Christmas, Christmas, time is near....and gone

It's another Xmas come and gone. This year, I didn't get to enjoy Xmas as much as part of the celebration and Xmas feeling came from the present-buying, clothes-shopping and the totally freaked out feeling that you have left out presents for someone. Which is just next to the anxiety of being TOTALLY broke.

Hey, Merry Xmas!

All said and done, it is a very special for me, always. Ever since I met my wife, Xmas gave me a new meaning and when I had kids, it was in a totally different stratosphere all together. This year, we had a BBQ party for my family members who visited from Kuantan and Singapore. We had something like 20 people putting up for 2 nights in my house. I have yet to check which part of my house is broken from the mayhem!

Despite the hassle and inconvenience of having my home invaded, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I love having them around and they are a lot of fun. So the party was also a great success with really well BBQ'd lamb, chicken, prawns and squid, with the normal stuff like rice, desserts and our Malaysian favourite, cendol! I had a cendol machine at my party! Quite cool hor!

I didn't get to take many pics since the BBQ smoke made the pics very fuzzy. Either that, I am not very good with my camera. I was also very pleasantly surprised to see the lights along Sunway Resort Hotel. Though it was not better than Orchard Road, it was a marked improvement definitely. The decor at Mid-Valley, Sunway Pyramid, 1Utama and Pavilion was also very creative and very warm. I am kinda sorry that I didn't get to see KLCC's decor.

Anyway, this year, I was more caught up with work. Having just came back from our family holiday, I had some work to do and was working until late on Xmas eve and almost miss Xmas mass. I am glad, I was still able to make time for my family during Xmas.

In this time of nostalgia, I wish that the worst of your tomorrows is like the best of your yesterdays.

Merry Xmas and Happy New 2010!!

Avatar - 15 years in the making

This was a real interesting movie and it was reported to be in the making for 15 years. Reason being the technology was not available for James Cameron to realize his story. I think that is just horse shit. I think James Cameron just got lazy and probably forgot about it because the story line was so predictably...well predictable. It was probably the year's most predictable and readable movie. You just knew what was going to happen next.

The bad guys cutting down the forest over some rare and expensive resource. Hero sent in to win over the locals who don't want to have anything to do with these short-ass, weird coloured and dress-funny creatures from the skies. Hero is part of the whole program until he meets and falls in love with native who JUST happens to be the chief's daughter and promised to another really cool and can-kick-your-ass dude!

He then turns and tries to save the locals and you just know he will fight the bad guy and you just know they will win.

That is not to say, the movie is without it's moments. The concept of the new planet and its inhabitants alone is very creative. These 10-feet tall, blue creatures can connect with most beings and trees in their planet. It's like they have this USB port that connects their beings with their surrounding animals and trees. Pretty cool on that! All in all a very enjoyable movie. There is a 3D version but I am not sure if that's a good idea as there are lots of movements, flying, running through forest real fast and action fighting.

The animals that they thought up was also very cool and superbly interesting. At least for me....or I could be just easily amused. Most of the ground animals have 6 legs. I am not sure what is the problem that they evolved to 6 legs.

With 3D, you may just barf all over the seat in front of you and just provide them with a shampoo of semi-chewed pop corns and still fizzling coke. So be strong if you wanna 3D. Otherwise stick to the conventional baby.

The CGI rendition did not replace the acting. In fact, CGI only provided the make up but the actors still moved and acted using motion sensors that captured their movement. That made the CGI rendering very realistic. So tech wise, it was pretty impressive.

So saddle and ride into the world of Pandora and the Ormaticaya (spelled something like this).

Retro Astro

This week's movie review takes us a little bit back to our childhood as we view the remake of a Japanese boy superhero, called Astro Boy. It started way back in the 50s and appeared in TV and print sometime in the 60s....which was WAYYYYYY before I was born. By the time I was reading and writing, the novelty kinda wore off.

Picture this. The superhero has hair combed as if it had horns, flew around topless (what is up with that???), had red boots and look suspiciously like a youth that is VERY confused about its gender. Is it a boy? Is it a girl? Why does it have fake long eyelashes?? Come on, it's supposed to Japanese and they are NOT supposed to have long eyelashes.

The movie was actually very enjoyable though superbly predictable. It had family values, it had heart, it had some light moments, some crying moments, fun for the whole family. It takes some time talking about the creation of Astro Boy and how he was trying to fit into a very weird future world. Seeing the best of the world and the worst of it and coming to terms with it.

Of course there's a bad guy and of course Astro Boy kicked some astro butt...literally. He has machine guns....on his butt!!! That I didn't remember.

I watched the show with my family and Mikey's 5 friends! Their seats were 2 rows from us, so that we don't inflict on our son the parent's curse of embarrassing him by breathing. So dutifully we sat far away and watched the show together. Our son is growing up..*sniff*.

Thank goodness he is not going to grow on Astro Boy and start running around the house topless with some cheap prostitute's red boots.

It's 14 years on

Today 2nd Dec is my 14th wedding anniversary. Yep, it's been that long. So what's the secret to a Chindian's happy marriage? There are 4 aspects that I would recommend and do allow me to share our Chindian secret to the world as this is one of our legacy to civilization.

A wedding is a one day celebration but a marriage is supposed to be for a lifetime but Hollywood spoils it for us. In the movies, it makes it look as if it's all a fairy tale and every wedding will turn out as a happily ever after kinda thing. Just like Cinderella. Now, don't get me wrong. I am all for a happy ending and Cinderella type of story and many times it does happen. However, for every Cinderella story there are millions of normal marriages that needs to be worked on.

For a marriage to work, you gotta want it bad because it's going to put up a fight and no one really knows how it will end up. The person you have been dating can change after the wedding and it's not because they are some Transylvanian vampire or king size dick head (though there are these permutations as well). People evolve and change but the main thing to understand is that while you may have new expectations, your partner may not. Don't take anything for granted because you are NOT living a Hollywood life. Maybe that's why so many celebrity marriages don't work....too much acting.

It was quite stormy for us at the beginning too. I thought I was too young and felt pushed into it. Also I just expected everything to fall into place but it doesn't. You are two different people suddenly thrown into the mix. You have different preferences for simple things like toothpaste or broom types and that can spark a war of epic proportions!! You can trust me. I'm a Chindian.

So both of us had our fair share of issues and fights and wars and showing each other the I-ignore-you look and giving each other the cold treatment. You know what's the best part? Kissing and making up. That's right! I said it!

After some months of fighting, we took a weekend off and had a very long and heart-to-heart chat about our issues and why I was acting like the world's stupidest mule and why was she acting like a prize winning pain-in-the-ass. It turns out, we just thought things were supposed to work out and when it didn't we took it out on each other. So that was cleared and we settled down to start a family and things kinda took off from there. Even if you have everything figured out right to the tee, there are still no guarantees.

Of course, our families and friends were there to support and most of the time, they didn't know what they were supporting. They were just there to keep us company, laugh, give subtle opinions over issues they didn't know existed. Most of the time, their company gave us a lot of insight and help us see things from very different vantage points.

Then our God's gifts came and they helped keep the foundation strong. Our children have been a great source of joy, love and inspiration. Being a husband and then a father was a whole new dimension for me and I glad Melissa, Michael and Amanda are there for me and sticking by me despite my failings. If I had to do it all over again, I will not change a single thing.

So what is the secret to a happy Chindian marriage??

1. Pray together
At home or church. Go together.

2. Laughter. Lots and lots of laughter (not to the point of insanity of course).
Learn to laugh at each other's mistakes, quirks and weirdness.

3. Compromising
Not your principles but on your likes and wants. You win some and you lose some.

4. Always, always, always, always age faster than your wife.

Good luck to you and I will write about our 15th year anniversary.

Congratulations Visitor No. 2000!

