So you want to pro-create - Cravings and Hormones

In our continuing series, we look at the women's cravings. No one really understands this. Some blame it on hormones, some blame in on appetite. Me? I just think that women are put on this earth to get at us at every turn they can find. Seeing that they are going to look like a cargo truck for nine months and go through the most excruciating pain know to mankind, I let my darling wife ask for whatever she wants.

Also notice that I didn't go into the process of pro-creating. My thoughts are if you don't know how, there must be a reason and who am I to mess with God's will!

I digress!

Anyway, it was really cool that Melissa never had any morning sickness during both her pregnancies. It was really nice to not have your bride look at you at interval times and throw up! I don't think it does well to the self esteem! Worse still if she hurls on you! And guess what? It will be your fault. Guys get use to this. Rule No. 1. Everything bad that happens to your bride, is your fault. Don't ever, ever, never, ever fight it. That's like going against gravity. You will fall down....HARD!! Rule No. 2, refer to rule No. 1.

During her pregnancy with Mikey, she had this craving for soya bean drink and tau fu fa which is something made from bean curd (look it up man!). That was ok but it was normally when I get into bed ready to sleep the day's stress away that I hear, "Dear, I would like a beef steak."
"But it's midnight, where can I find steak?"
"I dunno, I am not the one carrying this heavy load on me for YOU! Maybe you like take it a while and I will figure the steak out!"
"Give me 30mins"

I never understand why they say that everything to do with pregnancy is for us husbands, like the baby has nothing to do with them. But remember rule No. 1? As for the cravings, my way out of this is to buy a burger from the burger stand. It's beef patty which basically means it a smaller steak. So I buy 3. Which is why I put on weight. If we had six kids, I would be the Goodyear Blimp.

When women put on weight, everybody admires them and comments about how much they glow. I never understood that. It's like pregnant women develop nuclear waste and suddenly they will glow in the dark like some mutated super hero. Notice thought that no one has nice things to say about the husbands.
"Oh did you see Mrs David, she is gorgeous with that glow about her but did you see her husband? What's up with that baby seal peeking out of the top his trousers?"

Are we not taking one for the team here? Don't we get some credit too?? I don't want to glow but something like,
"Did you see Alwyn there? His ponch has a nice arc thing going don't you think?"

So you get whatever your bride wants during her pregnancy and if you are late or if you forget to let us know where you are? Get ready for the attack of the crazed hormone lady! She will scream and blame the entire plague and war since biblical times on you. The only thing that's going to save your ass is DUM-DUM-DUM-DAA....Haargen Dazs!! Pls have some ready AT ALL TIMES!!!!

So new parents, that concludes our chapter on Hormones and Cravings. Fellas, remember Rules number 1 and 2 and our necessity to have at all times and you will make it out all right.


Point to Note, my wife accepted Sara Lee as a substitute for Haargen Dazs.

So you want to pro-create - Are you ready?

The reasons why you young couples wanted to have a baby is probably due to many reasons, namely:-

1) Parental pressure - some of their arguments are like better to have now so that when they are all grown up, you are still young. Another is children are a blessing but more often than not, your parents are selfish. They have brought you up through thick and thin so they are entitled. They just want you to have kids so that they can play with them, spoil them and then hand it back to you. They also your kids to inflict upon you what you did to them. HAHAHAHAHA! What a bunch of jolly old people, our parents.

2) Social pressure - after marriage, that's the next step. What else to do? You come home to each other every night, day in day out. After a while, what do you talk about? So let's have a kid! What a load of bullcrap!! But, hey, if you want to give in, that's your choice. I am not against it, just letting you know what you are getting into.

3) Biological time clock pressure - You are getting older. The older you wait, the more dangerous for the child, for you, for your wallet, etc. There is some truth here but medical science is growing better exponentially. If my mom can give birth to me at a 3rd rate hospital like our KL General Hospital at the age of 37 in 1970, I think you who is in the 21st century and probably will be at a private hospital (even our government hospitals are getting better) will have a much higher chance of success.

4) "Everything will be alright" pressure - Just have a child and all will come naturally. People who fall these are either insane themselves or the children will be beaten up in school or will be in jail later in life. If you are not ready, DON'T!! When I see kids squirming on the floor throwing tantrums because they want to put soya sauce into their parent's drink, I have to exercise extreme urges to go over and give the parents a birth control brochure and a euthanasia how-to kit. It is a HUGE responsibility and you gotta be absolutely sure and ready.

Notice I keep saying when you are ready. There is nothing more important than this. Sure love is crucial but love will not carry you through all the time. In fact, because you love, you will do whatever it takes but there will times when you feel like killing the little demon! The only thing stopping you is an episode of CSI!

When you are ready, you won't blame anyone when things don't quite go the way you want it to. You would read about it, asked for advice, googled it, observe others and you would take the trouble to find out to be prepared. You will be more patient and you don't need CSI to stop you from conveniently dropping a quarts of rat poison into the milk.

