Malaysia's New Hope

It was a very difficult week for us Malaysians. It is always difficult when you find out that your leaders are total morons. It's even more depressing to know that I am one of the responsible ones who put them there in the first place. So what can we do? I sometimes wish we were like France where we have strong unions that can launch massive strikes and paralyse the city everytime these goobers make a wrong move. But its good and bad. So I am proposing a new movement. A movement that will immediately unite 2 major races in Malaysia and it will bring us closer to race-free Malaysia.

I am talking about the MAlaysian CHindian Association, call sign MACHA! I am not crazy about A standing for Association for it will do for now. If you have a better replacement for A, pls let me know.

Anyway as mentioned, this race is a new up and coming race that our BN government has totally ignored. We already have a World No 1 squash person and I tell you we have more out there, just lying low, waiting for the right moment to rise and unite our country.

As Chindian's we are already 2 of the major races and with us looking like Malays, we can bring some of the progressive thinking ones over to chart a new course for Malaysia. Here will be some of the manifestos:-

1) There will be no more jokes about Indians being drunkards and Chinese can't drink.

2) For pubs who want to open until late at night, they will need to prepare a place for drunks to sleep it off, called cool off rooms - at a fee of course.

3) If there are drunks and they are rowdy, anyone is allowed to clobber them and leave them at the "cool off" room.

4) Prostituition will be legal and all prostitutes will have to register so that we can tax their income. Pimps will need to form companies and issue EA forms.

5) Drugs will be made legal and can be sold over the counter. But they must to be put into child-proof bottles or ketchup packets. (Let's see you high crack heads try to get to it now)

6) It will be mandatory for Chinese restaurants to explain the whole menu to Indian patrons and Indian patrons will need to order other food from fried rice, sweet sour pork or egg fu yong.

7) There will be Chindian restaurants that serves curry and herbal soup in the same set meal. Chinese will be taught to use their hands and Indians will be taught to use chopsticks!

8) Indian restaurants will also be forced to re-invent their menu. Try something else other than curries for goodness sake!!

9) All major race holidays will be 3 days affair and fireworks will be mandatory.

10) Police force will need to learn how to sing and dance. All senior police officers will have an entrance song. Deng-deng-DEEEENNNNGGG.

11) Sales people who are rude to you can be slapped and thrown down escalators by patrons.

12) Patrons who are rude to sales people can be hung by their thumbs and flogged.

13) Sales people who don't know their products but don't take the trouble to find out will be asked to wear humiliating costumes around shopping malls and allow children to kick them in the crotch.

14) Motorist are allowed to throw used spark plugs at motorist who cut queue.

15) There will be no monopoly of any industry like Telekom Malaysia or Puspakom, etc.

16) Internet broadband will be as advertised - fast, available and cheap

17) Latest gadgets being brought in will be tax exempted

18) Screw the tax on cars and bring in more foreign brands. If Proton can't compete, tough to those shit heads!

19) Public transport drivers will be courteous and on time. GPS will be attached to buses to ensure that they don't goof off.

20) Teachers are allowed to cane parents who complain too much and parents can colour teachers' faces with any make up if the teachers are deemed biased, unfair or indifferent to their students behaviours.

21) ALL university students will need to learn to speak proper English, Mandarin and Malay. That goes for all teachers as well.

I can go on and on and I will complete my manifesto so that you will see that we are serious. So stay tuned for more info. At the moment, I am going to get drunk.