I don't know who you are unfortunately but visitor No. 2000 to my site is from Singapore. I am not sure if you visited here accidentally or you enjoy my postings or you came here to vandalize. Whatever your intentions, I wish you all the best, leave comments and I hope you enjoy my postings!!

Woohoo!! As a token of my appreciation, you can have the Hope Diamond or something from the Vatican Archives! Good day!

A Father Forgets.....

I was brought up in a Chindian family that was both strict and conventional. Which meant my dad and mom was not afraid of killing my brother or me.

"If I get rid of one, I will make another one. And I will tell the new one what an idiot the first one was." - Russell Peters

So, we didn't really get words of encouragement that didn't include threats of medieval torture at worst and disowning at best. We didn't really understand what disowning really meant. We were confused because we knew it meant we won't be staying with our parents, which wasn't all that bad, but could we come back for food and clean clothes?

We also didn't get hugs and comforted when we were sad, because they didn't really know how to do it. My son got his first major government exam this week and I was disappointed. He had 2 C's and I was very downcast. I mean, I had straight A's and I was not known to get C's. While I was not exactly a genius, I was well above average.

Then I came across and article in a book I was reading. It was written by Livingstone Larned. It was an article that opened my mind and my heart.

Listen, son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your friends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to your for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of yours was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

I did not realize the pain he has gone through and his own disappointment of having disappointed me. How unfair and easy I was to judge him as an adult when he is only a 12 year old boy, going through a Chinese education system when we don't speak Mandarin as our first language. When he had to sit through 2 additional papers than other schools and when he actually brought home 3 As and 2 Bs.

Tomorrow, I buying him his own 50" LED TV and PS3.

The End is NEAR!!! - 2012!!!

Be warned, the apocalypse is nigh! Three years from now, untold disaster will strike. Human civilisation will come crashing down and the world as we know it will shatter under the weight of our vanities. Our cities will crumble, as our culture grinds itself to dust and mass hysteria consumes the last paltry scraps of social sustainability.

No, it's not the London Olympics or Oprah Winfrey going off the air. It's just the end of the world as we know it.

Haha! I thought that was a good opening line.

To begin with, it was a week of fear and uncertainty for this Chindian family. First of all we were all waiting for Michael's UPSR results which is a child's first major government exams. It's for those who are in Standard 6 or Primary 6. So naturally as a 21st century 12 year old, this exam anxiety doesn't mean much to them. It's just an exam and our parents will understand regardless of their results. After all, look at dear old dad accidentally pouring salt into his coffee instead of sugar. So dad has a major anxiety attack lasting all week. You see, I was brought up in an environment that would have had my dad arrested for child abuse today. If your results were horrific, you will be punished and possibly murdered and buried. If caught, the judge who is also a father, would acquit my dad. Heck, he may ordered me exhumed, resurrected and killed again.

Secondly, despite that, we thought we will go watch a movie to see what the end of the world is like in 3 years. A movie called 2012.

The movie pays tribute to the Mayan culture that actually calculated this destruction or renewal of the earth, centuries ago. So in 2012 the planets will once again align as they do every 26,000 years, give or take. Which is cue for Gaia (look it up, I ain't gonna explain everything!!!) to shake some serious booty!

What supposedly happens is, the solar explosions on the surface of the sun bombards earth with radioactive super neutrinos which boils the earth's core. With the core boiling and its lava shifting all over the place, it loses it's ability to hold on to the surface's tectonic plates. Hence earth's plates starts shifting, and not the 1/2 inch per year but like 1,500 miles in 12 hours.

So what was once the Pacific ocean, becomes mainland China. The tsunamis bury everything up to Tibet and makes the sea level a few hundred feet below Everest's summit. And then, large giant trees come out to fight Orcs and Nazgul's so that the white wizard will not be able to support Saruman. To defeat him, we will have to wait for the Starship Enterprise which will send GI Joes into the earth's core to stop Gaia from kicking out butt.

SLAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!! WOW!! Thanks, I needed that.

So the tectonic plates moves and boundaries as we know it are gone while a few thousand people float towards Africa to start a new life since Hollywood loves irony. It is also a concept about human greed and what they will do to save themselves. I won't give away some of the premise but save to say, it's a movie heavy on special effects. It's just as interesting (and similar) to Day After Tomorrow.

It retrospect, it probably wasn't so smart to watch 2012 in a week where my nerves were jangling at the end of my finger tips. It made me more nervous when reading about earthquakes in Indonesia or floods or fires or whatever disaster that was cropping up in the world. So this week, I decided not to watch the news or read the papers. So if they do decide to award Hindraf and every Indian in Malaysia USD 1 Million, drop me a note in my postbox. Provided the neurtinos don't fry you first.

MCA and MIC strikes again - The circus never left town

If you are like me, a Chindian that is proud to be Indian and Chinese, you can't help but read the comedy that is playing in the political arena of MCA and MIC. These are the 2 largest and oldest political parties that are supposed to represent the interest of the Chinese and Indian races. Most of you will ask, how is it in the 21st century and in a supposedly developing nation are we still looking at race-dependant parties?

That's because we have idiotic, money grubbing, murderers for our "leaders". I don't know what is worse, the leaders we have (which are more than qualified to sit with the lab mice in a laboratory for bubonic plague cure) or the people who keep putting them there.

So let me play out the simple scenario of these 2 circus'. MIC which is to stand for Indian rights, was going for an election to see if their hair-implanting leader of 22 years will stay around or yield to a worthy successor. There were rumours he will go, he will stay which of course turns out that he will stay. Since he will stay, no one wants to challenge him for the presidency. Why? Would you bite the hand that feeds you? So MIC, like its other race-based party becomes nothing more than a farce.

The battle is on for the vice-presidency which our dear MIC leader goes all out to support a quiet, puppet that will follow whatever he dictates. So all the party money spent on elections was just to put on a show for the benefit of those with the minds of amoebas.

MCA saw a battle of egos between president and deputy culminating in the removal of the deputy. This drama had it all and I thought only the Indians were capable of drama. First was the sex scandal of the deputy and his "lover" of many years being caught in a hotel room that he frequents every time he is with the lady. Now if that doesn't get you the "Deserved to get your ass busted" of the year award, I don't what else will.

Then there was the corruption scandal involving the Port Klang Free Trade Zone involving billions which until today, no one could surface the irregularities. So there was sex, corruption, greed, ego and a whole lot of kindergartner mud slinging.

During an EGM vote, both were voted out. For once, I thought those with brains and logic prevailed. New elections would be called and we will get new leaders who will work for the ideals and the people. If you think that, you have not been paying attention.

Of course they both DON'T resign. Of course they both don't leave. You can't depend on a simple thing like good ol' democracy and party charter to get good corrupted and highly sexed men out. So the PM, who is no saint either, stepped in and told everyone that these 2 clowns will stay and to hell with the vote of no-confidence, for the sake of party unity. So the party voted them out but they are kept in for the sake of the unity of a party who don't want them in the first place....hmmm....I guess if you have been controlled by your wife like our PM, you get your brain muddled and turn to oat-like substance.

BAd news is that we continue to be puppets of UMNO as long as the BN is in power and we continue to be opressed subtly and our country continues it slow descend down the drain. But the good news is that, we will continue to have good entertainment since the circus never left town.

Deepavali - The Festival of Light....It ain't for all Indians you know!

We celebrated Deepavali or Diwali last weekend and it is the most religous celebration in the Hindu calendar. Though you had no idea how many folks came up to me to wish me "Happy Diwali" just because I'm an Indian. Now I don't really blame these kind folks and I don't take offence to it. In fact I was hoping for some gifts and presents and I tell you, we Indians are the probably the cheapest race on the planet.

