. If you ask for help, 9 out of 10 folks will help you and hear you out. I was once on a bus and was short of 20 cents for my fare. The bus conductor who was a REAL ass (yes we have them too) wanted me to get down and walk the rest of the 5km. This girl sitting in front of me, turned back and gave the 20 cents. She didn't have to, no guilt, no eye contact but she did it, smiled at me and continued reading her book. People are generally nice and you can feel safe anywhere in the city without fear of getting lost or starved.
10. Our Government
Like most govt, ours is a good source of entertainment. They say the stupidest things and they do they most blatant of stupid, stuff of imbeciles. Like letting key opposition witness fall off their office building after being interrogated and then showing apathy and seen covering up evidence. Framing opposition leaders for sodomy, of all things. Allowing corrupt leaders back into the govt like convicted former chief ministers of Selangor and Negeri Sembilan. Blowing up alleged key politician's mistresses when a simple bullet to the head would suffice. Electing community leader who are caught on tape committing adultery in a hotel room...like some wrinkled up porno star. Say they want to improve our public school system but send these same politicians then go ahead and send their own kids to private schools. Etc, etc. What a bundle of laughs!!!
All the same, which country doesn't have their own idiosyncrasies. It is a great place to visit and there is always something to do. So come on down and enjoy our food, our culture, our tourist spots, our broken down cars and our funny government. Happy 53 years old Malaysia!!
Hungry Ghosts - huh???
This month is the Chinese 7th month where the Chinese believe that the gates of hell are thrown open and the spirits are allowed to roam the earth. Many Chinese Taoist will perform rituals to absolve the spirits of their sufferings. I am not sure how they do it and what is it about. Now, I for one, is not someone who disses anyone's religions or beliefs or creed. What you believe and you do is up to, as long you don't hurt anyone or doing anything illegal. I mean if you wanna put on a goat head and dance around butt-naked while chanting "Ice Ice Baby" is really up to you. If you wanna put on a white bed sheet and a pointy hat and burn crosses, hey, whatever makes you happy but you gotta stop when it involves something immoral, illegal or just down right nasty!!
But this hungry ghost, just got me thinking. First up, why the heck would the guardian of hell, which in this case is the baddest dude ever, Satan, allow the spirits to leave hell?? I mean is it a punishment, or he just wanted a day off to kick his shoes off and watch a game on TV? He (we are assuming Satan is a "HE", though after looking at the female gender of the human race, I am inclining towards "SHE") would have one hell of time trying to get them back in, wouldn't it? All those overtimes he has to pay for his demons to round them spirits back in.
Then the Chinese folks will go ahead and put out food for these ghosts who have not been able to have a full stomach when they died. I think not having a full stomach when they died, is the least of their problems now. I mean you are in hell and EVERY religion agrees that ain't no theme park. We all agree, that there is MAJOR suffering and pain and gnashing of teeth here.
Ok, so we put food out so that they can "eat". That's another thing that gets me. How the heck are they going to eat??? They are invisible, no organs anymore, just vapours....kind of. How are they going to take up solid food, chew, digest and err....discharge? Point is they can't. So when we put the food out, isn't it like taunting them? Neh-neh-neh-neh-neh....you cannot eat it, coz you are dead!
Isn't that just cruel? Hey, maybe it's part of the punishment for being in hell!! People I have spoken to, said that after the prayers and the burning of the joss stick, the ghost "feed" by taking the smell of the food. That is even more sad then being dead. So after the smell is taken, is the food edible?
Anyway, I thought I share my massive dilemma with you as a Chindian and a Catholic. I am very into religion and I respect everyone's beliefs. I mean, people are going to ask why the heck am I kneeling in front of this gruesome torture and killing object with a bloody man hanging on it? Are we some sadist??
But I just couldn't get my head around this hungry ghost thing. I was also told that you can send the spirits, worldly things by burning papier mache type representation of the objects you wanna send. So for the modern world, you can burn cars, iPods (though I am not sure if it would help since there isn't iTunes in hell and legal music), maids, houses, DVD, TV, etc. Again, how does it get to them? Is the postal service that efficient? Things are getting more outrageous as I was told by my friend that a medium (that's right, someone who makes contact with the dead) told him his grandfather is not happy as there is no petrol in hell and his car can't move!!!!
So he "burnt" a can of petrol for "him". Isn't petrol combustible??? So do we now have to send a petrol kiosk down? I am lost!! Anyway, this is one of the colourful aspects of the multi culture of Malaysia. Just leave the food outside your gate so that "they" don't come into your house!!!
But this hungry ghost, just got me thinking. First up, why the heck would the guardian of hell, which in this case is the baddest dude ever, Satan, allow the spirits to leave hell?? I mean is it a punishment, or he just wanted a day off to kick his shoes off and watch a game on TV? He (we are assuming Satan is a "HE", though after looking at the female gender of the human race, I am inclining towards "SHE") would have one hell of time trying to get them back in, wouldn't it? All those overtimes he has to pay for his demons to round them spirits back in.
Then the Chinese folks will go ahead and put out food for these ghosts who have not been able to have a full stomach when they died. I think not having a full stomach when they died, is the least of their problems now. I mean you are in hell and EVERY religion agrees that ain't no theme park. We all agree, that there is MAJOR suffering and pain and gnashing of teeth here.
Ok, so we put food out so that they can "eat". That's another thing that gets me. How the heck are they going to eat??? They are invisible, no organs anymore, just vapours....kind of. How are they going to take up solid food, chew, digest and err....discharge? Point is they can't. So when we put the food out, isn't it like taunting them? Neh-neh-neh-neh-neh....you cannot eat it, coz you are dead!
Isn't that just cruel? Hey, maybe it's part of the punishment for being in hell!! People I have spoken to, said that after the prayers and the burning of the joss stick, the ghost "feed" by taking the smell of the food. That is even more sad then being dead. So after the smell is taken, is the food edible?
