Lassie the Wonder Dog - what about the family?

I was considering to get my children a pet puppy and was surfing the net to look at the right breeds for us. Like all Chindian guys, we are into big dogs. Not one of those toy dogs that you can differentiate between a cushion or fluff of cotton. I want a dog that can protect me and hopefully kill cats, not get carried away by cockroaches for their midnight snack.

As I was surfing, I came across the Border Collie which any bird brain knows is the breed that Lassie was. Now if you don't know what Lassie was, then you are very young and shouldn't be surfing the net!!! For your cretins who don't know Lassie, she was a character is the self titled TV show back in the 50s but we had reruns of it during the 70s (so that you know I am not THAT old!).

She belonged to this farming family which had a little boy named Timmy and as far as we can tell, this family folks don't go out of the farm. All the story is centered around them lingering around the kitchen, the farm, the tractor, the stream and so on, looking at the neighbours and wondering how come they have crops and farm animals. But it was a good thing too since every time they went out, this family is so moronic, they will ALWAYS get into trouble.

Pa will get stuck under the tractor or Timmy will fall into a quicksand. Now who in the the goodness of all that is green on this earth, buys a farm with a quicksand in it???? What was the realtor's selling point? "You can throw 'em sheep and cow carcasses in there." Also, how dumb do you have to be to get stuck under the tractor? Aren't you working on it all day since the beginning of life and you never go out?? Best part is that this happens EVERY week! What is wrong with you people?

Lassie will then go back and whine and paw and scratch at the folks in the farm house and they will keep on asking "What is it girl? Someone in trouble?" Remember, this happens EVERY freakin', gut disemboweling week!!! They will ask "Are you hungry?" Now a real dog would have "Hell yeah I am hungry" and would have proceeded to have a treats while Pa got steamrolled and Timmy deservedly sinks into the quicksand.

But eventually the signals travels all the way across their hollow skulls and they follow her and all is well....again. They will then all sit in the dining room serving some redneck, farm dessert while Lassie fills out their government farming subsidy forms, tax returns and the bank loan for a new tractor for Pa to get stuck under.

What an idiotic family. It's a good thing the stop the show because I am so sure that it they carried on, Lassie will not only let Timmy drown or get rolled over, I bet she will push him just to get him out of the way!! Heck, she may even learn to drive the truck to roll over the whole family.