Be prepared to sacrifice almost everything you hold dear. Your life is going to turn around completely to a point where you may not recognize it. The trick is to compensate and compromise. Don't change everything for allow these additions to come into your life slowly and only readiness will help you.

So for this Chindian, it was pretty much wine that brought our kids to us but I was ready for them. Hopefully I give them the right ingredients to not end up in jail or worse, the civil service.

Walter with Jeff Dunham

This my 2nd favourite act from Jeff Dunham. Pls click on the link below.

Walter and Jeff Dunham - click here

Achmed - the Dead Terrorist

This guy cracks me up and this is my favourite act. Click on the link below.

Achmed The Dead Terrorist - Click here

Movie Review Time!

It was a busy weekend for the David Family as we went on a movie binge. We watched 3movies last week and they were as distinct and unique as they can be. It's great to see my kids having my genes where they really appreciate movies. They will watch it and then re-enact the scenes for us or they will remember something that they don't know and ask us about it. Unlike Melissa who will come out watching the best comedy or action show which she will fully enjoy and after 2 minutes of our the cinema she will have almost no recollection of the movie.

The first time I did this with Melissa was back when Cathay and Pavilion cinemas were side by side. We watched Disney's "Little Mermaid" and then ran across to watch Chow Sing Chi's "Saint of Gamblers". Boy, was she confused after that! Now did the mermaid swim to the witch so that she could play poker better and save her true love and uncle?? What was the crab doing in a poker game??

That's why Daddy's cooler!

On with the review. This weekend we watched "Monsters vs Aliens 3D", "Terminator Salvation" and "17 Again".

1. Monster vs Aliens
I highly recommend the 3D version. Since it was double the price, we watched it on a Wed which was cheaper....hey I am half Indian so that makes me half-cheap. I will spring for the tickets but on a Wed....wait a minute, I think Melissa paid for them.

Anyway, it was a very enjoyable movie and the 3D made it a lot more fun. It is a story of an "Area 51" type of organization that looks after failed experiments or monsters. An asteroid hit girl who has grown to be 50 foot tall with enormous strength is put together with a cockroach man (I can see Melissa cringing), a half man, half sea creature (looks like something that was a result of Aquaman mating with a fish during a drunken night) and a blob named B.O.B..

BOB was funny because he had no brains. Something like our members parliament but only funnier. And they were called upon to....save the world! Hooray! Of course its a happy ending and everyone learns a lesson. The story line is tried and tested so nothing unusual but the jokes and moments were pretty hilarious.

Look out for the scene when they visit Susan's (giant lady voiced by Resse Witherspoon) home. It is very enjoyable but not enough for me to buy a DVD to keep and collect.


2. Terminator Salvation
I had a lot of mixed reactions when I hear about this movie. Many felt that it was not up to the hype. I am not sure if its the Termninator hype or the Christian Bale (he saved the Batman franchise after Val Kilmer and George Clooney screwed it) hype. My daughter fell asleep and Melissa wasn't sure why John Connor's father is younger than him.

I found it to be highly entertaining. Maybe its because I let my expectations start very low but I thought I didn't have to. I would have liked it to be more fast moving though but it was a leading very gradually to the story we know which wasn't easy with so many premutations set up in the TV Series and earlier pre-quels. So the action wasn't as fast as T2 (which was the best Terminator movie for me) but hey, Terminator is Terminator.

Plot was not bad and the story flow was commendable. Effects was alright but the show's setting was kinda dark. We enjoyed it (including Mandy who enjoyed her sleep). We will see a few more installations of this new Terminator. Christian Bale just cornered 2 very important franchise roles and he cornered it well.


3. 17 Again
This is a movie for my Mandy since she likes Zac Efron. I was hoping of more Matthew Perry but I think he only appeared in about 5 minutes of the whole movie. It is a chic flic with a twist. Again tried and tested. Matthew Perry's character has had a horrible life and he blames his family for it. He wishes he could be 17 again to set things right.....for himself. Along the way, he realizes that he was sent back to set things right with his family.....deja vu?

There are some hilarious moments when his best friend tries his luck on the principal. It was a relatively weak movie but if you like Zac Efron (for some reason like maybe you are gay or maybe you are 8), you may enjoy this. He is not too bad here as a 35 year old who turned back to 17.

Other than that, it is a true "cliched" movie. If you have better things to do, go do it. Hopefully it will be shown on cable TV in a year or two.


So there you have it readers. A snapshot of the movies we watched. Better catch them now as end of this month....Revenge is Coming!

Marrying young and pro-creating...why again?

There comes a time in a man's life (approximately 5.30pm) when he will sit back and comtemplate his life and take stock of how it has turned out. Did it turn out the way he wanted it to or was it all flushed down the main sewers of life. Most of the time, its the sewers because when we thought up how our lives would turn out, we were based it on books, TV and parents. I don't know about you but my parents weren't exactly the brightest sunshine Mary Poppins type. One step or word out of place and somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!

