Guy Problems - Part 2

I talked about Guy problems some time back. Notice I say guys, not men. Men is a word that is taken too seriously and people tend think that men are usually involved in serious issues like global warming or running a government but it usually just means having a set of really unreliable sexual organs. Ask any guy you know and they will tell you that there were times they woke up in the morning and their "little brother" would already be awake 5minutes earlier looking at you going "Good Morning!!" or in class during our puberty years and suddenly "little brother" just wakes up going "What's going around here?". And the teacher will call you to the board at that particular time. So we guys do have serious problems to content with.

I am writing this so that we (when I say we, i mean genders other than the male ones) can be more understanding towards our guy population and be more tolerant towards them so that we can all live in peace. One of the critical areas that we guys have problems with are the "STANDARDS". You see, we guys didn't come up with the standards. What I mean by standards are the way the human civilization has decided what is wrong, frowned upon and acceptable. Let me give you some examples of what is wrong.

1) Blowing your nose on dirty clothes - they are going to be washed anyway
2) Peeing in the shower - Pee will "bounce" on the wall and can't be washed away cleanly, so cannot
3) Making the bed - It will be messy later at night. What's the point?
4) Can't stack up used pizza boxes to make furniture - they r cheap n tasteful
5) Can't leave the toilet seat down - why can't you work it yourself
6) Need to understand subtle hints - what are we, mind readers???
7) We need to be mind readers (continue) - if we see something is wrong and we ask and you say "nothing", we are going to treat it as nothing
8) Can't look at exposed breast - That's why God made them. He can make milk come out of your belly button. You don't really need breast for that.
9) Answering "yes" or "no" to the question "Do I look good in this?" is wrong - then why ask????
10) Anything said anytime since the dawn of civilization is admissable to any future arguments - Our brains are meant for more important things like remembering sports scores
11) All men must be mechanically efficient - do you think we have some kind of genes that we are born with?
12) We cannot answer "yes" and "no" to questions as they need lengthy, explanatory answers - pls we are not expressive beings
13) Can't scratch our privates in public - our privates react differently from your. If you don't have it, u can't comment.
14) Our level of cleanliness - women need to scrub dirt on a microb level until they hear bacteria screaming. We just need to spray Ridsect around the walls and its clean.
15) My favourite. Men are so inept in bed. We climax too fast, we don't know how to indulge in foreplay and we only know so few positions.

These are just some of the THOUSANDS of rules and standards that women have come up with. We have rules on domestic lives involving things that are alien to us like bedspreads, curtains, butter dishes, tiny guest soaps, soaps shaped like fruits or animals, appetizers, different fork usages, washing hands after every activity, hand towels, table cloth, floral arrangements, gardens with flowers, tissues papers, decorative boxes to hold tissue papers (they already come in perfectly good boxes for goodness sake!), coasters, room freshener, taking baths 12 times a day, clothes folded in a certain way, washing the cup after using.

There are also some standards on sensitivity like remembering birthdays and anniversaries (many wars fought and many poeple died over this), listening during conversations, needing to have the right answers to every problem, agreeing with everything you say, no farting loud on purpose, no going away for a few months without at least leaving a 20 page thesis on why, no picking our noses at the traffic light and needing to stop for restroom breaks for long trips. To name a few.

Unfortunately we guys were probably hunting the wooly mammoth when the standards were drawn up by women in their caves. I mean did anyone asks our opinions? Who is to say we climax too fast instead of women taking too bloody long to get there??? It is not our fault we do that? We are just made that way! It's not like we have a switch that we can turn. The standards are way to absurd and incompatible with our biological makeup.

In prehistoric times, when the mortality rate was low and there were dinosaurs and no healthcare and McDonald's drive thru was still a dream, the human race was not the dominant species!! We had to pro-created pretty fast. There was no time to cuddle or kiss or lick. We had to get in there, pro-create, move on to other females and then defend our family from the sabre tooth tiger. It was for the survival of the species. Don't thank us, just doing our jobs.

So you see, we guys are terribly misunderstood primarily because of some other genders making up standards without consulting us and taking our biological make up into consideration. I don't even want to get started on laundry (dry clean only, warm water only, soft detergent, whites only, water at 25.5 degrees only, etc). We guys have been stumbling, struggling and chastised because of this for millions of years and I think it is time we take back these standards and make some of our own. I will let you know what they are once I finished scratching my privates....