Anyway, I thought I share my massive dilemma with you as a Chindian and a Catholic. I am very into religion and I respect everyone's beliefs. I mean, people are going to ask why the heck am I kneeling in front of this gruesome torture and killing object with a bloody man hanging on it? Are we some sadist??
But I just couldn't get my head around this hungry ghost thing. I was also told that you can send the spirits, worldly things by burning papier mache type representation of the objects you wanna send. So for the modern world, you can burn cars, iPods (though I am not sure if it would help since there isn't iTunes in hell and legal music), maids, houses, DVD, TV, etc. Again, how does it get to them? Is the postal service that efficient? Things are getting more outrageous as I was told by my friend that a medium (that's right, someone who makes contact with the dead) told him his grandfather is not happy as there is no petrol in hell and his car can't move!!!!
So he "burnt" a can of petrol for "him". Isn't petrol combustible??? So do we now have to send a petrol kiosk down? I am lost!! Anyway, this is one of the colourful aspects of the multi culture of Malaysia. Just leave the food outside your gate so that "they" don't come into your house!!!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Different Words for same meaning - Others!
UK US
aerial antenna
aluminium aluminum
antenatal prenatal
anticlockwise counterclockwise
autumn fall
("autumn" is used,but only in formal
or poetic language)
baggage reclaim baggage claim
(airport)
bicentenary bicentennial
bill check (restaurant)
bin liner trash bag
bookings reservations
(verb - to book) (verb - to reserve as in restaurant, hotel)
botanic garden botanical garden
braces suspenders
cashback (noun) rebate, cash back
charity non-profit organization
not-for-profit
cheap inexpensive
(not necessarily in a negative light)
chemists pharmacy, drug store
cinema movie theater, theater
"clued up" "clued in"
coach bus
coach (railway) car (railroad)
"come to that" "for that matter"
cot crib (for a baby)
cuttings clippings (as in news clippings)
despatch shipping (as in shipping department)
DIY do it yourself
dodgy tricky, chancy
downmarket downscale
dummy pacifier
dustbin trash can
engaged busy
(as in telephone)
fee (for schooling) tuition
fit (verb) equip, fit out
fittings fixtures
fix (verb - as in set
"fix a date")
flat apartment
football soccer
freephone toll-free
freepost business reply mail
(no stamp needed)
frock dress (noun)
full stop (punctuation) period
gents men's room
headmaster principal
hide (noun) blind
(noun - as in duck blind)
hire (hire a car) rent (rent a car)
hob stove, stovetop
holiday vacation
homely homey (pleasant)
(In the U.S., "homely" describes a person as
plain or unattractive or a good friend in black
culture)
hoover (noun and verb) vacuum (noun and verb)
vacuum cleaner (noun)
ill sick
"in future" "from now on"
in hospital in the hospital
"join the train" "get on the train"
jumper sweater
licence license (noun)
license license (verb)
lie in sleep in
lift elevator
laundrette laundromat
lorry truck
marquee tent
maths math
mobile (phone) cell (phone)
momentarily for a short time
(but not "in a second")
mum mom
nappies diapers
nil nothing, zero
note bill (currency)
on stream on line
open day open house
pitch (for playing field
sports)
polo neck, roll neck turtle neck
post mail
pram stroller
queue line
(noun as in "bus queue"
verb as in "queue up")
railway railroad
read
(verb - "read a study
subject in college")
redundancy (verb - to layoff (verb - to lay off)
remove as in removal moving
van)
return round trip
(as in round trip ticket)
reverse charge call collect call
rise (noun - in salary) raise
rubber eraser
(in U.S., rubber is
slang for condom)
rucksack backpack
sack (verb - from fire
employment)
secateurs pruners or clippers
shoddy cheap
shopping trolley shopping cart
sport sports
solicitor lawyer
attorney
"sorry" "excuse me", "pardon me"
spanner wrench (noun)
stand (for election) run (for election)
starters appetizers
suspenders garter
swear word curse word
subway underpass
tap faucet
tariffs rates, prices
tarmac asphalt
(tarmac is used in U.S.
only in airport context)
tea towel dish towel
dish cloth
telephone box telephone booth
tender (noun or verb) bid
(as in bid for a building
contract)
to let for rent
to trade (as in "a by trade
toilet restroom
torch flashlight
trainers sneakers
treble triple
transport (noun) transportation
trousers pants
trolley cart
tube subway
tucked up (as in "The tucked in
baby was tucked up
for the night.")