Every other celebration, kids get money, presents, new clothes, etc. Only in Diwali, the kids had to work like crazy, since Indian parents are afraid to kill their kids for disobedience, and all they get are some super shiny new clothes in colours that even a blind gay man wouldn't wear. You know why Indians are darker? It's because our colours are SO bright, we get burned.

There is no money changing hands though I hear times are changing now, it is still way behind the other more money-centirc races like us Chinese (see how I said us Indians earlier and then said us Chinese? Only a Chindian can do that. Don't try this at home).

So as a Chindian I am so super glad to have 2 celebrations, so that I have back up in case one of these screws up but my 2 celebrations don't include Diwali. Here is the simple difference. Diwali is a religious holiday, just like Wesak and Christmas. Chinese New Year is a cultural holiday which just marks the beginning of the lunar new year as it is with mid-autumn, early-winter solstice, late-spring onion and just right-summer sweat festivals.

That is why Chindians ALWAYS celebrate Chinese New Year and may either celebrate Christmas, Diwali or Wesak, depending on religion. So for me it's Christmas and Chinese New Year and all the other Christian and Chinese seasonal holidays. Because I look like a Malay, I could do Hari Raya or Eid Fitri as well. Pretty cool for us actually.

I would have admitted to celebrating Diwali if it involved someone giving me money. So thanks to my friends who sent me countless SMS wishes, I wish all the best and in future, read about our holidays!!

One Wedding, one mooncake festival and a funeral

It was a relatively busy weekend for our family and there were some fun things that happened. Starting with Melissa's aunt who passed away. It was totally ok since she was 80, sick and suffering for the last 2 months and quite hate-able. So there wasn't any sorrow though anyone dying is never a time for celebrations....normally. So I had to take my mom-in-law who came all the way from Kuantan to the funeral. For those of you who have not attended a Chinese funeral, the wake goes on for an odd number of days with 3 days being the minimum. So it can go on for 3,5,7, days...you get the picture.

So after work and dinner, we arrived around 9pm and were greeted by her cousins whom we almost never meet. In a Chinese family, the only time you see ALL of the family members is during a funeral. Not Chinese New Year, not birthdays, not weddings but at funerals.

So we sat somberly, as how Catholics are supposed to. Once a cousin of mine mentioned that her Catholic relatives were very quiet during a wedding, so it must be that all Catholics are somber. That's like saying Attila the Hun was a peace loving man, Genghis Khan loves to knit, Gandhi likes to stick sharp, hot metal objects through the rectum of poor peasants and Vlad the Impaler likes cranberry juice! Ok, so we don't impale or hang or burn people...usually, but one thing we Catholics aren't is somber. Especially those Chindian ones.

The next thing we knew at the funeral, the "somber" Catholic Chindian was recounting stories about Chindians, about teaching my wife how to cycle or how paranoid she can be and about the funny episodes that just happen around me. I was holding a mini stand-up comic show. Our table grew bigger with more people sitting around, louder and funnier. Best of, there were no alcohol involved!

The next day, we decided to have a Lantern walk around our park with my immediate and extended family seeing that it was the Mid-Autumn Festival or Mooncake Festival. We had a mini picnic with mooncake (though we almost didn't have mooncake during mooncake festival. Can you imagine the sacrilege??), dried pork, fizzie drinks and a lot of snacks. We hung around chatting, telling tales of others, teasing one of my cousins who insisted that we can attended any of our relatives' parties even though we aren't invited, just we because we are related. I am glad I like this cousin, so she can gate crash my parties anytime. I feel sorry for those who aren't close and may wonder, who is this tall, gangly and slightly scrawny girl coming to my party of which I didn't invite? Oh the stress!!! It lead to one us commenting that she may have been adopted. It was a cruel thing to say but if you were there, you'd understand.

So we lit candles, burned up some paper lanterns, kids walked around wondering what the fuss was all about, while we adults laughed, joked and had a good time. We always say these outings are for the kids, who actually just wanted to stay home with their cousins and play XBox and Wii. I headed to the funeral around 11pm again and the crowd was still waiting for me to continue my stories. So lantern walk was hilarious and funeral was good plus I built relationship with a cousin-in-law who lives in Beijing and got invited to stay at his house, anytime! Not bad for a somber Catholic.

The following day, a cousin got married. It was a simple wedding but I got to meet a lot of relatives whom I have not seen in ages as well. So it was time to bring out the show even though my family are general just fun people and didn't need my show. The highlight of the evening was when my Chindian brother, who took up the WHOLE stage (albeit it was a small stage but to take up the WHOLE stage??!!) belted 2 songs by Beyond. Which is a big deal since Beyond's songs are not easy to sing and they are in Cantonese and my brother can't read Chinese. So it's was all from memory.

He was great! One Indian man in the crowd immediately got up and cheered and clapped. He even joined in the singing. You know when you watch those Indian Bollywood movies and you see whole villages suddenly getting up and joining the hero in song and dance, and doing it all in unison? It's all true. We can't help it. It's an Indian thing. We see another Indian singing or dancing and that's our cue to jump in with our dancing shoes. It's in our genes....and also the Banggara can be done by anyone even with 2 left feet and the motor skills or a watermelon. If more alcohol was involved and we belted an Indian song, this guy would have just adopted us.

So it was a good weekend of fun though I was monetarily poorer for it, I connected with a lot of my family. At my funeral, there will be mooncake eating, crotch grabbing, lantern walking and Banggara dancing!!

10 Signs you may be losing it!!

As you can tell, I am really concerned about getting old or ageing. Not for the looks since I still retain my looks from when I was 20. But more for health and mind-losing. There are many signs that I have noticed to have occurred in recent years that has never happened to me before. If it's not ageing, the only other explanation is aliens shooting death rays into my head. Anyway, here are my top 10 ageing list.

1. You tend to forget things.

2. When you drive your car, you notice that people yell at you a lot. Often, these people are lying on your hood.

3. On more than one occasion, while shaving, you have noticed that your razor seemed kind of dull. Upon closer examination, your razor turned out to be your toothbrush.

4. You're always searching for the right word or name. You'll be telling an anecdote, and you'll get stuck on a name, and you'll tell your listeners: "You know! That guy! With the thing! He has that thing! That guy!" And everybody will start trying to guess who you're talking about, as if you're playing charades, and finally, after ten minutes of this, it will turn out that the name you're trying to remember is: "The Pope." By this time, of course, you have no recollection of the original anecdote.

5. You get up from you seat, walk over to some spot purposefully and then stop dead in your tracks because you forgot why you got up.

6. You tend to forget things.

7. You sometimes wear a bathrobe to the office.

8. And it isn't your office.

9. It isn't your bathrobe, either.

10. You tend to forget things and sometimes repeat them over and over again.

11. Numbers may not mean much to you (Top 10, top 12....what the difference?)

12. You cannot remember anyone's phone number anymore and without your mobile, you may get lost in the middle of the city and drool by the sidewalk until the police or welfare department takes you in.

13. You tend to address people younger than 35 as "young punks" or "whippersnappers".

14. You think all music that was produced after the 90s are garbage and toxic sewage. In fact, those are some of the bands' names.

15. You tend to repeat things and then forget them.

16. You have stories that have no points to it and as you tell it, you will see those around you walking away from you.

17. You wake up more than once to go to the bathroom at night and occasionally pee into the laundry basket.

18. You complain about the weather, young drivers and think skateboarders should be whipped.

And so, here are some of the signs that I have experienced myself. I would write more but it's time to go to the bathroom and I don't remember most of it. What's this about again???

A holidaying tradition

Last weekend was a long weekend for us with Mon and Tues being holidays in lieu of the Eid Fitri holidays which is the major holiday in Malaysia. In the past, religious holidays were fun filled and brings some perspective in your life of what family, love and neighbourly is about.