Also when we were doing this thinking back then, it was pretty obvious that it was based on a lot of fictional stuff. So recently I having such thoughts and my thoughts centered around this particular topic. At this moment, I have to say, my biggest success are my kids.

They are far from perfect....not even close! But they are good enough for me. So I started thinking about when did I first entertain the thoughts of having children? I love kids. I always have and I always will. To put a proviso, I do draw the line when it comes to those screaming, yelling, rolling the floor kids that you see at the mall. Those parents should be taken to a correctional facility run by Nazi-like soldiers and put through a jungle style survival for as long as it takes so that they can come back and whoop their kids!!!

I digress....I do that a lot.

Melissa and I thought about having our first child when we were into the 6 month of our marriage. It was the worse time of our marriage but it was also the best. We were having a lot of problems of coping with marriage. I felt I dove into it too early and she was feeling insecure. A note to newly weds. If you are thinking of getting married early, pls make sure you are ready to give up your new found freedom and be ready to share everything. Give time to yourselves to find each other.

It was horrid as we had fights a lot and mistrust. It was also the best because it forced us out into the open and we had a very long discussion and came to a strong realization of what we were doing to ourselves, our marriage and to each other. So that made our marriage strong. After finding our new found selves, we were like new dating couples again and that was when we talked about it.

We talked about how many we would have. I wanted 8 but I guess it was a wee bit unfair of me to make that statement since I wasn't doing the pregnancy. So we settled on 2 regardless of the sex of our children. After that we will decide if we want more when the time comes.

There was also the discussion on how we would bring our children up. So we looked at families and realized that our generation are VERY (you know I am excited when I think in capital letters) VERY liberal with their children today. I don't know if there is a corelation to that and the fact we have higher crime rates, more mat rempits and more talk shows.

While I don't want to be my parents when it comes to discipline, I too didn't want my children to turn out like Children of the Damned of Damien from Omen or Linda Blair from Exorcist. I certainly don't want people commenting that my kids were badly brought up. So we have a difficult task of balancing sterness and understanding. I too wanted to be a cool dad where my kids can hang out with me and talk to me but at this moment, they are too young for me to tell if that's happening.

My only hope is to point them in the direction I think best fits the situation and pray they turn out fine. After all, I turned out with minimal defects.

Jaya Supermarket - Pak Toh place

Recent weeks have seen reports about the demolition work of Jaya Shopping Complex or most popularly known as Jaya Supermarket. This building was the first mall of sorts for us living in PJ. There weren't many what you would call hi-tech malls with its lavish ambience and stores as you would see today. Jaya was the first to incorporate the variety of shops with a supermarket. But more importantly for us hormone-charged height-of-puberty teenagers, it was a cheap place to "pak-toh", translated from Cantonese to mean dating.

The place had restaurants, an IT shop called Pineapple Computers, shops that sell watches, electronics, carpets, plant nursery, christian books and music and later on a Starbucks and some hair styling place.

Granted the place is pass its time and the design doesn't support any expansion. Tearing it down does bring back some nostalgic moments. Of course the process was all botched up...true to the Malaysian Boleh spirit. While it was being demolished, the building collapsed with workers still in it. 7 people died. Why don't we use explosives and implode the building you ask? Well, explosives are hard to come by in Malaysia. It is only used to blow up evidence or inconvenient people.

Anyway, I digress.

I use to remember that we will take a bus after school to Jaya to hang out with Sri Aman girls that we have known through our friends or school activities. There was no such thing as the internet or cell phones or facebook, friendster, etc back then. There was terrestrial TV, supermarkets and fast food joints. There were also our parents, so these rendezvous must be kept to a minimum of exposures and a maximum of alibis.

My school had girls but we don't "in-breed". Furthermore, if you break up (which you will when you are in school {read stupid}, broke and think with your...err..."hormones", if you know what I mean), it just adds to the complication of having to face your ex (it's a small school, it ain't Harvard). Anyway, the girls from Sri Aman were a lot friendlier than others like Sri Petaling or Assunta. So that was the main meeting point. We usually hang out at KFC and later McD's or at my favourite restaurant then, Jaya Noodle House.

They have the best Char Siew (grilled BBQ pork) wan tan noodles and curry noodles. Run by sisters, it has moved to a new sophisticated area nearby called Jaya One. Another nostalgic moment as more of our childhood landscape makes way for new development which will then be our children's playground.

It is a sure sign of old age when more of our memories are being torn down or re-modelled for the sake of development. We have to make sure we don't turn into old farts and turns these memories into pointless stories for our kids. Pretty much like how our parents (or in my case the person with a flair for the dramatics was my mom) talks about how they ate tapioca growing from beside the road or panned for tin residue to sell or running around the bushes hiding from Japanese and Communist soldiers.

Goodbye old friend....hopefully the new building will give the area the boost it needs.