underground subway
upmarket upscale
valve vacuum tube
vest undershirt
walking frame walker (device to assist
the elderly)
washing up doing the dishes
waistcoat vest
aerial antenna
aluminium aluminum
antenatal prenatal
anticlockwise counterclockwise
autumn fall
("autumn" is used,but only in formal
or poetic language)
baggage reclaim baggage claim
(airport)
bicentenary bicentennial
bill check (restaurant)
bin liner trash bag
bookings reservations
(verb - to book) (verb - to reserve as in restaurant, hotel)
botanic garden botanical garden
braces suspenders
cashback (noun) rebate, cash back
charity non-profit organization
not-for-profit
cheap inexpensive
(not necessarily in a negative light)
chemists pharmacy, drug store
cinema movie theater, theater
"clued up" "clued in"
coach bus
coach (railway) car (railroad)
"come to that" "for that matter"
cot crib (for a baby)
cuttings clippings (as in news clippings)
despatch shipping (as in shipping department)
DIY do it yourself
dodgy tricky, chancy
downmarket downscale
dummy pacifier
dustbin trash can
engaged busy
(as in telephone)
fee (for schooling) tuition
fit (verb) equip, fit out
fittings fixtures
fix (verb - as in set
"fix a date")
flat apartment
football soccer
freephone toll-free
freepost business reply mail
(no stamp needed)
frock dress (noun)
full stop (punctuation) period
gents men's room
headmaster principal
hide (noun) blind
(noun - as in duck blind)
hire (hire a car) rent (rent a car)
hob stove, stovetop
holiday vacation
homely homey (pleasant)
(In the U.S., "homely" describes a person as
plain or unattractive or a good friend in black
culture)
hoover (noun and verb) vacuum (noun and verb)
vacuum cleaner (noun)
ill sick
"in future" "from now on"
in hospital in the hospital
"join the train" "get on the train"
jumper sweater
licence license (noun)
license license (verb)
lie in sleep in
lift elevator
laundrette laundromat
lorry truck
marquee tent
maths math
mobile (phone) cell (phone)
momentarily for a short time
(but not "in a second")
mum mom
nappies diapers
nil nothing, zero
note bill (currency)
on stream on line
open day open house
pitch (for playing field
sports)
polo neck, roll neck turtle neck
post mail
pram stroller
queue line
(noun as in "bus queue"
verb as in "queue up")
railway railroad
read
(verb - "read a study
subject in college")
redundancy (verb - to layoff (verb - to lay off)
remove as in removal moving
van)
return round trip
(as in round trip ticket)
reverse charge call collect call
rise (noun - in salary) raise
rubber eraser
(in U.S., rubber is
slang for condom)
rucksack backpack
sack (verb - from fire
employment)
secateurs pruners or clippers
shoddy cheap
shopping trolley shopping cart
sport sports
solicitor lawyer
attorney
"sorry" "excuse me", "pardon me"
spanner wrench (noun)
stand (for election) run (for election)
starters appetizers
suspenders garter
swear word curse word
subway underpass
tap faucet
tariffs rates, prices
tarmac asphalt
(tarmac is used in U.S.
only in airport context)
tea towel dish towel
dish cloth
telephone box telephone booth
tender (noun or verb) bid
(as in bid for a building
contract)
to let for rent
to trade (as in "a by trade
toilet restroom
torch flashlight
trainers sneakers
treble triple
transport (noun) transportation
trousers pants
trolley cart
tube subway
tucked up (as in "The tucked in
baby was tucked up
for the night.")
underground subway
upmarket upscale
valve vacuum tube
vest undershirt
walking frame walker (device to assist
the elderly)
washing up doing the dishes
waistcoat vest
Different Words for same meaning - Food
UK US
aubergine eggplant
biscuit cookie
candy floss cotton candy
chips french fries
conserves preserves
cornflour cornstarch
courgettes zucchini
zucchini squash
crisps potato chips
fish fingers fish sticks
jacket potato baked potato
jam jelly
jelly jello
mince ground meat
hamburger
porridge oatmeal
pudding dessert
rocket arugula
sweet dessert
tinned canned
aubergine eggplant
biscuit cookie
candy floss cotton candy
chips french fries
conserves preserves
cornflour cornstarch
courgettes zucchini
zucchini squash
crisps potato chips
fish fingers fish sticks
jacket potato baked potato
jam jelly
jelly jello
mince ground meat
hamburger
porridge oatmeal
pudding dessert
rocket arugula
sweet dessert
tinned canned
American and British English - why is it different???
As a Chindian, I don't know why it's different. Just that it is bloody inconvenient as the British would say or damn pain as the Americans would. I was reminded of a joke where an American and an Englishman got into an argument over the word "Windshield" - American and "Windscreen" - British.
The American got all pompous and said "It is called Windshield because we invented the car!"
The Englishman just looked calmly at him and said "Well, old bugger, we invented the language".
I started to realise that there are TONS of words that are used and spelled differently. So to see what other car words are different, I looked up the Internet and found this. Enjoy!
Part 1
UK-US - Cars and Driving:
UK US
aerial antenna
("aerial" used regionally in the past but has
faded from use)
bonnet hood
boot trunk
car park parking lot
car silencer muffler
cats eyes reflectors (embedded in road)
central reservation median
clock odometer
demister defroster
defogger
diversion detour
drink-driving drunk driving
driving licence driver's license
dual carriageway divided highway
dumper truck dump truck
flat battery dead battery
flyover overpass
fourway crossroads
full lights high beams
gear box transmission
gear lever gear shift
hire car rental car
indicators turn signals
lights dipped low beams
motorway freeway (Western U.S.)
expressway (Eastern U.S.)
Interstate See Notes
orbital beltway (Eastern U.S.)
petrol gasoline
gas
propeller shaft drive shaft
recovery towing
roundabout circle
rotary (New England)
straight straightaway (as at a race track)
top up fill up
top off See Notes
transmission power train
turning left left turn
turning right right turn
tyre tire
unmade road dirt road, unpaved road
windscreen windshield
window heater defroster
defogger
wing fender
zebra crossing crosswalk
The American got all pompous and said "It is called Windshield because we invented the car!"
The Englishman just looked calmly at him and said "Well, old bugger, we invented the language".
I started to realise that there are TONS of words that are used and spelled differently. So to see what other car words are different, I looked up the Internet and found this. Enjoy!
Part 1
UK-US - Cars and Driving:
UK US
aerial antenna
("aerial" used regionally in the past but has
faded from use)
bonnet hood
boot trunk
car park parking lot
car silencer muffler
cats eyes reflectors (embedded in road)
central reservation median
clock odometer
demister defroster
defogger
diversion detour
drink-driving drunk driving
driving licence driver's license
dual carriageway divided highway
dumper truck dump truck
flat battery dead battery
flyover overpass
fourway crossroads
full lights high beams
gear box transmission
gear lever gear shift
hire car rental car
indicators turn signals
lights dipped low beams
motorway freeway (Western U.S.)
expressway (Eastern U.S.)
