Funny Friends

These are friends who just come along, dumb as a lamp post but just can't help but brightens your day. I have a collection of stories of friends who have just killed me through the years. Here are some of my favs:-

1) My friends grandma who doesn't speak a word of English decides to visit her while she was studying in the UK. At the airport she accidentally walks into the strip search lane. So picture this white haired "ah-soh" that you see at the market, in he floral blouse, pants being groped by female officers. She apparently rushed out screaming!

2) Same grandma goes to the butcher and wanted to buy pig's brain. Accordingly to old wives tale, pig's brain is supposed to cure low blood pressure. I personally think that those old wives didn't have much to do and just wanted to see how dumb asses will believe it and actually go through with it. Anyway, coming back to our globe trotting single language speaking 70 year old. She proceed to tell the English butcher in Chinese that she wants pig brains. Surprisingly the Caucasian buthcher didn't understand her. So she pointed at the picture of the pig and pointed at her head to indicate brain. The butcher, who must have been a charade champion smiled and told her to come back the next day by pointing at the calendar. Grandma comes the next day to see the biggest pig head waiting for her.

3) Once a colleague was sitting at the steps of Menara Amcorp depressed. She had parked her car in the open space and how couldn't find it. Now, this character is not exactly the sharpest tool in the tool box. So i asked if she may have parked in the building and forgot about it. You may ask how is it that she can forget such a thing but she is kinda few cards short of a deck...if you know what i mean. So i took her going up AND down 4 parking floors and still couldnt find her car. So i left her at the steps and decided to keep her company while she waits for her husband to pick her. She was already talking about what car to buy, what colour, repayment amount, etc when she reaches into her handbag and finds a KLCC parking ticket. Staring at it, she remembers that she drove to KLCC and forgeting that she drove, she took the LRT back to Amcorp. I can laugh about it now but i was quite homicidal then and I was pretty sure any judge or jury would have acquitted me.

4) A klutzy but brilliant classmate in secondary school who use to eat with his chopsticks upside down for many years before we pointed it out to him. He always tot that he pieces keep falling off his chopstick is becoz he can't manage it very well. Same lovable guy who one day during our puberty years was sitting in a conversation where we asked our girl classmates on the method of using Tampax. We could understand the normal sanitary napkin but how the heck did the Tampax work? He very innocently said, "You just take a hammer and whack it in". While we weren't sure how it worked, we were pretty sure that was not it. Our girls were just horrified. WE later found out he thought we were talking about tent peg and asked how to put it into the ground to build a tent.

5) A colleague once took out her mobile phone and complained that it didn't work and wasn't sure if it was the network or the DAMN phone!! We later found out it was her home cordless phone.

6) Another colleague's mom, once hailed a taxi at Sg Wang. When it didnt stop, she chased after it and hit the back of the car with her umbrella. The taxi stopped and 2 men stepped out to see what the commotion was about. My colleague got a call from the police saying his mother was lost. His mom had hailed a police car thinking it was a cab.