We have open houses where we will visit friends, visit families and you just see multi racial people just hanging out. Today we have cow-head protest over the relocation of a Hindu temple to their area. The temple is probably well visited about 3-4 times a year...ONLY. The church is well visited twice a week and on Easter and Christmas. Buddhist and Taoist have 2-3 celebrations every year. But the Muslims whose mosque has loud prayers 5-times a day, will send a cow head to protest another religion's place of prayer being relocated by the Muslim Government to their area. How sensitive and peace loving they are.

The Muslim community leader mentioned that he will hold an open house and invite the Indian community for the EId Fitri celebrations and hope it will show that it is only a small group of renegades who feel that way. In a way, I do applaud his actions but I must say that as a leader, he should ensure that every faction of the community is able to understand and be sensitive to the needs of other religions.

If you follow and read the Islam religion, the prophet Muhammad does talk about religious tolerance and leadership to the other religions and races. I am not against Islam but I am against those who forward their own selfish, myopic and medieval intentions in the name of any religion. These hypocrites who condemn other countries when they are insensitive to Islam and doing the same of that they are condemning.

We condemn Afghanistan, India, Myannmar for they way they treat their citizens and women and here we are advocating the caning of a woman who drank alcohol. A woman who is a PR of another country. I am not against them enforcing the Syariah law but don't you think caning a woman for drinking alcohol is super "Conan the Barbarian"? Who are we to condemn others? So what is the punishment for murder, rape and raping of your own daughter? Jail sentence.

I am also encouraged that we are allowing Beyonce to perform in Malaysia though we had to compromise on her costume. On Saturday, PAS Youth vice-chief Sabki Yusof said they would send a protest note to the Government over the concert, although he said there were no plans to disrupt the concert.

“We are not against entertainment as long as it is within the framework of our culture and our religion.

“We are against Western sexy performances. We don’t think our people need that,” he said.

What I want to know if this simpleton knows what the framework of our culture is. I am sure he has his own views of his religion but I am sure he is not speaking for the whole country. I am so sure he is not speaking for the whole of his race either. So before we criticize such demented logic, let's see what is the framework of the Malaysian culture. If he is talking of the Malay culture and since I am not a Malay, I will not question him on that but I sure as hell got a lot to say if he is talking about the Malaysian culture.

But that is democracy. We advocate free speech so we must allow those to protest in what they don't believe in. What I would like is for free speech to be really heard. The majority wants the concert with it's so called inappropriate dressing. We don't live in caves where we don't watch TV. We do see these performers in the skimpiest and we do have the internet for goodness sake. So let's get real. We are not simpletons.

This country has serious and real issues but Sabki Yusuf is concerned about what clothes someone is wearing on stage where there is no direct influence to the audience. Someone who is an international celebrity that could bring millions through sponsorship and tourist businesses to this country who has to feed people like Sabki Yusuf because they are too inept or lazy to get a job and depend on government handouts.

We have serious and real problems and I do suggest to the likes of these protesters to get real and start looking at solutions to these real problems. If you can't do it, then please stay in the government handout lines and make way for those who can do something.

But to all those forward thinking, evolved Muslims, I wish you with all my heart a "Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri" and God bless you and keep you always.

Blurry lines - a dash or reality and age

We always read about how people view ageing and how they react to events that are the cause of ageing. TV Sitcoms use it as a punchline and many a-times we will use it ourselves at the expense of our aging relatives, friends, etc. What we don't realize is that we are heading for a head on collision course with the ageing, hair line receding and blurry vision dose of reality.

For example, I do notice that my hair is starting to thin at the top!! At least if its the hairline, I could pass off for the Bruce Willis look. If my hair thins at the top, I will have the a real old fart kinda look! Why????? The biggest issue though is my eye sight. I have near perfect eye sight and I can see clearly when its far away. But lately, anything closer than 1 feet looks like a bowl of oatmeal to me. Also any font smaller than a french poodle will look like intestinal worms to me.

I first realized this when I was having problem identifying the food on my spoon as it comes nearer to me. It could have a cockrach on it and I would think it's a chocolate chip cookie. Whenever I am in a fancy restaurant that has those menus with fancy fonts in italics and loopy tails, my eyes go into a protest and refuse to focus. So I will just point at some random loopy thingy and say to the waiter,
"I will have this."
"You will have the "5% government tax"?"
"Make it medium rare."

Otherwise I will ask the waiter to pls ask the nice folks at the next table to hold it up for me. Eventually, I had to get those dorky reading glasses that you perch at the end of your nose and peer over it if you want to see above you. I couldn't wear it proper else everything will look 3 times larger and my brother (who is already the size of some construction vehicles) will now look like a low rise building. That is just not right. Also I don't want to be bumping into things like those old black and white slapstick comedy shows acted by Harold Lloyd and Charlie Chaplin.

So I take it in my stride. If I can't see my food, I smell it. If it moves, it's not good. If the party at my table looks disgusted at me, something terribly wrong is happening between the spoon, food and my mouth.

So, we the 70s children are slowly but surely growing in farthood, whether we like it or not! I welcome all others 70s children to join me. Those of you who are losing or have lost hair, don't despair (hey, it rhymes!!). We all go in different ways. The trick is to stick by each other and not to end up looking like those our parents' generation when they get old. Wearing pagaoda singlets, light blue boxers, sarongs, t-shirt buttoned to the top and pants pulled up to our man-tities.

Exam jitters - wait a minute....I had those DECADES ago!

Yep, it's time for those damn exam jitters again. Every biggie comes along and you lose sleep and also lose control of your bladder. Every 3 hours, you wake up to pee and then you dream that you didn't study for the exam and walk into the hall with a blank head (not that it's an different from other days).

It also doesn't help that it's been getting tougher and from Std 6, Form 3, Form 5, For 6 or A-levels or pre-U (whatever you went through) and then college and then......wait a minute! I have done all my exams! So what am I jittery about??? Aahhhh......it's a transference symptom. My first born, Mikey is having his Std 6 exams and these exams will determine the secondary school he attends, which is, if he gets bad grades, he will not only be sent to a BAD school but may even be asked to stay back and do an ADDITIONAL year, which he will then FALL behind, see his friends move FASTER than him, get depressed, get influenced by BAD kids in the bad school, IGNORED by teachers, gets into DISCIPLINE problems, kicked OUT with bad grades all his years, unable to go to college or even get a decent job, gets into CRIME, ARRESTED, INCARCERATED...SLAP!!!!!...Thanks! I needed that.

Phew! The worst thing is that I feel powerless to do anything for him. I wasn't great in school to begin with. Sure I aced this exam during my time but that was probably because it was NOT in Chinese! I am not very much of a teacher. So I can only look at him while he pores over his books, with his iPod on and his head bobbing to the beat of whatever song is playing, hoping that he is ALSO absorbing the facts in his books.

But what if he isn't? What if he is not getting it? What if he has mental block that day? What if he gets bad grades, gets depressed and de-motivated the rest of his life, lives in the streets or worst....works in the government???? How will I face my family with the shame????

Well, that's the 3-D of the Indian DNA coming out. You never heard of the Indian's 3-Ds? The Indians have 3-Ds, Drink, Drunk, Drama. I have the third-D in me.

Well, it's going to be the longest week of my life....until the next major exams. I guess I should take some Prozac or Valium, sleep it off and wake up on Friday. So, if you have the time, do say a quiet prayer for my son and the kids who are going through this "agony" now (though you won't know it, if you see them). Also if you see a dad, losing his bladder controls, going in and out of the school toilet while waiting in the canteen for the exams to end, spare him thought. Shoot a tranquilizer dart at him for him to sleep it off.

Lassie the Wonder Dog - what about the family?

I was considering to get my children a pet puppy and was surfing the net to look at the right breeds for us. Like all Chindian guys, we are into big dogs. Not one of those toy dogs that you can differentiate between a cushion or fluff of cotton. I want a dog that can protect me and hopefully kill cats, not get carried away by cockroaches for their midnight snack.