Interstate See Notes
orbital beltway (Eastern U.S.)
petrol gasoline
gas
propeller shaft drive shaft
recovery towing
roundabout circle
rotary (New England)
straight straightaway (as at a race track)
top up fill up
top off See Notes
transmission power train
turning left left turn
turning right right turn
tyre tire
unmade road dirt road, unpaved road
windscreen windshield
window heater defroster
defogger
wing fender
zebra crossing crosswalk
Man's curse!!
Man has 2 curses and us Chindians are very the norm when it comes to this. And I don't mean the swear words. That we have few hundreds from multiple languages...sometimes even from not heard of. Man's curse is women (don't tell me this surprised you!!!) and sports. I wrote about this a little bit sometime back so here is a refresher.
The reason why this came to my mind was because of the recently concluded world's more popular and watched event. I don't mean American Idol!! I mean the most spectacular sporting event in the world (No, not "Dancing with the Stars" either). I am talking about the FIFA World Cup. That is the Football World Cup. Now this is really "Football" and really the "World Cup", unlike what the Americans think.
Soccer was actually the abbreviation of the Football Association (assoc). So the Americans wanting to be different from the English used this word to greater effect and decided that they cannot change to follow the world. Look at the 2 games, football as the rest of the planet knows it and the American Football where as the name suggest only the Americans know it. Which games reflects more accurately on the word "football"???
Another things is, look at the American games, Basketball, American Football, Baseball, Ice Hockey. Their annual final games are always called World Series and the champions are World Champions! How many countries participate in the NBA or NFL or MLB finals? All of 1!! And they are "World" champions! Talk about being insecure and over compensating!!
Anyway, I digress.
The FIFA World Cup happens once in 4 years and reported to be even more lucrative and watched sporting event that the Olympics! I love the World Cup! I started watching when I was 12 in 1982 when it was held in Spain and a very lucky Italy won it enroute beating my favourite team Brazil. This year, Brazil lost again, this time to the Dutch and it was won by traditional under-achievers Spain.
As usual I was rooting for Brazil, 5-time winners. My next favourite team was Germany. Both came so close. I watched most of the matches and very luckily with my good friends. My childhood friends got together after 4 years to root for our teams. When our teams lost, we feel this heavy sinking feeling that drags us to the bottom of depressing abyss that no female would understand. When they won, feelings of utter joy erupts like volcano of ecstasy, with the lava of happiness flowing into the sea of tranquility. (I am a professional blogger. Don't try this at home).
Women will never understand and when we go out watching the game which comes once in 4-years, we see them rolling their eyes into the next state (something the do very well and if the Olympics had an eye-rolling event, guys will be decimated....except maybe some gay men) and giving you the guilt trip.
When we come back sad, they will chastise us, saying insensitive things like, "So what?", "Who cares?", "Your son is down with the measles", or "We have run out of food!". Trivial things like that.
When we are home happy our team has won, more snipes like "You know they don't know you!", "I don't see you that happy when I am telling about our son's measles breaking".
So for this World Cup, I got our HD Cable version and got my friends to come over to watch at my house. That actually worked as Melissa bought snacks for us, junk food, carbonated drinks, ice while some of us got beer. So, it was all-in-all a very enjoyable 1 month footballing feast. I was happy France, Portugal and Italy got knocked out early. A bit disappointed Korea didn't progress further. Sad that Brazil and Germany lost and really bored with the final game where current European Champions Spain beat Holland 1-0 to be World Champions 2010.
I didn't bet this time simply because I was growing up and I was broke....so decided to leave it to the octopus. This time around, we had a crustacean celebrity in the form on an oracle octopus. Paul the octopus was able to correctly predict the winners of 10 consecutive games (or something like that). I wonder if he could predict what my wife would have said if I proposed that we go watch the next World Cup match in Brazil. If we can't get tickets, we can just say at the beaches of Rio. I don't care how far those eyes roll!!!
The reason why this came to my mind was because of the recently concluded world's more popular and watched event. I don't mean American Idol!! I mean the most spectacular sporting event in the world (No, not "Dancing with the Stars" either). I am talking about the FIFA World Cup. That is the Football World Cup. Now this is really "Football" and really the "World Cup", unlike what the Americans think.
Soccer was actually the abbreviation of the Football Association (assoc). So the Americans wanting to be different from the English used this word to greater effect and decided that they cannot change to follow the world. Look at the 2 games, football as the rest of the planet knows it and the American Football where as the name suggest only the Americans know it. Which games reflects more accurately on the word "football"???
Another things is, look at the American games, Basketball, American Football, Baseball, Ice Hockey. Their annual final games are always called World Series and the champions are World Champions! How many countries participate in the NBA or NFL or MLB finals? All of 1!! And they are "World" champions! Talk about being insecure and over compensating!!
Anyway, I digress.
The FIFA World Cup happens once in 4 years and reported to be even more lucrative and watched sporting event that the Olympics! I love the World Cup! I started watching when I was 12 in 1982 when it was held in Spain and a very lucky Italy won it enroute beating my favourite team Brazil. This year, Brazil lost again, this time to the Dutch and it was won by traditional under-achievers Spain.
As usual I was rooting for Brazil, 5-time winners. My next favourite team was Germany. Both came so close. I watched most of the matches and very luckily with my good friends. My childhood friends got together after 4 years to root for our teams. When our teams lost, we feel this heavy sinking feeling that drags us to the bottom of depressing abyss that no female would understand. When they won, feelings of utter joy erupts like volcano of ecstasy, with the lava of happiness flowing into the sea of tranquility. (I am a professional blogger. Don't try this at home).
Women will never understand and when we go out watching the game which comes once in 4-years, we see them rolling their eyes into the next state (something the do very well and if the Olympics had an eye-rolling event, guys will be decimated....except maybe some gay men) and giving you the guilt trip.
When we come back sad, they will chastise us, saying insensitive things like, "So what?", "Who cares?", "Your son is down with the measles", or "We have run out of food!". Trivial things like that.
