Is that a FREAKING harpoon??

I am not one of those faint hearted people who have issues with medical situations. For example, I don't faint at the sight of blood as I can watch a full autopsy and still have my dinner (the good LORD alone knows why the heck we want to do this) and I was a whiz at dissecting any creature my biology teacher would throw at us. So it was a real surprise to me when I had problems with needles. It was very early in life that I discovered that...in Standard 6 to be exact.

There I was enjoying being 12 in a carefree childhood of playing marbles, hop and run, taichi, chopping, rounders (which glue sniffing moron thought up those names!). Next thing I know, we were all being herded, in alphabetical order to the First Aid room for our BCG shots. I never knew what BCG was but after googling it, BCG is bacille Calmette-Guérin, a vaccine for tuberculosis (TB).

So it was my turn very quickly since we are arranged by our first names and there was this nurse that looks like she stepped out from some Soviet interrogation camp and could bust my head wide open just by sneezing and was holding this thing that looks exactly like a whale harpoon. My teacher told me it wasn't going to hurt a bit and that was the last time I trusted any adult.

Of course it hurt! Next thing I know, I opened my eyes and I could see the ceiling. I had fallen off my chair. Anyway since that day, needles always made me woozy. I don't faint anymore but the mention of needles in the vicinity will make me suddenly remember of very important appointments in the next state.

One time, my cousin KLY had badly twisted his knee during a basketball game. He is what we call the "Knee-less Wonder" seeing that he does not have good knees due to his OBSESSION with basketball despite touching 40. He cannot walk down a flight a stairs properly that is without support and needs to walk down slowly one leg at a time. That's how bad it was. Anyway, this time was really bad inasmuch as he cannot walk! So he was on crutches but after insisting for 2 weeks it was just a sprain (classic guy behaviour), he realized that it was more than that. He realized that after astute observation that:-
1) He still can't walk
2) His knee is swollen as is his calf so that it looks like part of the Michelin Man
3) His knee is purple

So finally I accompanied him to the doctor and it was diagnosed that he was bleeding internally so much that the swell in the calf is his blood. So the doctor had to take this....you guessed it....HARPOON that looks like it could spear 3 whales in a kebab, and stuck it into his calf and starting sucking out blood from it. After pulling out enough blood to supply a small Translyvannian vampire coven, he took out the syringe, leaving the needle in it and stuck in an empty syringe to pull out some more blood! And he did this EIGHT times!!! Can you say Woozy-ville? I was seeing stars, leaping reindeers, talking frogs, and winged-like creature all swimming in front of me.

Sad to say, my son inherited this but not Mandy. That is one tough cookie. Once my wife slammed her own finger on my car door. All I have to say is that I am so glad...that it wasn't my fault or it would be added as grounds for divorce on top of all the other inept things that she is already accumulating.

So we went to the doctor and he said the fingernail had to pulled out (wooozzyyyy) but first he has to inject the anaesthetic into the top of her finger. Do you know how hell-on-earth painful that is??? That was the cue for Mikey and I to suddenly remember earth shattering things to do like watch grass grow. After a while, Mandy called us in, saying its all over and we walked in, only to see the doctor using a pair of pliers that can be used to dismantle monster trucks, to DRAG and PULL the nail out. We rushed out (woooozzzyyyy) again.

We were called in saying all is well now....only to see this Dr Frankenstein with a fish hook that is used to hook up space shuttles to sew the cut on Melissa's finger. (Did someone call us?). Then finally we were called in a third time and this time the ordeal has ended. All the while Mandy was watching the procedure and in a matter of fact voice asked if the doctor needs to cut off her mother's finger. She is acting as if it was an episode of Dora or something. Dr Freako commented that the girls in our family is really brave while the boys were useless. I would moonwalk up and down his ass but he has a harpoon!