As I was surfing, I came across the Border Collie which any bird brain knows is the breed that Lassie was. Now if you don't know what Lassie was, then you are very young and shouldn't be surfing the net!!! For your cretins who don't know Lassie, she was a character is the self titled TV show back in the 50s but we had reruns of it during the 70s (so that you know I am not THAT old!).

She belonged to this farming family which had a little boy named Timmy and as far as we can tell, this family folks don't go out of the farm. All the story is centered around them lingering around the kitchen, the farm, the tractor, the stream and so on, looking at the neighbours and wondering how come they have crops and farm animals. But it was a good thing too since every time they went out, this family is so moronic, they will ALWAYS get into trouble.

Pa will get stuck under the tractor or Timmy will fall into a quicksand. Now who in the the goodness of all that is green on this earth, buys a farm with a quicksand in it???? What was the realtor's selling point? "You can throw 'em sheep and cow carcasses in there." Also, how dumb do you have to be to get stuck under the tractor? Aren't you working on it all day since the beginning of life and you never go out?? Best part is that this happens EVERY week! What is wrong with you people?

Lassie will then go back and whine and paw and scratch at the folks in the farm house and they will keep on asking "What is it girl? Someone in trouble?" Remember, this happens EVERY freakin', gut disemboweling week!!! They will ask "Are you hungry?" Now a real dog would have "Hell yeah I am hungry" and would have proceeded to have a treats while Pa got steamrolled and Timmy deservedly sinks into the quicksand.

But eventually the signals travels all the way across their hollow skulls and they follow her and all is well....again. They will then all sit in the dining room serving some redneck, farm dessert while Lassie fills out their government farming subsidy forms, tax returns and the bank loan for a new tractor for Pa to get stuck under.

What an idiotic family. It's a good thing the stop the show because I am so sure that it they carried on, Lassie will not only let Timmy drown or get rolled over, I bet she will push him just to get him out of the way!! Heck, she may even learn to drive the truck to roll over the whole family.

UP, UP and what a totally unexpected animated feature!

Hi there movie fans. It's time for yet another review. I may not have all the wise cracking, side splitting, Chindian famous wit that I have been secreting out for a while now. It's been rather stressful at work and also I am having UPSR blues. Mike is due to sit for his first major exam in a week.

Anyway, we still had time to go to the movies and we decided to take a stab at Pixar's latest animation, UP. Make sure you don't miss the beginning. Get to the cinema early.

UP was not one of our designated movies to watch this holiday season. It looked depressing with an old geezer for a hero and a small bumbling boy (from what we could make out from the trailer). So we decided to give it a slip. Then all the reviews starting pouring in. I started to ask myself....are reviews made of liquid form? I mean, isn't "pouring" reserved for liquid type materials? How the heck does review AND emotions (while we are at it) "pour"???? From where? Into what?

I digress.

The reviews were very impressive and we started thinking maybe we should check it out. So we headed out, my cousin KLY's family and us to Tropicana City Mall. It's the newest mall in our neighbourhood and it is actually a pretty cool mall. It's not too big and there is something for everybody. The GSC cinema was not too crowded and if you are waiting for your food and the stands, they will actually deliver it to you. Pretty cool huh!

Anyway, UP was REALLY an enjoyable movie. It had a very strong story line which was really realistic and makes a lot of sense (as far as cartoons go). A good mixture of friendship, parenthood, courage and of course doing the right thing. As with most Pixar/Disney movies, there was a lot of laughter and good jokes.

It's about the story of an old man who was an introvert but fell in love and married a adventurous girl. Life was normal but they couldn't go to a particular fabled place in South America until his wife died of old age and he was alone. Finally, deciding to take things into his own hands, he managed to get going only to find things are not what it seems in this fabled land in South America.

And starts the adventure with a so-called Wilderness Ranger thingy kid who has no idea how to live in the wilderness. But what an adventure they had. Finally the old man shed his grouch of course and understood that life in itself was an adventure. As with all cartoons, all's well ends well. I strongly recommend this movie as fun for the whole family or just with your loved one.

If you truly want to enjoy this movie, there is one teensy weensy condition though. No matter what, this cannot be broken else all will fall apart. Are you ready? Are you tough enough?

Here you go. You must not....You cannot.....question the logic of having an old geezer blowing thousands of balloons in one night, tying it to his fireplace and then lifting the ENTIRE house to fly all the way to South America....without passport and going through duty free shops!

You must accept this one tiny fact and your life in the cinema with this movie will be bliss! Enjoy.

Malaysia - 52 years on

Any object, situation, person or place would normally progress and move forward after being in existence for 52 years. Look at corporations, towns, cities, people and more prevalent, technology. Technology decided to take a huge exponential leap into the future. We flew our first plan at the turn of the 20th century in 1903 but less than 70 years later, we managed to put a man on the moon! The first computers was the size of a boardroom and today PC can outperform that computer by 1000 times. IBM has already invented a chip that can perform pentaflop calculations, which is 1,000,000 trillion calculations a second. That is so mind boggling that I can't even fathom that there is such a huge number. All in about 50 years!

Where is Malaysia in that 50 years? Caning a woman for drinking beer in public. Calling your neighbours immigrants despite them being longer in the country than you and when your ancestors are immigrants themselves. Judging others by differences from your own religion despite the teaching of that said religion. Murder, corruption, accusing others of corruption, putting the needs of the self before the country are just a few incidences that we have "progressed" to.

So have we moved forward?

Sure, we have one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world. Our economy has grown leaps and we have been able to adapt from agriculture to manufacturing and hi-tech. Our airport has won many awards and we have one of the best low-cost carriers in the world. Our people are generally friendly, more accommodating, more co-operative and relatively smart. Most of our smartest brains are being pinched elsewhere.

However, we still have medieval mentality. PAS and many people in today's Govt still want to run this country like Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan where medieval punishment is practiced and everyone follows the word of the Holy book to the hilt. Because we still have hardcore poor, illiterates and places that are non-accessible to TV and mass media (even then, censored and controlled media), we have very ignorant people in the rural areas who believe in the lies and medieval thinking.

People who for some stupid bigoted reasons believe we are in some kind of religious war. People who believe that all the non-muslims are infidels and deserve to die. People who still abuse, rape and condone these abuses done to their own children and then have the audacity to call others barbarians and infidels. People who totally distort the Islamic principles and create fear into the populace in the name of Islam.

I am not a Muslim but I have yet to encounter a Muslim colleague, friend or the guy that stands in front of me in a queue at McDonald's, wanting to kill me just because I pray differently or have different views. Now don't get me wrong. In these rural areas, we do have ignorant Indian and Chinese people who are just as racist and feel that they need to stick it to the Malays, Chinese and Indians and vice versa. How many times have we heard a parent and maybe even your own parents say to the kids or you when you were little that if you don't behave yourself, the Indian man will come and catch you.

I have relatives who are highly educated and hold positions of great responsibility but who are one of the most racist folks ever. My Indian relatives think that all Malay people are lazy and incompetent and when they are reprimanded for their own incompetence, they blame the Malay conspiracy. My Chinese relatives told their children that they shouldn't marry Indians because you will be unhappy and that these Indians will get drunk and come home and hit their wives. That is so untrue. Sometimes we pour gasoline on them and set them on fire. That's beside the point.

Why only Indians? Chinese folks don't gamble, lose everything and then come and hit their wives and children? How many times have you read in the papers a Chinese man gambles or loses all the money borrowed from Ah Long (money lenders) and then kill the whole family including their own small children?

How many times have we read about a Malay man going out looking for another wife and to stop him from doing so, the wife just ignores the fact when he rapes his own daughter...just to keep him in the house?