When we are home happy our team has won, more snipes like "You know they don't know you!", "I don't see you that happy when I am telling about our son's measles breaking".
So for this World Cup, I got our HD Cable version and got my friends to come over to watch at my house. That actually worked as Melissa bought snacks for us, junk food, carbonated drinks, ice while some of us got beer. So, it was all-in-all a very enjoyable 1 month footballing feast. I was happy France, Portugal and Italy got knocked out early. A bit disappointed Korea didn't progress further. Sad that Brazil and Germany lost and really bored with the final game where current European Champions Spain beat Holland 1-0 to be World Champions 2010.
I didn't bet this time simply because I was growing up and I was broke....so decided to leave it to the octopus. This time around, we had a crustacean celebrity in the form on an oracle octopus. Paul the octopus was able to correctly predict the winners of 10 consecutive games (or something like that). I wonder if he could predict what my wife would have said if I proposed that we go watch the next World Cup match in Brazil. If we can't get tickets, we can just say at the beaches of Rio. I don't care how far those eyes roll!!!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Sorcerer's Apprentice - No learning needed in making this movie
It was time for another movie review. We were trying to view "Inception" but kids were not allowed and it has been awhile since we went out without the kids especially the movies. So we are kinda keeping that on hold. Though I have been watching a lot of older movies that has been downloaded on my media center.
As with most Disney movies which is either inspired by their rides or their old cartoons. This movie in my humble opinion was inspired by the "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" cartoon staring Mickey Mouse. It's the cartoon where Mickey steals into the sorcerer's spell book and conjures a spell that brings all the brooms, mops and pails to life and they start cleaning the castle or dungeon or spell room??
So this movie which has absolutely nothing to do with the cartoon save for this scene, has a slightly more sinister storyline. The evil-witch-trapped-in-a-box-and-needs-to-get-out-to-create-havoc-on-the-world-and-destroying-life-as-we-know-it plot. OF course there is a good love story in it as well to spice things up. We are romantics, what can we say.
It is about Merlin (yes that mythical sorcerer from King Arthur's time) who entrusts his secrets to 3 apprentices. Balthazar, Horvath and Veronica. The secret needs to be kept away from Merlin's worst enemy, Morgana Le Fey, (another character from the King Arthur folklore). Horvath betrayed them but he, Veronica and Morgana were trapped. The only person who can destroy Morgana is the Prime Merlinian. So it is up to Balthazar to search for him/her. So our story goes....
Anyway, the lead character is the nasal voiced Jay Baruchel, which of course is the reluctant Prime Merlinian. You may remember him from "Tropic Thunder" if you weren't too busy looking at Robert Downey Jr. However, for me he was a huge hit in "How to Train Your Dragon" as the voice of the lead character, Hiccup. He doesn't disappoint here either. He is the least action hero you would expect and really looks more like a nerd that gets beaten up constantly and getting his head stuffed in the toilet by bullies.
Here he plays the reluctant hero that is nerdy, traumatized and unappreciated and he so looks the part. Jay is funny and delivers his lines on cue to make the situation even more comical.
The next interesting actor is Alfred Molina, the Dr. Octopus guy. He plays the villain Horvath. All round bad guy who wants to profit from the world destruction thing. Alfred played his part to the tee. He is bad when he wants to be. though I have seen him mostly as the bad guy. He has his moments like in Prince of Persia and Pink Panther 2.
Nicholas Cage was a tad disappointing and didn't really carry his character of Balthazar too well. Personally I would have preferred Ryan Reynolds but then the threesome with Alfred and Monica Belluci would be lopsided. Monica showed up for all 15mins of the movie. She probably had 2 lines and had to cry and kiss Nicholas Cage. Other than that, her character provided a little love interest but I think this was like a part-time job for someone like Monica (she and I are on a first name basis).
There was a love interest for Jay's character Dave and she wasn't too bad. I did like the part where the mops, brooms and pails came to life. That was pretty cool and Jay's character shows that the brainy guys can get the girl (as if you didn't know that was how it was going to end!!!).
A pretty decent fare all round. Not too shabby but not the kick-you-in-the-crotch-must-see fare. I give it a 2 1/2 Chindian thumb up. So go learn, be brainy. Girls dig that too.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
How to make Chindian Sushi?
IT's easy really. Buy seaweed, Japanese rice or sushi rice, crabstick, soft shell crab, egg, cucumber and some seasoning. Then put it together on the sushi roll and roll away. As a Chindian, you can add roast pork, mutton masala, bak kut teh, whatever the hell you want!!
Most importantly, get your daughter and niece who is sushi-crazy to do it. You get to enjoy it later. Easy-peezy!!
Most importantly, get your daughter and niece who is sushi-crazy to do it. You get to enjoy it later. Easy-peezy!!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Love Guru Quotes
Jacques Grande: And now, I'd like to show my love by making for you a Quebec pizza.
Prudence Roanoke: What's that?
Jacques Grande: Pop-Tart with the ketchup. She's good.
Guru Pitka: Please welcome, Celine Dion!
Jacques Grande: Ah! Dis is my day of lucky!
Share this quote
Rajneesh: [answering cell phone] Dell Computers, this is Chip.
Guru Pitka: If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?
Jacques Grande: Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt!
Guru Pitka: Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle. Tickle, tickle.
Jacques Grande: Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.
Guru Pitka: Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm.
Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay.
Guru Pitka: Jane, the city of Toronto doesn't hate you.
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Trust me, at the arena I had maintenance paint lines telling me where the crowd can't see me! You know so they don't boo me and throw stuff at my head!
Jane Bullard: I haven't laughed like this in such a long time.
Guru Pitka: Why not?
Jane Bullard: It's hard to laugh when men just see you as some curse.
Angry Fan: Boo! You suck Bullard!
Jane Bullard: No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!
[crowd cheers]
Jane Bullard: Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...
