The world is not perfect and sometimes we just got to chill out and hang loose. In other words, don't be such a stiffy! Take that stick out of your ass. Then again, no one is saying allow hell to break loose!!! Hey, ass-whooping is ass-whooping. Your kids step out of line, an ass-whooping needs to rain down. But there are times when we can break the rules with out kids. That way, they learn the reality of the world (that it isn't fair and Chindians look better) and will be ready for disappointments and be ready to kick some ass of their own.
I believe these tips will help them manage the shades of grey that exists in our lives and hopefully give them the street smarts to manage it.
1) Sneak snacks into a movie theater
There isn't one person reading this who hasn't sneaked Milk Duds or a box of Mike & Ike's into a movie theater. When a business is trying to take advantage of you to that degree, stuffing your pockets seems absolutely fair. Sneaking snacks into a theater is a great place to start when teaching your kids where they can bend certain rules in society. This also covers stadiums, concerts, or anywhere else that tries to fleece you for a stale, lukewarm pretzel and a $9 tub of popcorn.
2) Question teachers
I am by no means asking kids to become a disruption or a nightmare to their teachers. However, I don't see any harm in letting them question their teachers once in a while. One thing kids don't do enough in school is ask, "Why?" Mindlessly memorizing facts and goofy math patterns to pass some stupid govt-mandated test doesn't teach kids to think independently.
I have to believe that the many great teachers out there would welcome the curiosity and enthusiasm that would follow. I don't want my kids to know just the answers; I want them to know why a certain problem works the way it does.
3) Learn how to tell a white lie
Now, there's a big difference between having a kid who's a wolf-crying liar trusted by no one, and having a kid who knows when to lie to save someone's feelings. It could be telling Grandma that the "China-ching-chong" shirt she made for Chinese New Year is perfect. Or it might be letting your kid inform someone he or she doesn't want to date that "I don't have time to go out with anyone right now," instead of the real reason -- that the kid looks like a cross between Boy George and Whoopi Goldberg.
These are the exact kind of subtleties that kids need to know in life. Showing them how to throw out a little white lie instead of destroying someone's feelings just might save an important friendship, or keep a job, or maintain family peace.
4) Pee in the woods
More and more these days, kids seem to get sucked into their Xbox, iPod or cell phone without spending enough time outdoors and having fun the old-fashioned way. Take the kids up to the mountains or to a nature park and let them do the things that they're meant to do: raise hell, laugh and pee in the woods. Nothing says that you're at one with nature more than relieving yourself just like the pioneers did. And while you're at it, teach the kids how to build a great campfire. Notice I said you. I will be in the insect-free chalet enjoying the air-cond, running water and cable TV.
5) Bend the rules when playing sports
Teaching your kids good sportsmanship as they head into the wonderful world of athletics is immensely important. However, after you get past the age when every kid plays soccer and basketball only because their parents want them to, you get into a very competitive area. Select all-star teams for kids who haven't yet hit secondary school are now the norm.
Your kids will end up awfully naïve if you let them grow up thinking that athletes aren't bending the rules. And by the time they're teens, they're ready to learn there are a ton of tricks and ways to bend the rules in sports that don't include steroids, blood doping or stealing the other team's mascot. I'm talking about head games, flicking the elbow in hoops when someone's shooting, holding the other player's jersey, and more.
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