We are all guilty. Being from a dual culture I am blessed to see both sides but I am so afraid for my children. I don't want to bring them up in a world where we place so much emphasis on race and then generalizing race to certain characteristics. I don't want our country to be like that but I can't do it alone. We all just need to focus on the right things to do and believe in the 1 culture and 1 race, which is Malaysian.

Gaining independence in 1957 gives us the opportunity to see how other countries have progressed so that we can learn and take the shortcut. That's our advantage but we are not using it, instead we are falling into the same traps and mind sets.

It's not impossible, Malaysian. Despite all our differences, we have been living together for 52 years and some even more. Let's bring up our children differently and make that change.

I'm looking at man in the mirror
I'm hoping that he'll change his ways.....
If you wanna make a world a better place
take a look at yourself and then make that change

Chindian giving tips on life

As you read whether books or the Internet, you tend to form some good tips in life which seems rather useful at the time. But as with so many things, most of these things tend to be useless but it's still fun reading. Pls feel free to add some of your own.


1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. Americans are the inventors of the unnecessary. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why on the concept of daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the most government is entertainment. Sex DVDs, blown up models, 10M given here and 500M sued there. Where else can you find this?

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip and rumours.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 12.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Hollywood, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with power drills.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very
excited and announce that:
- The universe is even bigger than they thought!
- There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
- Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong and its worst than ever...until next year.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. Ask the protesters. 90% of them are unemployed youths who have nothing better to do.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:
- If the advertisement says "This is not your father's car," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this car, like all other models of the same brand, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
- If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
- If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
- If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use as His messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or a person who uses so much hair spray that his hair can deflect small caliber bullets.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take things too seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway. If they don't, they are not your friends.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

26. Never lick a steak knife. It's bad table manners and no one wants to see your blood!

27. The secret to a successful marriage is to always look older than your wife. If you are somehow blessed with boyish good looks, unless your wife is blessed the same, you are so screwed!

28. To get your wife to stop suspecting you of having an affair with everyone from the vegetable lady to your bosses' secretary, have kids.

29. Whatever TV show you are watching now, will seem like crap 20 years on. Can you remember A-Team, Knight Rider, Airwolf, Six Million Dollar Man?

30. Whatever memories that has inspired you today will one day be stories without any point to your child.

Children of the 70s and 80s - Be proud!

To All those Born in the 50's , 60's & early '70s..

First, we survived with mothers who had no maids. They cooked /cleaned while taking care of us at the same time.

They took panadols, candies floss,fizzy drinks, shaved ice with syrups and diabetes were rare.

Salt added to Pepsi or Coke was remedy for sore throat.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

As children, we would ride with our parents on bicycles/ motorcycles for 2 or 3.

Richer ones in cars with no seat belts or air bags and no air-conditions. We had that small fan that cranks when it turns.

Riding in the back of a private taxi was a special treat.

We drank water from the tap, any tap and NOT from a bottle.

We would spend hours on the fields under bright sunlight flying our kites, without worrying about the UV ray which never seem to affect us.

We go to jungle to catch spiders without worries of Aedes mosquitoes.

With mere 5 pebbles (stones) would be a endless game. With a ball (tennis ball best) we boys would ran like crazy for hours.

We catch guppy in drains / canals and when it rain we swam there.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually worry about being unhygienic.

We ate salty, very sweet & oily food, candies,bread and real butter and drank very sweet soft sweet coffee/ tea, ice kacang, but we weren't overweight because.......
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, till streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. AND WE DON'T HAVE HANDPHONE S TO BUG US. And we were O.K. AND WE ARE SAFE.

We would spend hours repairing our old bicycles and wooden scooters out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

We did not have Playstations, X-boxes, Nintendo's, multiple channels on cable TV, DVD movies, no surround sound, no phones, no personal computers, no Internet. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and we still continued the stunts.

We never had birthdays parties till we are 21.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and just yelled for them!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Yet this generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 40 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

One-liners!!

Interesting one-liners from our fav cartoon strip Dilbert, courtesy of a very good friend.

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

12. I love being a write - what I can't stand is the paperwork.

13. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

14. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

15. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

16. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

17. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

18. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

19. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

20. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

21. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

22. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

23. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

24. Someday is not a day of the week

25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

26. To err is human; to forgive is not a Company policy.

27. The road to success......Is always under construction.

28. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

......and here's the best of the lot

30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else.

Mikey in the STAR newspaper Aug 19 (Education Pg 23)

Pls allow a father to indulge his pride. I know you must be a little nauseated by all this show of publicity over something small but it's a HUGE thing for my kids, especially Mikey. For Kumon to recognize his achievement and hard work, it a great morale boost for him. Also, doesn't he just look precious?

Ignore the pic next to him. Ok...if it's still distracting, look at the smaller cut. HAHAHAHA.

Michael Kumon 19 Aug 09 (Pg 24)


Michael Kumon

Another posting for the Davids - Vanity at its best!

Just to show you a newspaper clipping of our family courtesy of Kumon. This paper's circulation is in Penang and Kota Kinabalu. For goodness sake, don't ask me to translate!!

G.I. Joe - A real guy's movie

This posting is a little outdated. We say GI Joe the weekend it opened and it was the most guy or guy-ness movie you can imagine. I thought Melissa would suffer through it but she actually enjoyed it and more importantly understood it. Though at the end she was a bit confused by the villains. Who was Cobra and what was a Destro?

I was fortunate that I did remember GI Joe from my tween years when it was a cartoon on TV. However, true to guy fashion my son and all 3 nephews had no problems whatsoever relating to the guy-ness that was on full display throughout the movie. The story was not too bad but the acting (apart from Marlon Wayans) had the same effect as a plywood.

Pretty boy (whatever his name was) who played the lead role "Duke" was nothing like the cartoon character (which was closer to Arnold or Van Damme) and he gave the impression of a real pussy! We are so short of action movie heroes. Where is Arnold, Bruce Willis, Sly, Jean Claude Van Damme, Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, Pierce Brosnan of the 21st Century?

Instead we churn out wussies like Freddie Pince Jr, Channing Tatum, Shia LeBeouf and names you can't blinking pronounce!!! Come on!! These guys look either too sleepy to fight the bad guys or too stoned or just too busy ensuring their manicure and face foundation are not disturbed.

Anyway, apart from what I thought was a hero disappointment, the hi-tech gadget and weaponry was veyr creative and totally appealed to the guy sense of destruction and mayhem. It's just sad that there weren't too much blood and gore and flying body parts like Blade or 300. It's another summer blockbuster in the making, just like Transformers 2. You leave your brains behind and just watch ass being kicked! I totally enjoyed it (seeing that I hardly take my brains anywhere).

Ladies, if you really want that Ferragamo bag or Gucci shoes or Longines watch from your other half, this is the movie to take him to. You will want to tear your hair out but the brownie points earned will be worth it. Just ask Melissa.

Men's rules and standard - let's see you try this

I wrote extensively about how us guys are always fumbling about when it comes to social graces and why we are made out to be barbarian by women magazine's like Cosmo. That's because women wrote the rules and standards. The rules are way too incompatible with the guy DNA. That is why we fumble. So this Chindian is starting a guy liberation movement by telling you about the guys' rules and standards. Let's see you try this for a few decades!

These are our rules! They are not mine per se since I got this from a very good GAL friend.

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Guys are NOT mind readers. We never have and we never will be.
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE )

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Weekend sports; It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just tell us what you want!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...because we don't disturb you while you are watching your soaps and serials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. Furthermore we have GPS now.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We all do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will ! act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. !

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Racing or Football.

1. 1 You have enough clothes.

1. 2 You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape! Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that ? It's like camping..


So there you go. We will commit to follow women's rules and standards if you try to live by ours. Any takers?

M&M in the first newspaper appearance!