Coach Punch Cherkov: Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Jane Bullard: You're a bad bad person.
Coach Punch Cherkov: I'll take that as a yes!
Jane Bullard: Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!
Coach Punch Cherkov: What's the capital of Thailand?
Guru Pitka: Bangkok.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Exactly.
[punches Pitka in his groin]
Guru Pitka: Omar Sharif, my balls!
Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.
Coach Punch Cherkov: If I sit like this any longer, I'm gonna pop my dink bag.
Prudence Roanoke: [about Darren] Do you think he's really changed? I mean, he can't even play in front of his own mother. She's like kryptonite to him.
Darren Roanoke: [about his suit] What's wrong with shark skin?
Guru Pitka: More like gay-skin, how about. What? Yeah.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
Guru Pitka: [picks up Coach Cherkov] I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Put me down, a-hole!
Darren Roanoke: How can you be the Love Guru if you've never been in a relationship?
Guru Pitka: Well, there is someone I like. But until I learn to love myself, I can only go out with three girls named Ann.
Darren Roanoke: Three girls named Ann?
Guru Pitka: Yeah. Ann Visible, Ann Flatable, and Ann Job.
Guru Pitka: It's a problem. Even Jay-Zed had 99 of them, and the bitch was not one of them!
Guru Pitka: Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a penis... only smaller".
Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, let's make like a baby and head out!
Guru Pitka: I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See
Guru Pitka: Tickle, tickle... Break the pickle.
Guru Pitka: Tonawanda street? I know this street.
Darren Roanoke: You do?
Guru Pitka: Yes. At what number did you live?
Darren Roanoke: Fifty-three.
Guru Pitka: Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?
Darren Roanoke: No?
Guru Pitka: Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you! Yeah! You are laughing! You see, you are filled with joy of a child!
Prudence Roanoke: What's that?
Jacques Grande: Pop-Tart with the ketchup. She's good.
Guru Pitka: Please welcome, Celine Dion!
Jacques Grande: Ah! Dis is my day of lucky!
Share this quote
Rajneesh: [answering cell phone] Dell Computers, this is Chip.
Guru Pitka: If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?
Jacques Grande: Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt!
Guru Pitka: Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle. Tickle, tickle.
Jacques Grande: Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.
Guru Pitka: Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm.
Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay.
Guru Pitka: Jane, the city of Toronto doesn't hate you.
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Trust me, at the arena I had maintenance paint lines telling me where the crowd can't see me! You know so they don't boo me and throw stuff at my head!
Jane Bullard: I haven't laughed like this in such a long time.
Guru Pitka: Why not?
Jane Bullard: It's hard to laugh when men just see you as some curse.
Angry Fan: Boo! You suck Bullard!
Jane Bullard: No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!
[crowd cheers]
Jane Bullard: Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...
Coach Punch Cherkov: Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Jane Bullard: You're a bad bad person.
Coach Punch Cherkov: I'll take that as a yes!
Jane Bullard: Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!
Coach Punch Cherkov: What's the capital of Thailand?
Guru Pitka: Bangkok.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Exactly.
[punches Pitka in his groin]
Guru Pitka: Omar Sharif, my balls!
Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.
Coach Punch Cherkov: If I sit like this any longer, I'm gonna pop my dink bag.
Prudence Roanoke: [about Darren] Do you think he's really changed? I mean, he can't even play in front of his own mother. She's like kryptonite to him.
Darren Roanoke: [about his suit] What's wrong with shark skin?
Guru Pitka: More like gay-skin, how about. What? Yeah.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
Guru Pitka: [picks up Coach Cherkov] I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Put me down, a-hole!
Darren Roanoke: How can you be the Love Guru if you've never been in a relationship?
Guru Pitka: Well, there is someone I like. But until I learn to love myself, I can only go out with three girls named Ann.
Darren Roanoke: Three girls named Ann?
Guru Pitka: Yeah. Ann Visible, Ann Flatable, and Ann Job.
Guru Pitka: It's a problem. Even Jay-Zed had 99 of them, and the bitch was not one of them!
Guru Pitka: Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a penis... only smaller".
Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, let's make like a baby and head out!
Guru Pitka: I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See
Guru Pitka: Tickle, tickle... Break the pickle.
Guru Pitka: Tonawanda street? I know this street.
Darren Roanoke: You do?
Guru Pitka: Yes. At what number did you live?
Darren Roanoke: Fifty-three.
Guru Pitka: Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?
Darren Roanoke: No?
Guru Pitka: Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you! Yeah! You are laughing! You see, you are filled with joy of a child!
Friday, July 16, 2010
The state of Malaysian English
Someone send me this and it is so true....proud, be embarrassed, skin crawling, whatever feelings you may have, it's just us. Have a good laugh.
Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.........
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Foreigners: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Foreigners: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Foreigners: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Foreigners: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Foreigners: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Foreigners: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Foreigners: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Foreigners: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Foreigners: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Foreigners: We seem to be in a b it of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Foreigners: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen Why like that....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Foreigners: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Foreigners: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u...
See, isn't it simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc......... ?
Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.........
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Foreigners: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Foreigners: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Foreigners: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Foreigners: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Foreigners: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Foreigners: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Foreigners: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Foreigners: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Foreigners: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Foreigners: We seem to be in a b it of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Foreigners: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen Why like that....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Foreigners: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Foreigners: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u...
See, isn't it simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc......... ?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Chindians are by design very jovial and have a great sense of humour. We also have lots of time where we surf the net for jokes and funnies. We use this activity as an excuse to get out of manual labour (doing the chores). Anyway, I came across some interesting funnies. Enjoy.
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my... I could be eating a slow learner.
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
What's with this wierd hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had haemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Isn't it wierd that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my... I could be eating a slow learner.
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
What's with this wierd hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had haemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Isn't it wierd that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
Totally useless musings!
