The Global Chindian

Since becoming a Chindian, I had many very serious thoughts about it. Most of it from the deep recesses of my mind (about a quarter inch deep). One of the many thoughts was how would we fare globally? Will we do well? What could be contribute? How will we adapt? Will we open up a roti canai with sweet sour pork store in a convenience store that also does laundry?

I've had the blessing of being able to travel to some countries but in the different regions of the world. I've come to realize that our Chindian look is very global. Unfortunately our global look means 3rd world country look! Whenever I travel around SEA, I ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS look local. Indonesia, Philippines, Thailand and even Indo-China.

There was once when I was in Thailand with my Aussie colleagues for our company meeting. After work, they decided they wanted to "check-out" Patpong. To the uninformed and liars who've never been to Patpong, it's Bangkok's red light district. When we got there, the "guest relations officers" jumped out and pulled my Aussies friends into their outlets. I was left standing alone in the street. After my friends decided on the "outlet", the GRO came out and got me in for a free drink but they led me to a corner and ignored me. I was totally confused as to what was happening. It took me a while for me to realize that they thought I was the local tour guide and the free drink and meal (if I wanted it) was my commission for bringing the "farang" or foreigner. WTF!!

The same in the Philippines. Every restaurant I was in with my colleagues, the servers will speak to me as they expected me to know what to order. And they speak to me in Tagalog. I don't feel so weirded out in Indonesia since I speak Malay and I can play the part. So we Chindians are definitely very at home in SEA. I've had recent trips to the US and the situation is just as amusing though one was quite terrifying.

Due to my work, I got the pleasure of traveling the US quite often and we typically land in LA or San Francisco. SF is one of my favourite places to visit due to the weather and it's generally nice. I remember the first time I visited SF in 1995, I went to Chinatown for Chinese food because we Chindians can only take so much of cold cuts, pasta, bread and salads. When I looked at the menu in this small Hong Kong-run Chinese restaurant, I realized that everything was called dumpling. Fish ball was called dumpling, so was wantan, sui kow and anything that looked roundish! Unable to differentiate, I spoke to the lady in Cantonese to order. While she looked shocked, she kept her composure and took our order.

I began to realize that something weird was going on and started to feel like a zoo exhibit. That's when I realized that there were LOTS of people outside the shop looking in but not coming in and the kitchen staff started to come out to look at me. It was a 5 table restaurant so it wasn't hard to know they were looking at me. After lunch, I was very curious and when I asked for the bill, I asked the owner what was going on. This was the conversation we had in Cantonese.

Me : What's going on? Why so many people outside?
Owner : Oh, those are my neighbours. They run the shops beside mine. They are here because I told them about you.
Me : What??? Why? What about me?
Owner : We have never met a Mexican that can speak Cantonese and speak it so well!!!!
Me : WHAT??????

To mess with her further....
Me : But I'm not Mexican. I'm Malaysian.
Owner : Ohh!! So you are Malay.
Me : No. I'm Indian.
Owner : What?????? Then how come you speak Cantonese.
Me : My mom's Chinese.
Owner : You just said you were Indian and Malay!!!

That went on for a while but it was nice messing with her.

In another trip, I was lost in San Pedro with another Chindian friend Patrick and 2 Malaysian Chinese friends. San Pedro is the harbour for LA and as the name suggests, there are A LOT of Hispanics who are blue collar workers there. When we were walking about, they were starting to get edgy about my Chinese friends and we "Hispanics" had to stay close to "protect" them. For a while it got a little tense especially when we sat for lunch. The Hispanic owner thought we were having a table talk over gang territory. Then when we ordered ice-cream, that kinda gave away we were more pansies than gang members!!

Patrick and I, at one time, traveled with 4 Malaysian Chinese girl colleagues (I had to add Malaysian Chinese else you think we were hanging out with Mainland Chinese girls!) and we were driving the mini van around SF Chinatown. The drivers' side windows were not tinted but the passengers and back were. We were "randomly" stopped by the police and when they saw all of us, it confirmed their suspicions that we Hispanics were smuggling female Chinese immigrant into Chinatown!!! There were A LOT of explaining and IDs flying out to San Francisco's finest.

There are many more global stories that I will share with you but the next time you see in the US news an hispanic arrested for allegedly trying to kidnap a Chinese girl, call the Malaysian embassy. It's just me taking my wife for a holiday in the US!!!!