The David kids, Mikey and Mandy making their first newspaper appearance. Not bad eh? Can someone translate for me?

Harry Potter vs Manny and Co

It was another weekend of movie binging. It was animation against the very powerful "magic" of Harry Potter. Our new cinema of choice is that of Tropicana City Mall at SS2. It is convenient, new, ample parking space and more importantly; its 3 minutes from home. There are new restaurants opening at the mall too. Furthermore, we discovered that if you ordered something that was not ready at the time, they will bring it to your seat in the cinema! Pretty cool huh!

So on with the show.

Harry Potter
I should remind you that I am a HUGE HP fan. The moment I read the books, I was hooked. However, The Half Blood Prince, I thought was the most boring of the 7 books. So I didn't have high expectations going into the movie. Actually I think they adapted the book rather poorly even in the earlier films. While I thought the casting wasn't too bad, the script for the movie was poor. It's like they want to tell too many stories and so end up telling a bit of everything without any coherrence. It also makes the movies rather shallow.

So this sequel was one of the poorest. It did have its moments like when Ron was in the spell of the Love Potion or when Harry was under the influence of the Felix Felicis (that's a Good Luck potion for those of you who are devoid of life and imagination). I was postitively tickled by that. Other than that, it wasn't the best way for me to spend 2 1/2 hours.


Ice Age 3
The logic of it is not sound but its animation right?? It's already illogical for a mammoth, sloth and sabre tooth tiger to be friends, let alone meeting a mammoth who thought she was a possum! I won't give too much away so you will have to see it for yourself and see you it, you should. This is a show you shouldn't miss. It was hilarious and it managed to keep us very entertained for a 3rd sequel (unlike Shrek. Remember him?).

There was a new character, a weasel which had a British accent but was truy remarkably entertaining. The voice talents didn't disappoint, it was very good wholesome fun for the family and you shouldn't watch it in 3D. Nothing worth 3D-ing at.

So whether you are on for some magic or travel back in time to see talking animals drive the Ice Age crazy, you have some good choices for you. Next stop....GI JOE!!!

Lesson learnt

Some teachings and observations in life!

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

The Baby day draws near...Omigawd!!!

I talked a lot about naming your baby well so pls pay heed else you may end up with a homicidal serial killer on your hands! If you are still unsure, then you can use the methods that Native Americans use. Like "Dances with Wolves" or "Stands with a Fist" or "Shits while Standing". This method is simeple and easy to apply. There are 2 ways that you can use. First, when your baby is born, look around for the first thing that inspires you and second, is to give your baby some weeks and see what inspiring event happens that shapes your babies first actions.

So in the first method, you could look around and see your wife feeding your baby for the first time and name your baby "Woman Bares Tits" or "white Milking Tits". Other events could be like "Cuts Wrong Cord" or "Waterful Placenta", you get the general idea.

For method 2, some samples are "Screams at 2 hours" or "Baby Pukes on you" or "Drools like always". You can wait a year and get names like "Walks into walls" or "Kicks your Groin". So you are not confined by some name like John or Mary or Jill or Chastity; you know, stuff like that.

Now you are ready to get the baby stuff. Yep gone are the days where its just buying some napkins, some baby clothes and a basket. I mean how much clothes do they need? Are they going to a ball, the office, an important client meeting, to the football for a game? All they know is to lie down, cry, drool, cry, sleep, drool, eat, sleep, cry, drool and...oh wait....sleep. But new parents don't think that because they think their newborn is having the same life and thought process they have.

"What will people think if I dress my baby is this outfit? What will the other babies think?". Here's the answer, "Where is that tit?". They aren't into fashion but you new parents are going to some store like "Toys R' So Overprice You Have To Commit Felony To Afford Our Stuff and you will buy WHATEVER the store person tells you. You have no choice because the ads and baby industry will make Genghis Khan seem like Maria in Sound of Music compared to you, if you don't get the bottle-warmer, the diaper that absorbs more water than a hippo or the sterilizer or the steamer or liquid detergent that was developed in a secluded mountain in Switzerland so that you baby's skin will glow like those of angels.

Well, if we survived without it, our kids don't really need it. But I am was no better. I had spent so much that I believe was equivalent to the GDP of a small Latin American country. I can't confirm it without my auditors but it would be close. The object is to spend so much that your bank account is committing suicide. That way, you will feel justified that you have bought everything needed. If you have to take out a 2nd mortgage on your house, you have gone too far. That's for the 2nd child and only if you have twins.

So for now, enjoy your false alarms of labour. Your wife constantly going to the loo and you having to constantly remind her that she is gorgeous even when she has a durian doughnut stuffed in her mouth. Welcome pal, you are a husband!

Michael's first public appearance

Don't say I didn't warn you but when he is famous, just remember that you saw it here first and a Chindian brought it to you.


Michael on the Internet

Goodbye MJ

It took a long while to sink in....but the King of Pop is no more. When you grow up with an icon, they are indestructible and they are immortal. Though there were very visible ad obvious signs of the strains of the public eye on him, MJ would live forever. It was very difficult to accept that he is gone. Very difficult to look at the situation and have that little voice say that this is not possible.

Maybe it's a hoax. Maybe it's a publicity stunt. Maybe Michael just wants to see if he is still loved. Whatever it was, it cannot be that he is dead.

You then see the reviews, the post-mortems, the news and culminating in a memorial service which was touching and slightly inappropriate. Gold casket below a stage where every sang and danced. Not very Asian. But after all that, we now have to get use to a life without Michael Jackson.

Like most poorer kids in my generation, we didn't really get a chance to enjoy music until our teens. Our parents weren't exactly music people and I didn't have a radio at home until I was 13. It wasn't those mini-compos which were a real fad then but those cassette players that has a dial for radio and everything was button and levers. No electronics, nothing fancy. It was junk and looked like junk but it was our radio.

The first songs I heard was Abba "One of us" and Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean". I hated it and still do. When "Beat It" was played later, I remembered that it was sung by this whiny voiced pansy guy called Michael Jackson who sang a terrible song "Billie Jean" but "Beat It" was kinda cool. So they song I paid attention to, blew my mind literally. I was hooked on "Thriller". At that time, the music was called New Wave and the world was preparing itself for a second British invasion after the Beatles.

We had Duran Duran, Wham, Howard Jones, The Police, Nik Kershaw, Yazoo, Kajagoogoo (I am not making these names up. These were really band names that we were really into). MJ stood out and resisted the British invasion sweeping awards after awards. I remember watching "Thriller" music video at a very popular CD outlet called Victoria Music Station in Sg Wang after school which we snuck out to. I just couldn't move away. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen!

I began to seriously pay attention to MJ then and I was hooked. He went on to become a huge megastar with people going crazy over him! Crying when the saw him and having all these emotions flooding towards him.

Sadly though, that didn't last. To reasons only known to him, MJ became....."weird". For all his shortcomings and all his doings, he will remain forever an icon for perfection, artistry and philanthrophy. Very few people come into the world and leave with the knowledge that they have made a difference. MJ is one of them. We will miss him and his music and we won't be the same again. God Bless and rest in peace.....finally.

Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Brainless!

You may have read that this sequel really bombed. Then you may have read that it has grossed USD400MM worldwide in 2 weeks, making it one of the most successful films ever! It's opening weekend was only overshadowed by "Dark Knight". So you will be blamed if you are confused. How the heck did a movie that has gotten so rotten reviews absolutely EXPLODED at the box office?!?!?!? Defies logic? Actually not really.

The Star made it very clear in its publications today. Transformers 2 was made to entertain audiences...not critics. You see, some movies are made for critics that will say how artistic it is, how certain actors bring out the best in themselves by displaying a variety of emotions that totally brings out the talent in them. Then there are movies that just defies logic, pure fantasy, uses sexual charm or comic to mask the poor plot and of course uses extensive special effects. This is such a movie.