You know on and off, I have this bad habit....I get into thinking. Problem is I think of the world's most useless things. It takes up brain bits which I am convinced is reducing by the minute, takes up memory space and it makes me concerned and upset over things I have no control over. But like any good friend, I want to show you what a Chindian's brain is chugging about!
Why do we sometimes say that we are in a pickle or jam when we are in a sticky situation? Wouldn't being in peanut butter be a better comparison?
Why do people look up when they think?
Why do we call some people we don't know 'perfect' strangers? Doesn't everybody have their faults? If they are strangers, how do you know they are perfect?
Why does the runners-up in Ms Universe looks so perky when she came so close but lost out on millions from endorsements and prize money?
Why do you press the elevator button repeatedly? Does the elevator then know you are in a hurry?
Exactly when and why did 'no problem' replace 'you're welcome' as the proper response to 'thank you'?
When someone asks us to hold something for them such as a bottle of soda why do we subconciously try to distance ourselves from it by holding it away from ourselves?
Why do the longest answers always begin with 'I don't know'?
If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?
When people turn on a light bulb and it burns out why do they turn it on and off again?
When people spill anything on themselves why do they always treat it like acid?
Why do we ask to 'borrow' a kleenex? Has anyone ever returned a kleenex they borrowed?
Why do people ask us if we are awake? Isn't 'yes' the only answer possible?
If God is everywhere why do people look up when addressing him?
Do women shiver after they pee like men do?
How come when people are free to do what they want, they usually imitate one another?
Why do we say 'Oh I knew that' when someone informs us of something we didn't know before?
Why do people taste virtually everything at a party?
Why do some people have to 'shudder' to think? Does thinking make you cold?
Why do people point at their wrist when they want to know the time but not at their crotch when they want to know where the bathroom is?
Why do we sometimes say that we are in a pickle or jam when we are in a sticky situation? Wouldn't being in peanut butter be a better comparison?
Why do people look up when they think?
Why do we call some people we don't know 'perfect' strangers? Doesn't everybody have their faults? If they are strangers, how do you know they are perfect?
Why does the runners-up in Ms Universe looks so perky when she came so close but lost out on millions from endorsements and prize money?
Why do you press the elevator button repeatedly? Does the elevator then know you are in a hurry?
Exactly when and why did 'no problem' replace 'you're welcome' as the proper response to 'thank you'?
When someone asks us to hold something for them such as a bottle of soda why do we subconciously try to distance ourselves from it by holding it away from ourselves?
Why do the longest answers always begin with 'I don't know'?
If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?
When people turn on a light bulb and it burns out why do they turn it on and off again?
When people spill anything on themselves why do they always treat it like acid?
Why do we ask to 'borrow' a kleenex? Has anyone ever returned a kleenex they borrowed?
Why do people ask us if we are awake? Isn't 'yes' the only answer possible?
If God is everywhere why do people look up when addressing him?
Do women shiver after they pee like men do?
How come when people are free to do what they want, they usually imitate one another?
Why do we say 'Oh I knew that' when someone informs us of something we didn't know before?
Why do people taste virtually everything at a party?
Why do some people have to 'shudder' to think? Does thinking make you cold?
Why do people point at their wrist when they want to know the time but not at their crotch when they want to know where the bathroom is?
Monday, June 28, 2010
How do you let go?
2010 is a defining year for me in many ways. In work, personal achievements and at home. The moment that scares me the more than ants in my pants is that from home. 2010 marks the year my son officially becomes a teenager. He turns 13. Though he is a late bloomer physically since he is shorter than his friends, a lot skinnier and under weight, he makes up for it in his thinking, actions and mannerisms.
While old folks like my mom would prefer that kids are round, fat and red cheeked, my son has decided that he is not going to take after me. He is small for his age and is very disadvantaged in sports. He doesn't have natural sporting talents like his cousin or particularly hard working and clever in his studies. His is at best above average and tends to be more careless and bored. He is not musically inclined and there doesn't seem to be any raw talent there.
In other words, he is a very normal, blend-in-the-crowd, not outstanding kid. But Mikey strikes you in other areas. His eyes for one. He is more caring, more observant and more street wise than I give him credit for. Even when he was younger, he will look after classmates who were weaker, slower or smaller in size. He makes sure that they are able to lift their bags seeing that the Chinese school education system, not only prepares you for government exams but also prepares you for a life as a Sherpa in the Himalayas.
Recently when he was playing badminton with his cousins, his younger cousin broke his glasses and had to play without them. Aaron was miserable as he couldn't see properly and was complaining that he had problems playing. He kept losing to the older boys badly and was miserable. So when it was Mike's turn to play Aaron, in solidarity with his cousin, Mike took off his glasses. Seeing that his vision was worst off, Mikey was on the losing end most of the time but he didn't mind. For that fleeting moment, it made someone else happy.
But above all, I enjoy Mikey's sense of humour tremendously. He is very quick and sharp. In this area and I am proud to say, comes mainly from me. His one-liners are witty, quick, funny and most of the time unexpected. I am quite happy to see his guitar is improving and he has really taken to the habit of reading.
So why is this scary?
I am afraid of losing him. Not physically but mentally. I lost my father when I reached my teens. We were close until my teens and that is when we grew apart. My dad wanted to maintain that father authority which was how he was brought up. Something like out of the Indian movie. Since I was as stubborn as he was, we just grew apart. Eventually when I was older, our chemistry clicked again and not too long after, he passed away. I miss him so.....and I lost so much time. I don't want that to happen with my kids.
So as Mikey become the first to reach teens, my fear and anxiety is at boiling point. Anxious because he is going to be an adult. He will start getting curious about himself, his body, the other sex, hormonal changes, smugness, attitude, party going, piercing, body tattoo, alcohol, smoking, drugs, petty theft, grand theft auto, gangster, organized crime, lawyer, politician, AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
SLAAAAAAP!!! Thanks I needed that.
