How to make Chindian Sushi?

IT's easy really. Buy seaweed, Japanese rice or sushi rice, crabstick, soft shell crab, egg, cucumber and some seasoning. Then put it together on the sushi roll and roll away. As a Chindian, you can add roast pork, mutton masala, bak kut teh, whatever the hell you want!!

Most importantly, get your daughter and niece who is sushi-crazy to do it. You get to enjoy it later. Easy-peezy!!

Love Guru Quotes

Jacques Grande: And now, I'd like to show my love by making for you a Quebec pizza.
Prudence Roanoke: What's that?
Jacques Grande: Pop-Tart with the ketchup. She's good.

Guru Pitka: Please welcome, Celine Dion!
Jacques Grande: Ah! Dis is my day of lucky!
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Rajneesh: [answering cell phone] Dell Computers, this is Chip.

Guru Pitka: If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

Jacques Grande: Don't look at me with that tone of voice or I will punch you in the shirt!

Guru Pitka: Give me a pound. Lock it down. Break the pickle. Tickle, tickle.

Jacques Grande: Ding Dong. Did someone order the special Quebec pizza huh? You know, like in the porno.

Guru Pitka: Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm.

Guru Pitka: Marishka Hargitay.

Guru Pitka: Jane, the city of Toronto doesn't hate you.
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka: Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard: Trust me, at the arena I had maintenance paint lines telling me where the crowd can't see me! You know so they don't boo me and throw stuff at my head!

Jane Bullard: I haven't laughed like this in such a long time.
Guru Pitka: Why not?
Jane Bullard: It's hard to laugh when men just see you as some curse.

Angry Fan: Boo! You suck Bullard!
Jane Bullard: No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass!
[crowd cheers]
Jane Bullard: Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...
Coach Punch Cherkov: Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Jane Bullard: You're a bad bad person.
Coach Punch Cherkov: I'll take that as a yes!
Jane Bullard: Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!

Coach Punch Cherkov: What's the capital of Thailand?
Guru Pitka: Bangkok.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Exactly.
[punches Pitka in his groin]
Guru Pitka: Omar Sharif, my balls!

Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.

Coach Punch Cherkov: If I sit like this any longer, I'm gonna pop my dink bag.

Prudence Roanoke: [about Darren] Do you think he's really changed? I mean, he can't even play in front of his own mother. She's like kryptonite to him.

Darren Roanoke: [about his suit] What's wrong with shark skin?
Guru Pitka: More like gay-skin, how about. What? Yeah.

Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.

Guru Pitka: [picks up Coach Cherkov] I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy. Yeah.
Coach Punch Cherkov: Put me down, a-hole!

Darren Roanoke: How can you be the Love Guru if you've never been in a relationship?
Guru Pitka: Well, there is someone I like. But until I learn to love myself, I can only go out with three girls named Ann.
Darren Roanoke: Three girls named Ann?
Guru Pitka: Yeah. Ann Visible, Ann Flatable, and Ann Job.

Guru Pitka: It's a problem. Even Jay-Zed had 99 of them, and the bitch was not one of them!

Guru Pitka: Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a penis... only smaller".

Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, let's make like a baby and head out!

Guru Pitka: I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See

Guru Pitka: Tickle, tickle... Break the pickle.

Guru Pitka: Tonawanda street? I know this street.
Darren Roanoke: You do?
Guru Pitka: Yes. At what number did you live?
Darren Roanoke: Fifty-three.
Guru Pitka: Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?
Darren Roanoke: No?
Guru Pitka: Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you! Yeah! You are laughing! You see, you are filled with joy of a child!

The state of Malaysian English

Someone send me this and it is so true....proud, be embarrassed, skin crawling, whatever feelings you may have, it's just us. Have a good laugh.


Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.........

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Foreigners: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Foreigners: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Foreigners: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Foreigners: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Foreigners: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Foreigners: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Foreigners: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Foreigners: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Foreigners: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Foreigners: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Foreigners: We seem to be in a b it of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Foreigners: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Foreigners: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Foreigners: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u...

See, isn't it simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc......... ?

Chindians are by design very jovial and have a great sense of humour. We also have lots of time where we surf the net for jokes and funnies. We use this activity as an excuse to get out of manual labour (doing the chores). Anyway, I came across some interesting funnies. Enjoy.


The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'


Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.


I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.


A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.


In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?


Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my... I could be eating a slow learner.

We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.


What's with this wierd hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had haemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.


Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?


Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."


Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?


All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?


Isn't it wierd that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."


Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!


Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

Totally useless musings!

You know on and off, I have this bad habit....I get into thinking. Problem is I think of the world's most useless things. It takes up brain bits which I am convinced is reducing by the minute, takes up memory space and it makes me concerned and upset over things I have no control over. But like any good friend, I want to show you what a Chindian's brain is chugging about!


Why do we sometimes say that we are in a pickle or jam when we are in a sticky situation? Wouldn't being in peanut butter be a better comparison?

Why do people look up when they think?

Why do we call some people we don't know 'perfect' strangers? Doesn't everybody have their faults? If they are strangers, how do you know they are perfect?

Why does the runners-up in Ms Universe looks so perky when she came so close but lost out on millions from endorsements and prize money?

Why do you press the elevator button repeatedly? Does the elevator then know you are in a hurry?

Exactly when and why did 'no problem' replace 'you're welcome' as the proper response to 'thank you'?

When someone asks us to hold something for them such as a bottle of soda why do we subconciously try to distance ourselves from it by holding it away from ourselves?

Why do the longest answers always begin with 'I don't know'?

If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?

When people turn on a light bulb and it burns out why do they turn it on and off again?

When people spill anything on themselves why do they always treat it like acid?

Why do we ask to 'borrow' a kleenex? Has anyone ever returned a kleenex they borrowed?

Why do people ask us if we are awake? Isn't 'yes' the only answer possible?

If God is everywhere why do people look up when addressing him?

Do women shiver after they pee like men do?

How come when people are free to do what they want, they usually imitate one another?

Why do we say 'Oh I knew that' when someone informs us of something we didn't know before?

Why do people taste virtually everything at a party?

Why do some people have to 'shudder' to think? Does thinking make you cold?

Why do people point at their wrist when they want to know the time but not at their crotch when they want to know where the bathroom is?