1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
11. Chuck Norris been on mars, thats why the're no signs of life there.
12. Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter.
13. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
14. When God said: "Let there be light", Chuck said: "say please".
15. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
16. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
17. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
18. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
19. Before science was invented it was once believed that winter occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
20. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
21. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
22. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
23. If your not handicapped you never met Chuck Norris
24. Chuck Norris took a dump and created whats commonly known as Mt. Everest.
25. The only thing that Chuck Norris can't do is surf. Thats because everytime he gets into the water it parts in half.
26. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
27. Chuck Norris tells Paul the octopus all the answers.
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