Will all that quality go away? Will he have friends that will support him and build their characters together? Will he stay firm and steadfast to good moral values? Will he be responsible in his actions? Will he stay religious and love God? What are his friends like? When the time comes, will I give him the right answers to "THE" questions? Will he meet the right girl that will complement him? Someone that makes his heart light and stomach knotted and knees weak? Someone who will love him and support him?
Will he be rich? Be a movie star or a famous sports personality or a famous singer? Will he give his father some of his millions and take care of him in his old age? Will he buy me a Porsche and a yacht in the south of France? If he doesn't, will I kick his ass???
My teens were very tough because we were poor and we had the challenge of a bigot and racist family. We overcame that but I grew up fast and left my childhood behind. All said, I was blessed with loving parents and a positive outlook in life, even though we were poor. It would have been a lot better if I found a way to communicate with my dad. When I got married, he told me that he never thought I could plan my wedding day well and pull it off. That's because he never saw me grow up to someone who can. I don't want that to happen between me and my kids. I pray to God every night, that He keeps my eyes, ears and heart open to my kids so that I am there for them and that I grow together with them.
Goodness knows I am still a kid trying to have a childhood I didn't really have. Good to know I have family who will help me raise my kids right. My bro Jude, cousins KLY, Mooi CC, Kwein CC and even Sow Yee (yes even her!). Of course their spouses like my sis-in-law and bros-in-law. All of Melissa's families, even the crazy ones because no matter how they feel about me, I know they love my kids. Of course there are many other family members that I can call upon and I thank God for all of them.
So, it's time to be a cool dad and a friend to my kids. It's bed time and I have to read to them. Geez, if I am this anxious about my son, not sure what's going to happen when my girl hit teens in 4 years.....OHMIGAWD!!!!!!!!
While old folks like my mom would prefer that kids are round, fat and red cheeked, my son has decided that he is not going to take after me. He is small for his age and is very disadvantaged in sports. He doesn't have natural sporting talents like his cousin or particularly hard working and clever in his studies. His is at best above average and tends to be more careless and bored. He is not musically inclined and there doesn't seem to be any raw talent there.
In other words, he is a very normal, blend-in-the-crowd, not outstanding kid. But Mikey strikes you in other areas. His eyes for one. He is more caring, more observant and more street wise than I give him credit for. Even when he was younger, he will look after classmates who were weaker, slower or smaller in size. He makes sure that they are able to lift their bags seeing that the Chinese school education system, not only prepares you for government exams but also prepares you for a life as a Sherpa in the Himalayas.
Recently when he was playing badminton with his cousins, his younger cousin broke his glasses and had to play without them. Aaron was miserable as he couldn't see properly and was complaining that he had problems playing. He kept losing to the older boys badly and was miserable. So when it was Mike's turn to play Aaron, in solidarity with his cousin, Mike took off his glasses. Seeing that his vision was worst off, Mikey was on the losing end most of the time but he didn't mind. For that fleeting moment, it made someone else happy.
But above all, I enjoy Mikey's sense of humour tremendously. He is very quick and sharp. In this area and I am proud to say, comes mainly from me. His one-liners are witty, quick, funny and most of the time unexpected. I am quite happy to see his guitar is improving and he has really taken to the habit of reading.
So why is this scary?
I am afraid of losing him. Not physically but mentally. I lost my father when I reached my teens. We were close until my teens and that is when we grew apart. My dad wanted to maintain that father authority which was how he was brought up. Something like out of the Indian movie. Since I was as stubborn as he was, we just grew apart. Eventually when I was older, our chemistry clicked again and not too long after, he passed away. I miss him so.....and I lost so much time. I don't want that to happen with my kids.
So as Mikey become the first to reach teens, my fear and anxiety is at boiling point. Anxious because he is going to be an adult. He will start getting curious about himself, his body, the other sex, hormonal changes, smugness, attitude, party going, piercing, body tattoo, alcohol, smoking, drugs, petty theft, grand theft auto, gangster, organized crime, lawyer, politician, AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
SLAAAAAAP!!! Thanks I needed that.
Will all that quality go away? Will he have friends that will support him and build their characters together? Will he stay firm and steadfast to good moral values? Will he be responsible in his actions? Will he stay religious and love God? What are his friends like? When the time comes, will I give him the right answers to "THE" questions? Will he meet the right girl that will complement him? Someone that makes his heart light and stomach knotted and knees weak? Someone who will love him and support him?
Will he be rich? Be a movie star or a famous sports personality or a famous singer? Will he give his father some of his millions and take care of him in his old age? Will he buy me a Porsche and a yacht in the south of France? If he doesn't, will I kick his ass???
My teens were very tough because we were poor and we had the challenge of a bigot and racist family. We overcame that but I grew up fast and left my childhood behind. All said, I was blessed with loving parents and a positive outlook in life, even though we were poor. It would have been a lot better if I found a way to communicate with my dad. When I got married, he told me that he never thought I could plan my wedding day well and pull it off. That's because he never saw me grow up to someone who can. I don't want that to happen between me and my kids. I pray to God every night, that He keeps my eyes, ears and heart open to my kids so that I am there for them and that I grow together with them.
Goodness knows I am still a kid trying to have a childhood I didn't really have. Good to know I have family who will help me raise my kids right. My bro Jude, cousins KLY, Mooi CC, Kwein CC and even Sow Yee (yes even her!). Of course their spouses like my sis-in-law and bros-in-law. All of Melissa's families, even the crazy ones because no matter how they feel about me, I know they love my kids. Of course there are many other family members that I can call upon and I thank God for all of them.
So, it's time to be a cool dad and a friend to my kids. It's bed time and I have to read to them. Geez, if I am this anxious about my son, not sure what's going to happen when my girl hit teens in 4 years.....OHMIGAWD!!!!!!!!
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