Going into the movie with a low expectation really helped. So what I did was to leave my brain outside and THOROUGHLY enjoyed the movie. It's a guy movie meaning there are lots of action, destruction, guns, really big guns, coolest planes, big huge mother robots, sexy girl, comic relief and huge explosions at the end.

What is there not to love?!?!?! But its a guy movie.

Don't get logical with it or try to reason because you are not going to get it or win. There are no fantastic talent being showcased here and you can pretty much guarantee that no one is going to be nominated for Oscars.

There are new robots which will make Hasbro and Toys R' So-overpriced-you-have-to-sell-your-spleen-to-afford even richer. There is one that looks like a dog one which is a monster truck transformed and one into a SR71 Blackbird. So its a merchandizer heaven. And we as responsible 21st century parents, will go out and invest more into these toys than our retirement funds and the GDP of Haiti put together.

I don't want to reveal too much. Just that there are more robots, Megan Fox is hotter (it that is at all possible), there is a female transformer, some comic relief and lots and lots of action. 2 hours 30min worth of non-stop, hard breathing action.

My suggestion, forget about the critics. Just see it, get it over with and enjoy.

Naming the offspring - so that they don't become homicidal killers

This is a HUGE problem and you wanna take your time on this one. Remember, names last FOREVER, that's a tad longer than ETERNITY. If you name your child well, they may grow up normal or even extraordinary. If you name you child 50 cents or Chainsaw, they going to jail.

Now in Malaysia, we have a syndrome called the national education system. What this means is that 99% of the educators in Government schools are rural folks who have not watched a single Hollywood movie. What that leads to is that they will be unable to pronounce names like Sage (tell them to pronounce sausage but without the "sau"), Matthew (will sound like a Cantonese swear word), Elliot (will pronounce idiot) or new age psychedelic names like Destiny, Mother Earth or Toad Excrement.

The other reason why you want to name your child well, is so that they won't get teased all their school life and end up losers or worse, homicidal serial killers! You see those TV news reports that say, that this kid was a quiet, polite kid and no one understands why he suddenly took a gun and starting shooting up his school. No one can give an explanation why this should happen to a kid like Ballwhacker Jones.

So you wanna be EXTRA sensitive about this. Malaysia also has another problem where we have multi racial implications to the names. So we have to ensure that the names don't mean something else in another language. For me it was doubly hard as I had to make sure our Japanese-occupation, tapioca-eating , 10-miles-to-schoolwalking, kerosene-lamp-reading and being constantly under fire parents could pronounce our babies' names. Secondly we had to make sure it didn't mean something different in any language to the best of our knowledge.

So we decided to play it safe and take common names with a nice flow to it.

There is also the occult way where you wanna see if the numbers in the names align to the person's birth date, the day the peed for the first time, etc. I didn't want anything to do with that so we just stuck to the normal English language names. I always like the name Sean and how it was pronounced despite its spelling. Then I looked for the most suitable and well meaning name and I came upon Joseph and Michael. Michael meant who is like God and the captain of God's Angels is St. Michael the Archangel. How much cooler can you get!!!! That's like the leader of Transformers, Justice League, G.I. Joe all rolled into one, a million times over!!! Also Michael Sean had a better ring to it than Joseph Sean.

So Michael Sean it was.

With Amanda, it was a lot tougher. Primarily because the saints' names are either very biblical or ages you. Names like Agatha, Mary, Catherine, Caroline, Bridgette, etc. That made it difficult as I don't want her sounding like a 60 year SOOO soon! Eventually the Christian name I chose was Grace since it was the same meaning as Mary but a lot more chic. That was the middle name. I chose and shortlisted these first names, Amanda, Nicole and Stacy. I gave these names to my colleagues and asked them which girl name they would date.

The majority was on Nicole with Stacy coming in a very strong second. Then my Chindian colleague (you can always trust a Chindian to make things easy for you), Joseph commented that Nicole sounds hot and dirty and Stacy sounds like a porn star's name. You never seen me move as fast as I did when I wrote down Amanda and drove to the Registration Dept to submit her name. Flash Gordon would have been proud!

So hence the names Michael Sean David and Amanda Grace David. I am glad to know that there is only one other kid I know in his school named Michael and Amanda was just as uncommon. So much for it being TO common. So Mikey and Mandy or M&M got their names through very meticulous method of selection which followed these principles:-

1. It has got to have no vulgar or ridiculous meaning
2. Doesn't represent any body parts
3. Easy to pronounce even by one certified to be clinically dead
4. Doesn't turn you one (for a girl's name)
5. Doesn't sound like a porn star
6. No or minimal teasing with the names
7. Doesn't spawn nick names that can be used in rap videos or prison

So there you have it. Algernon Constipated Charles Weedshaker III is a no-no. Please! You might as well kill the boy. Keep it simple, has a good, strong meaning. Gives your kids confidence.

Hey! Maybe try something like Aquaman or Optimus Prime or The HULK!!!

So you want to pro-create - Cravings and Hormones

In our continuing series, we look at the women's cravings. No one really understands this. Some blame it on hormones, some blame in on appetite. Me? I just think that women are put on this earth to get at us at every turn they can find. Seeing that they are going to look like a cargo truck for nine months and go through the most excruciating pain know to mankind, I let my darling wife ask for whatever she wants.

Also notice that I didn't go into the process of pro-creating. My thoughts are if you don't know how, there must be a reason and who am I to mess with God's will!

I digress!

Anyway, it was really cool that Melissa never had any morning sickness during both her pregnancies. It was really nice to not have your bride look at you at interval times and throw up! I don't think it does well to the self esteem! Worse still if she hurls on you! And guess what? It will be your fault. Guys get use to this. Rule No. 1. Everything bad that happens to your bride, is your fault. Don't ever, ever, never, ever fight it. That's like going against gravity. You will fall down....HARD!! Rule No. 2, refer to rule No. 1.

During her pregnancy with Mikey, she had this craving for soya bean drink and tau fu fa which is something made from bean curd (look it up man!). That was ok but it was normally when I get into bed ready to sleep the day's stress away that I hear, "Dear, I would like a beef steak."
"But it's midnight, where can I find steak?"
"I dunno, I am not the one carrying this heavy load on me for YOU! Maybe you like take it a while and I will figure the steak out!"
"Give me 30mins"

I never understand why they say that everything to do with pregnancy is for us husbands, like the baby has nothing to do with them. But remember rule No. 1? As for the cravings, my way out of this is to buy a burger from the burger stand. It's beef patty which basically means it a smaller steak. So I buy 3. Which is why I put on weight. If we had six kids, I would be the Goodyear Blimp.

When women put on weight, everybody admires them and comments about how much they glow. I never understood that. It's like pregnant women develop nuclear waste and suddenly they will glow in the dark like some mutated super hero. Notice thought that no one has nice things to say about the husbands.
"Oh did you see Mrs David, she is gorgeous with that glow about her but did you see her husband? What's up with that baby seal peeking out of the top his trousers?"

Are we not taking one for the team here? Don't we get some credit too?? I don't want to glow but something like,
"Did you see Alwyn there? His ponch has a nice arc thing going don't you think?"

So you get whatever your bride wants during her pregnancy and if you are late or if you forget to let us know where you are? Get ready for the attack of the crazed hormone lady! She will scream and blame the entire plague and war since biblical times on you. The only thing that's going to save your ass is DUM-DUM-DUM-DAA....Haargen Dazs!! Pls have some ready AT ALL TIMES!!!!

So new parents, that concludes our chapter on Hormones and Cravings. Fellas, remember Rules number 1 and 2 and our necessity to have at all times and you will make it out all right.


Point to Note, my wife accepted Sara Lee as a substitute for Haargen Dazs.